Are you dazed and confused by twists and turns of the dating game? Here are some helpful tips to ease the path towards the end zone.
When you’ve met that special someone that you know you want to spend
the rest of your life with, even if you’re only at that
staring-starry-eyed-at-each-other-across-a-crowded-room stage, then
you’d better prepare yourself for the exciting, but exacerbating,
minefield that is the dating game. Of course, that’s easier said than
done, and with the rules of dating changing all the time, nobody can
claim they are fully prepared for what comes next.
Open and closed stages of dating
Someone should invent a detailed diagram for the different stages of
dating, showing those that take you one at a time towards the desired
destination and those that will lead to an exit from the field of play.
The former of these are the open stages of dating, stages which
follow a sequential and chronological order, which really is the name of
the game with dating, and culminates with a productive outcome.
Closed stages, however, occur when a stage is arrived at too quickly
or lingered upon too long or have some other influence exerted upon them
that leads to a swift exit from all things romance related.
Closed stages of dating
The closed stages of dating are those that have an easily foreseeable end. Here are the types:
#1 The one night stand. There is a big difference
between a night of passion between two lovers and a one night stand. A
one night stand is never going to lead anywhere, because one of the
people involved was either solely after a quickie with no consequences,
and you really should have been bright enough to pick up on this, or
they indulged against their better judgement, alcohol induced probably.
Indicators of either of these things being true are exclamations such
as “Oh, you’re still here!” or “Look, about last night…” or “Oh my
god, you actually did come home with me! I thought I was just having a
bad dream!” Embarrassment and/or having fulfilled your use means that
this relationship is going nowhere. Date ends here.
#2 The friend with benefits. Also known as a
buck-fuddy, or something like that, is a purely physical outlet for
one’s lusts and desires. How people arrive at this position differs
quite considerably from case to case. Many begin as one night stands,
which lead later down the line to a phone call and another one night
stand, and another and so on. Some begin as friendships which turn into
physical relationships out of pure frustration.
However, FWBs are a relationship dead end. Firstly, because if there
isn’t enough of a connection to progress the relationship any further at
the beginning, then there won’t be any connection at the end – and it
will end. Secondly, because for a relationship to progress, there needs
to be an element of trust and respect and an FWB relationship does
little to foster either. Succumb to this path and you will never get any
further.
#3 The friend. Many relationships begin with
friendship, but that’s an entirely different matter to what we are
looking at here. What we’re talking about is a relationship that starts
along the right lines, with a bit of chatting and flirting, but turns
into a firm friendship situation. The reasons behind this are obvious.
Sometimes, people try too hard to be nice, to be seen as a perfect
potential partner for the other, but there comes a time in a
relationship when you need to step up and take it to a different level.
If you miss the key moments and signs, then your chance will disappear
into the ether and will never present itself again. Welcome to the
friend zone!
#4 The rebound. A situation where someone comes out
of a long and/or serious relationship, and in a bid to rebuild their
confidence or reignite the excitement in their life after a long absence
from the real world, throws themselves into the dating arena with just a
little too much fervor. Re-bounders are easy to get on a date or into
the sack, but their hearts and minds are really on other things.
You become a social prop, until they reach a point where they are
ready to reassess their lives at which point you and your link to the
rebound period will be dropped like a ton of bricks. Just wait this one
out, until you get a chance to become a part of better times.
#5 The back-up. You end up on a date with them, then
you get ditched, then you end on a date with them again and then
ditched again. You, my friend, have become their romantic back up.
When they need someone to go to a family party with, so they don’t
have to suffer the ignominy of being seen to be single or just someone
to be seen around town with, you’re nothing more than arm candy, best
supporting actor: not much better thought of than a walking stick. Our
advice here? Turn around, walk away and never look back.
Open stages of dating
Before you drown yourself in sorrow for engaging in one too many
closed stages of dating, here’s the bright side of dating: the types of
dating stages that allow you to potentially progress to matrimonial
bliss.
#6 The flirt. If the spark is there, the initial
required level of physiological attraction, then this should happen
pretty much as soon as you meet. Flirting is an essential first footing
into the dating game, and tells you a hell of a lot about the pace you
can progress the relationship.
Take note of the other’s responses, and if the flirting is coming on
thick and fast, then take it onto the next stage. The trick is not to go
in too soon or too hard, not unless you want to come across as a moron,
and not to let the flirting stage go on for too long. If you’re still
flirting six months down the line, then they will probably have lost
interest.
#7 Wining and dining. As it says on the tin. Enough
of the flirting, get them in a one-to-one situation – things need to
move onwards and upwards. Typically this is done in a restaurant
situation, which ticks all the boxes with regards to a conducive
romantic ambience, while also providing enough of a feeling of safety
and escapability to put everyone at ease. Go easy on the alcohol,
though.
A drink or two would ease the conversation, but too much and it could
all go wrong. You might think that you’re conversational delivery is as
sharp as tack, but you probably sound like Homer Simpson to the sober
ear.
#8 The Olivia Newton-John, “Let’s get physical!” Get
enough wining and dining in and then when things seem right it’s time
to pursue the physical delights you have no doubt been obsessing over
since the first glance. Timing is everything in achieving the horizontal
shuffle with a meaningful partner, and a great way to make the
transition is to mix up steps 7 and 8, i.e., make them a romantic meal
at home.
By now, there should have been enough trust built between you to
effect this stage, and with the ambience and wine working its magic only
yards away from the bedroom, then anything can happen.
#9 Meet the parents. You are nearly home and dry, my
friend. Once you’ve met the parents there are no longer any boundaries
or barriers to the relationship. One caveat however: make sure that
there are no mistakes made the first time you do meet them.
We’ve all heard the stories about the guy who, in an attempt to
impress his future in-laws, regales them with a joke about a two-legged
dog, just as Old Blue, the much-loved family pet, drags himself into the
sitting room separating the embarrassed individual from the stony
glares of those he was trying to impress. Rule of thumb, engage brain
before mouth.
#10 Wedding bells. If that’s what you want out of
the relationship then, no worries, you’re already there. You just have
to concentrate now more on the emotional and day-to-day practical
matters to show you are ready for that next big step, and that you can
be the life partner for them that they need.
Though at first, the stages of dating may feel like baby
steps, you may suddenly find yourself wanting to take that giant leap.
Keep these stages in mind, don’t hurry, and you should be well on your
way to a smooth sailing ride to marriage!
