The first year of marriage can seem wonderful, but it can also lay a foundation of marriage problems. Avoid them early on, for a happily ever after.
Is there anything more amazing than being in love? The beginning
stages of a relationship are full of bliss. You can’t get enough of him,
he of you, and then you say “I do.” We all know that marriage isn’t
always going to be easy but rarely do any of us think that it is going
to be so difficult.
Suddenly all those cute things he used to do aren’t that cute
anymore, the rendezvous in the middle of the day isn’t happening and at
nighttime, the best feeling you get is digging into a pint of ice cream.
This isn’t what you bargained for, is it? If you are asking yourself
whether it was a mistake all along and looking over your courtship for
signs that you missed, take heart.
The first year of marriage is one of the most difficult times for the
majority of married couples. It is also the time that defines the
journey that you set out on. If you find things getting out of control
and negative, now is the time to nip it in the bud and turn things
around.
The first two years can predict your marriage
The first two years are predictive of whether you live happily ever after
or not. In America, statistics show that one in two marriages is
destined for divorce. Most think that the reason people divorce is
because the beginning stages of marriage are so romantic and the
chemistry so great, that as the romance begins to fade, they can’t look
past the rest to find common ground.
Other research indicates that people divorce because they can’t
communicate, they don’t respect each other’s ideas, and they are hostile
in their actions to each other. After decades and piles of research,
the problem is that no one has really figured it all out. Why is
marriage so difficult and what is it about that first couple of years
that make some marriages fall apart while others bind together?
Practical research in the field of love and relationships
is indicating that perhaps all the assumptions made about whether a
marriage will last are not what everyone assumes. New research is
concluding that some marriages may be doomed long before the first year
when problems begin to arise. The four characteristics that seem to have
the most predictive nature for those couples that make it and those
that don’t, are not what you would think.
The patterns – Who makes it and who doesn’t?
Researchers set out to study couples long before the first year when
problems began to arise. What they found was contrary to what most
falsely believe, the first year of marriage is not the “honeymoon
phase.” Not many couples, just starting out, would report that their
first year together is blissful.
It was also found that marriages starting out highly intense and
magical are more prone to divorce than those that lack the sweeping rush
of romanticism. Vows beginning with couples that were not so intense
and full of heat, tended not to have as many expectations going in. That
is why they were more likely to last through the ages.
Couples who would report their marriages as boring, or uneventful,
are more likely to stay married than those who think their relationships
are spectacular. Being even keel, they take it as it goes instead of
always searching for and needing more from one another. Fulfillment is
an illusion that can tear people apart. Finally, when couples didn’t
make it, it was not due to their lack of communication or arguing as
many would assume, but it is due to them falling “out of love” and not
being affectionate to one another.
The four groups of marriage couples
Couples fall into four different groups, happily married, unhappily
married, divorcing early on, or divorcing later in life. Those who were
happily married had one shining characteristic. They were very in love
and affectionate with each other that first year of marriage and beyond.
They also talked about, and thought about, their mates more positively.
The first two years are very significant and predictive of the
success of a relationship because they set the tone for those years that
come after, and they are the highest risk years for calling it quits.
The biggest thing in those first two years was not, not getting along;
it was loving and finding affection for each other.
Avoiding marriage problems: 25 ways to save your first year to save your marriage
So, if you are having a difficult time in the first year of marriage,
here are the best twenty-five ways to turn it around and set up a
scenario for happily ever after. Since the first two years are when the
most change takes place, and they determine the rest of your union
together, try these 25 things to make your marriage work. They may not
make the day to day easier, but they will help you to continue to love
and be affectionate with one another.
#1 Maintain some mystery. Don’t put it all out
there. Keep your hygiene habits to yourself and close the door. It is
important always to maintain some level of mystery and sexiness.
#2 Ditch the sweatpants. Granny panties weren’t cute
when you were dating; they aren’t cute now. Be mindful of the way you
look, not just when you go out, but when you are staying in. You used to
dress to attract each other, now is not the time to stop.
#3 Pretend you are dating. When you are dating, you
stop from saying critical things and do those particular things that
make each other feel good. Do the same things as when there was the
potential for them to say goodbye.
#4 Remember that your mate is still wanted by others.
Just because your spouse married you, doesn’t mean that others wouldn’t
love to be with them. When they said “I do,” they didn’t become
unattractive to others. Remember, you are still lucky to be with them.
#5 Picture the first time you knew you were in love.
Periodically, especially when things get tough, picture the first time
you knew you were in love with them. There was a look that they gave you
or something they did that let you know they were the one. Conjure up
those memories when you are overwhelmed, frustrated, or upset.
#6 Don’t let the ugly out. If you wouldn’t have said
it before you got married, you ought not to say it now. Many couples
think that once the vows are said, they can say and do whatever they
want to hurt each other. Don’t show that side of yourself.
#7 Recreate the hunt. The fun in dating was hunting
for each other. Show your mate that you are still attractive and that
others want you. Flirting is okay in moderation and may not only make
you feel wanted again; it may let your mate know that you are still
something to be desired.
#8 Don’t get too comfortable. You wouldn’t have
waited for him in bed with your tattered old underwear when you were
dating, why would he want to see that now?
#9 Go out alone. Don’t smother each other, it is
important to maintain your life outside of the relationship as much as
it is to maintain your relationship with each other.
#10 Send sexy texts. Let them know you still find
them attractive by sending them sexy texts about how you are thinking
about them. Sex can’t be something that you take for granted. Don’t stop
trying to turn each other on.
#11 Those three words. Never go a day without saying “I love you.”
#12 Make lists of the things you love about each other.
Make your top ten list of what you adore about them, and they are
likely to reciprocate. If you notice that you have been very negative
and critical, lists will remind both of you what you mean to each other.
#13 Always kiss goodnight. This is a simple act, but one many couples overlook with time.
#14 Be friends. If you wouldn’t treat your friends
in a certain way, don’t treat your mate that way. There is no reason
that your mate should be subjected to anything less than the respect you
pay others in your life.
#15 Make time for each other. Even though you are
now living together, that doesn’t mean that you are spending time
together. Instead of sitting on the couch, go out for the night and
spend time reconnecting.
#16 Make sure to smile. Even when things get
stressful, it is important to reassure your partner with a smile. A
smile tells them that things are bound to get better.
#17 Gaze into one another’s eyes. Take time to look each other in the eye and kiss often.
#18 Go to bed mad. Staying up and fighting all night
just makes for tired and angry people. Settle things in the morning
after some time to rest and let the anger subside.
#19 Keep working out. The first “marriage 15” isn’t
fair. It tells your partner that you don’t care enough about them to
care about how you look for them. Stay in shape and don’t let yourself
go!
#20 Buy sexy underwear. For no reason at all, go out
and buy new sexy clothing and underwear. Don’t wait for an occasion to
increase the heat in the bedroom.
#21 Continue to learn about sex. Sex advice does not
stop once you put rings on each other’s fingers. Keep things new and
fresh by being open to new ideas and enhancing your intimacy.
#22 Try new things. Be open to their fantasies. Being open-minded can bring you both to a level in your relationship that will bind you forever.
#23 Have sex often. Make a promise to never go a whole week without sex. Schedule it, if you can’t be spontaneous.
#24 Make up nicknames for each other. Make up a name
for your spouse that only you call them. Adding intimacy, it reminds
them that they hold a unique place in your heart.
#25 Send flowers often. Remember a blow job is like giving flowers, so it goes both ways.
The first year can set the course for a healthy romance or a
unhappy marriage full of marriage problems. It may take some effort and
being more introspective about the part you play, but in the end, it is
well worth it for a sound and happy marriage.
