Compromising in your relationship doesn’t necessarily mean bad—it creates a win-win situation that paves the way for happy couples.
Being in a relationship has its ups and downs. When it’s good, it’s
really good; but when it’s bad, it’s really bad. When a relationship
takes a turn for the worse, it doesn’t necessarily mean you should throw
in the towel. As many who have been in long-term, or even lifelong,
relationships would say, relationships take a lot of hard work.
The happiest relationships and the most successful couples would also
tell you another vital key to relationships is knowing how to pick your
battles. And this is where compromise comes in. You have to know when
to hold your ground, when to budge, and which battles are worth fighting
over.
However, compromise is a two-edged sword: it can strengthen
relationships, but it can also destroy them—or you. You need to know
which things you can compromise with your partner and how these healthy
compromises can help your relationship in the long run.
How to create healthy compromise in your relationship
Setting healthy boundaries and learning how to compromise as partners
allows space for you to get along well while still leaving room for
each other to grow.
It would feel like a loss or a subtraction when you create wrong and
unhealthy compromises. You might feel shortchanged or taken for granted,
especially if you are always the one giving up things or making way in
your relationship. So here’s how you can better create healthy
compromises:
#1 Establish mutual respect. You have to respect
each other’s individuality, needs, aspirations, values, and desires.
There should also be healthy boundaries that either of you should not
overstep. Practicing mutual respect for each other is essential so you
both feel equally important and appreciated.
#2 Set your priorities. You should have your own
personal priorities, and while you should stick by them, you should also
be flexible enough to consider your partner’s priorities as well. Have
priorities as a couple and make this flexible too, as people and
relationships change and grow over time.
#3 Negotiate. Before you ask your partner to give up
something, be prepared to bring something to the table as well. This
creates a sense of fairness and balance as you are asking for compromise
but are prepared to give it also.
#4 Create a win-win situation. Compromise doesn’t
have to exclusively be giving up things for each other. A positive
compromise allows you both to gain things or receive benefits in return.
This entails you and your partner should have open and honest
communication. As a result, the word “compromise” won’t feel so
negative for either of you.
#5 Don’t mix anger with compromising. If you are
angry, nothing productive will be achieved. You should approach each
other when you are both calm and level-headed. Give each other time to
cool off and think things through.
Healthy compromises in relationship
A good dose of compromise is important to smooth over the rough edges
of relationships. This kind of compromise should affirm who each
partner is in the relationship and allow their individual needs and
intrinsic desires to be met.
#1 How you socialize. If before you got together,
you spent all your weekends out clubbing with your friends, you may have
to rethink that and put into the equation how your partner would like
to spend time with you. There may be instances when you have to see your
friends less often than before, especially if you belong to different
social circles.
Another example of this kind of compromise is turning off your phones
or gadgets and try not to be engrossed with emails, calls, texts, and
social media when together with your partner. This ensures you can spend
quality time together even for just a few hours, while keeping a
healthy balance of communicating with friends or work colleagues.
#2 How you spend your time. Now that you have a
partner, you have to think about how much time you should practically
spend together without compromising the time you spend on work, common
friends, each other’s friends, and each other’s families.
While you can plan dates and do spontaneous things together, you have
to also consider what the other person likes. If your partner is into
adventure and the outdoors, and that is just not your thing, meet
halfway and go on a beach vacation.
#3 Things that make you grow. The things you do
apart for personal growth is worth taking a look at. While you want to
also focus on career and personal growth, your decisions need to take
your partner into account now.
This applies to whether you should jump at a new job offer, go on an
overseas training or study, pursue your passion, set up a business,
undertake a new hobby, or even adopt a pet. At the end of the day,
whatever you decide should be a win-win for you, your partner, and your
relationship.
#4 How you communicate. A lot of relationship
problems spring from poor communication and listening skills. If you are
very expressive and easy to anger, then consider a compromise to always
try to keep your cool or at least be mindful of your partner’s
feelings. Often, you may not realize you are hurting your partner with
the things you say *or don’t say*, so it’s best to talk things out with
your partner and come up with better ways to communicate.
#5 Tasks and duties. When you and your partner live
together, you have to realize there are certain expectations, duties,
and responsibilities you have to fulfill. Sharing responsibility with
bills and payments, as well as delegating household chores, are part of
the things you and your partner should agree on before you even move in
together.
#6 How you spend your money. Early on in your
relationship, you may have a pretty good idea of how your partner is
when it comes to money matters. As you progress through your
relationship, you should both be able to complement each other’s
financial philosophies and priorities.
This means talking about how you spend your money and making sure
both party’s needs and wants are considered each step of the way, so
that you can come to a middle ground where everyone is satisfied.
#7 How often you have sex. Your different sexual
preferences and frequency on having sex may have a huge impact on your
relationship. Therefore, you should strike a compromise. You may
consider having sex even if you’re not 100% in the mood, trying
something experimental, or maybe even using toys.
Your partner should compromise as well by taking extra time to turn
you on or lend a helping hand, be gentle, and respect your boundaries.
The important thing is you and your partner don’t feel violated and are
comfortable, safe, and satisfied.
It is normal to have disagreements in relationships as you can’t
expect your partner to agree with you or have the same preferences all
the time. There will also be many situations that will test your
relationship.
Compromising is not the enemy, and it shouldn’t be taken negatively.
It is actually the key to a healthy, mature, and thriving relationship.
Compromising often takes you and your relationship out of your comfort
zone, and it helps you learn more things about yourself and how much
your partner truly means to you.
After all, a relationship takes two people who walk through
life together. Once you understand this, compromising will easily become
second-nature.
