Every snag in a relationship has its own cause and its own solution. Find out what you can do to avoid these common hang-ups.
Relationship hang-ups are issues that prevent the relationship from
growing and progressing. They are usually borne out of immaturity and
certain insecurities that one or both people in the relationship are
dealing with.
Being in a relationship can be difficult at times, but holding on to
these relationship hang-ups can make it even harder. By constantly
letting these issues run rampant in your love life, you are
inadvertently damaging your relationship.
Why do people have relationship hang-ups?
The reason why most people have hang-ups in a relationship is because
they have been through a traumatic ordeal with a past relationship. If
they haven’t, their issues usually stem from a different experience that
is not related to romantic relationships. This can be a rocky
relationship with a family member or friend or something deeper like a
behavioral disorder.
Other times, your hang-ups may have come from a different source like
seeing a friend get over a bad relationship. You could be projecting
other people’s fears into your own relationship, because you are afraid
that something similar might happen to you and your partner.
The point being that relationship hang-ups shouldn’t exist, if it
wasn’t put in your head in the first place. The only way to get over it
is to acknowledge your fears and find a way to solve it before anything
worse happens.
What are the common relationship hang-ups?
Different couples experience different hang-ups, depending on their
individual issues, and how those issues collide with each other. Here
are hang-ups that many couples experience.
#1 The ex. If you and your partner are not each
other’s first relationship, you can expect the subject of the ex to pop
up now and then. One of the most common hang-ups that couples have is
wondering whether the ex is still in the picture and whether or not they
should be threatened.
#2 Affection. People show their love in different
ways, but some people tend to make a bigger deal out of it. They
misinterpret the fact that their partner shows less affection than they
do as a sign of dislike or loss of love. This can make a person in a
relationship more insecure than they already are.
#3 Frequency of communication. If you are not an
adult with a career, not being able to text your partner round the clock
would not be much of a problem. For couples who have busy lives, not
being able to talk frequently gets thrown out of context. Some clingy
people will take it as a slight, while others may perceive it as a sign
that their partner isn’t doing enough to reach out to them.
#4 Money. When someone is richer or earns more in a
relationship, the balance of power is perceived to tip in that person’s
favor. Generally, when a man earns more than a woman, it’s not much of
an issue, unless she’s too dependent on him. But if a woman earns more
than a man, it can develop into deeper insecurities on the man’s part,
because they are often expected to be the providers in a relationship.
#5 Cheating. Even though it hasn’t happened yet or
never will, some people are paranoid about getting cheated on. This
usually stems from a deeper insecurity, or it may be caused by a similar
incident in a past relationship. Being jealous for no apparent reason
can ruin relationships before they even get a chance to grow.
#6 Physical appearance. Some people can’t get used
to the difference in attractiveness within a relationship, while some
are too hung up on changing their partner’s appearance. When someone
feels judged or is being judged for their appearance, it can create
problems that aren’t just limited to the relationship.
#7 Secrecy. If you ask someone whether you should
tell your partner everything, more often than not they will answer
“no.” Some couples tend to fight over the secrets that they can’t
divulge to each other. Yes, couples should always be open and honest
with each other, but that doesn’t mean that you have to pester them for
information whenever you feel like they’re hiding something.
#8 Family matters. When two people are in a
relationship, they should decide then and there that any decision they
make involving each other should not include their family’s opinions.
It’s okay to ask, but it’s not okay to force it on your partner, if they
don’t agree to it. This usually happens when a major decision needs to
be made in terms of career and money.
#9 Friends of the opposite sex. This often becomes a
problem because of trust issues. It could be that your partner doesn’t
trust you enough to allow you to have friends from the opposite sex, or
they don’t trust your friends at all.
#10 Sex. When the subject comes up, it’s usually
about past lovers: how many, when was the last, how often? Another
problem is when a person feels like they’re not satisfying their
partner. It’s a touchy subject that can be the source of many fights,
especially when in bed.
How can you let go of these hang-ups?
It’s easy once you realize that it’s doing more harm than good in
your relationship. Holding on to these issues can prevent you from
enjoying the moments you have together. Instead of being happy, you’re
constantly looking for ways to be miserable.
You can deny it by saying that you’re just protecting your
relationship, but the truth is that you don’t need to protect something
that’s not under threat. Hang-ups exist, because you gave them more
significance than they are owed.
If you seriously think that these things matter and that you have
undeniable proof that they will inevitably affect your relationship,
don’t be mildly satisfied and say, “I told you so.” Fix your problems
by communicating with your partner. Tell them your fears, and make them
see that you are visibly terrified of these things.
Once your fears have been dispelled, these hang-ups will turn out to
be no more than far-off possibilities. Your partner won’t leave you.
They won’t cheat on you. Their friends are just friends. If you really
want to believe these things, here are some tips to help you deal with
them.
#1 Trust your partner. Unless they did something
really bad in the past, you can rest knowing that your partner loves you
enough to not let anything ruin what you have together.
#2 Be more confident. Don’t let your insecurities
get the best of you. If your partner found something to love about you,
why shouldn’t you be able to see the same things in yourself?
#3 Learn to let things go. Some things aren’t worth
fighting over. You need to pick your battles and prevent petty fights
from breaking out. Be the bigger person, and you’ll see that your
partner will soon follow suit.
#4 Remember that your partner chose you. Don’t
immediately consider that they like someone else without checking your
facts. Don’t turn a blind eye if your partner is visibly cheating on
you, but don’t suffocate them or hound them with probing questions, if
they haven’t done anything wrong.
#5 Enjoy your sex life. Don’t ruin it with visions
of past lovers and scorecards of past experiences. Just make the most of
what you have and explore each other’s needs, without considering any
other people.
#6 Respect each other’s privacy. Just because you’re
in a relationship does not mean that you’re not allowed to have
secrets. When both of you are involved, you can discuss the terms of
telling each other everything.
If it doesn’t concern your partner or if the issue doesn’t require
their immediate input, you do not have to feel guilty about not telling
them. The same goes for your partner, if they want to deal with
something privately as well.
#7 Be kind. Don’t let physical hang-ups destroy your
respect for each other. Don’t be bothered by the issue of appearances,
unless it’s absolutely unbearable. If your partner dresses
inappropriately, has bad manners or is living an unhealthy lifestyle,
you can voice your opinion. But if they are simply being themselves
without really harming anyone, remember that this is the same person you
fell for the first time that you saw them.
#8 Don’t involve other people in your issues. Before
you let anyone put their two cents in, you and your partner need to
discuss your problems privately. That’s why it’s a relationship problem.
If you have a personal problem, do your partner the courtesy of telling
them about it, before you tell anybody else. If you arrive at a point
where you can’t handle dealing with your problem alone, then you can ask
for help from your family or friends.
It’s not easy to handle certain relationship hang-ups, but
you have the power to not let it consume you. If it’s not a big deal,
don’t make it an issue. If you have a cause for concern, don’t bottle it
up. Tell your partner about it, and fix the problem together. That’s
what relationships are for.
