Empathy is one of the most important abilities that help people understand each other. So why is it even more important in your relationship? By Lianne Choo
It is not uncommon to disagree with another person’s views. Be it
politics, religion, or something as silly as whether you should be using
paper or plastic at the supermarket, there is nothing wrong with
disagreeing with someone. However, it is very important to practice
empathy, if you want to foster lasting relationships with those around
you.
So what exactly is empathy? Not to be confused with sympathy, which
is the ability to feel sorrow for someone else’s misfortune, empathy is
being able to connect with and understand the feelings of another. In a
nutshell, it is putting yourself in another person’s shoes and not
freaking out about it.
Whether with your friends, family members, kids, neighbors,
colleagues or your favorite Starbucks barista, empathy is very important
when it comes to building lasting relationships with others. The most
important person you should be empathizing with is, of course, your
partner. If you can’t connect with the most important person in your
life, then who can you connect with?
Why is empathy so important?
If everyone in the world could empathize with each other, the world
truly would be a better place. It is understandable that hoping for
worldwide empathy is a long shot, so why not start slow and learn to
empathize with your significant other? Here are 7 glaring reasons why
empathy is very important in a relationship, and why you should be
practicing this virtue.
#1 Bridge the divide. Fights often break out between
couples because they cannot seem to see eye to eye on certain issues.
Whether it is something major like deciding whether to have kids or
something minor like figuring out what to eat for dinner, put yourself
in your partner’s shoes so that bridging the divide and getting past
differences is not impossible.
#2 Give each other attention. When you learn to
empathize with your lover, you will be able to shower him or her with
the right amount of attention and love. When you put yourself in your
partner’s shoes, you will know whether you are smothering them with too
much affection or if you are not setting enough time aside for them.
Whether you are with a high powered career woman or with a stay-at-home
dad, empathy will give you an inkling into their lives and what they
expect from you.
#3 Bring out the positive. When you can empathize
with your spouse, you will bring out the positivity not just in you, but
in your partner. Understanding your loved one’s behavior and how they
approach life’s challenges will give you full access into their world.
This will undoubtedly bring positive change for both parties.
#4 Compassion is practiced. Seeing the world through
someone else’s eyes will undoubtedly give you the wonderful ability to
be a more compassionate person. When you can connect with your partner
and see for yourself what they have to go through on a daily basis, you
will understand just why they are the way they are. This, in turn, will
give you insight into how to make their world a better place and yours
along with it.
#5 Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Empathy is
all about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. Whether it is donning
your wife’s stiletto pumps and envisioning yourself at yet another one
of her high pressured meetings, or putting on your husband’s muddy work
boots for another tiring day at the quarry, you will be able to shed
light on why they behave the way they do if you understand what they
have to go through.
If your husband is a real grouch or if your girlfriend whines about
work every time she has the chance to, it is because they want you to
understand what they are experiencing. Instead of letting everything in
one ear and out the other, visualize yourself in their shoes and act
accordingly.
#6 It teaches patience. Empathy will undeniably
teach both parties a thing or two about patience. Instead of losing your
temper and taking things the wrong way, you can choose to react calmly
by looking at things from someone else’s point of view in a patient and
understanding manner.
For example, I make dinner for my partner at least three times a
week. A month ago, I tried out a new recipe and instead of applauding my
efforts, he said, “Honey, I prefer the fish you made last week.”
Instead of getting angry and annoyed, I put myself in his shoes. There
is nothing wrong with having differing tastes and opinions. So by
empathizing with him and being patient, I avoided an unnecessary blowout
with him over something as silly as dinner.
#7 Work on your flaws. Another reason why empathy is
so important in a relationship is because it teaches both sides that
everything is not just about them. There are two sides to everything and
being in a relationship is no different. When you empathize with your
partner, you will be able to see why they get annoyed or upset with you.
This can bring about nothing but positive change, as seeing the way you
behave through their eyes will prompt you to work on your flaws and be a
better person to them.
Self-awareness and a non judgmental attitude is needed before
you can properly empathize with someone. Look within yourself and find
the strength to be less selfish and more understanding and you are well
on your way to connecting better with your loved ones.