Though not everyone is open to the idea of an open relationship, you can try these tactics to convince your partner to give it a shot. By Lianne Choo
So what exactly is an open relationship? In a nutshell, it means that
both parties are totally fine with their significant other having
sexual relations with other people. Depending on the couple, this could
mean just sex or even building an emotional bond with someone else. At
the end of the day, all open relationships have different rules and it
is totally up to you how you want to pursue this.
No matter what you do, the key is to take it slow. Even if it takes
weeks, months or even years to drill the idea into your partner’s mind,
take your time with it. Not many people are open to this novel concept
of dating other people, whilst in a committed relationship. So you have
to look at it from their point of view. Gently urge them without coming
on too strong or you will alienate them.
The last thing you want to do is to push your loved one to do
something they are not comfortable with. Always remember to be patient
and to not hold it against them, if things do not go your way. There is
no doubt that it will probably take you dozens of in-depth conversations
to get your partner on board but it will all be worth it in the end.
How to ask your partner for an open relationship
Here are 7 simple things that you can say and do to get the conversation flowing.
#1 Casually mention it. The first step is to bring
up the subject in an elusive manner. Try not to come right out and say
it, and do not make it obvious at first that you want an open
relationship. Many people do not even know what an open relationship is,
and your partner may be one of them.
You should watch a movie together or recommend to your partner that
he or she read a book or an article that touches on the topic of open
relationships. Plant the seed in your partner’s mind and wait for the
magic to happen.
#2 Bring up a success story. The next time you talk
about open relationships, whether seriously or just in passing, bring up
a success story or two. If you know couples who are happy in their open
relationships, point out that they are happy, and that it is something
worth trying.
Use celebrities as examples if you think it will help. Rumor has it
that Hollywood star Will Smith and his wife Jada Pinkett-Smith have an
open relationship. The same goes for celebrity chef Rachel Ray and
husband John Cusimano. At the end of the day, the goal is to help your
partner see that open relationships are not such a big, bad and scary
thing, and that society is changing its stuffy views on conventional
partnerships.
#3 Hang out with like minded couples. Another way to
ask your partner for an open relationship is to spend time with
like-minded people. An example is gently urging your loved one to head
to a swingers club without going home with anyone. It is simply a matter
of exposing your partner to this alternative lifestyle, and what better
place to get a taste of it than at a sexy swinger’s club or bar? Let
you partner flirt with someone else and get them excited about the
myriad opportunities out there.
#4 It’s only for sex. When you speak about having an
open relationship, be sure to clarify the rules. The last thing you
want to worry about is your partner agreeing to this, then falling for
someone else. Make it clear that your open relationship will only be
about sex, and emotional infidelity will not be tolerated. Of course,
this all depends on the two of you and what types of rules you wish to
set in place. Make sure that you discuss this important bit together and
not shove it down your partner’s throat, and expect them to kowtow to
you.
#5 Explain why it works. Just like any salesman, you
have to explain what the benefits are. Sell the whole idea of an open
relationship to your partner, and focus on why it works and why it is
better than what you currently have. Whether the two of you should
sexually explore what is out there or if you simply want to spice it up a
couple of times, share all the pros of an open relationship and hold
nothing back. You will be surprised at the lengths your loved one will
go to, just to see you happy.
#6 Be honest. You also have to remember to be
honest. Springing the idea of an open relationship on your partner is
hard enough for anyone to swallow. They will probably experience every
negative emotion in the book, the minute you bring this up: sadness that
you want this, disappointment that they are not enough, anger that you
would do this to them, jealousy because you want to be with someone
else.
The only way to dull the negativity is to be honest. It may not work
right away, but it will eventually get through to your partner. Honestly
explain to them why this is important to you, and they may just see the
light sooner than you think.
#7 Take your time. The final thing that you have to
do when asking your partner for an open relationship is to take your
time. Patience is certainly a virtue when it comes to this. Do not
expect a breakthrough right away. As mentioned, this may take days,
weeks, months or in some cases, even years to sink in. You have to wait
until your partner warms up to the idea before embarking on sexual
escapades.
If you truly love them, you will wait for them to be ready. Making a
lifestyle change is not a piece of cake. Imagine how much discipline it
takes to go to the gym three times a week or to be a vegetarian.
Agreeing to let your spouse go out and sleep with other people takes
time and plenty of thinking, so just be patient.
Always remember that there is a chance things may not go your way.
There are cases where people have been known to walk out on their
partners, because they asked for an open relationship. Some people are
just not programmed to be accepting of this novel relationship idea so
do not be surprised if your spouse is one of them.
Just remember not to force your loved one to do something
they are not comfortable doing. Play your cards right, and you may be
surprised that your partner may also be open to the idea of an open
relationship.
