Most guys have faced this at least once in their lives. They are in a relationship with a gorgeous girl. Things look pretty much alright until she hints at taking the plunge. And when she does, your perfectly cool relationship turns into a hot bed of tensions and confusions. Do you love her? Yes. Do you still have the hots for her? A big yes. Do you think she cares about you? Again, yes. Yet you can’t bring yourself to be half as excited as her, with the thoughts of marriage; looming over your head like a dark cloud. Fear of commitment is serious. While running away from dealing with this can give you a momentary sense of freedom, it can cause regrets in the long run. So, deal with it now! Here are four tips to overcome fear of commitment.
1. Understand why you are commitment phobicOften when in a relationship we overlook the bumps on the road for a while. You enjoy the ride so much (pun intended) you don’t take stock. Is it really taking you where you want to go in a relationship? If there are serious issues like trust, ego problems with your girl this might scare you imagining having to spend the whole life with her. Sometimes, family background plays the villain. Did your parents fight too much? Have memories of their unhappy marriage permanently put you off on commitment? Are you worried about your job being negatively affected if you take the plunge? Think about these things, if possible write them down to understand where the fear is coming from.
2. Be honest and open about your fearThis is easier said than done. Often it’s easy to blame other things or people for the fears you feel. So be honest and talk it out with your girl. Remember, she might be shocked or hurt, so tread carefully. You want to be gentle. Don’t sound like you are blaming her. Talk as if you are discussing a situation. Try and be neutral, or you may end up having a big fight! Once you have discussed this, take her out for lunch or a movie to make her feel secure again about your love.
3. Think family and the good things about herVisualize the good things about her and having a family with her. Yes, bad things will be there too, like every other thing in life. But you want to be positive. Think how great you’ll feel having a baby with her, seeing the newborn say her first words, the sense of peace and stability being with a woman who cares about you. Think about why you fell in love with her in the first place.
4. Make small commitments at firstIf you feel your girl is worth sticking with, make small commitments at first. Like not keeping her waiting, remembering her mom’s birthday, following the roster when it comes to taking out the garbage and small stuff like that. This will give you a sense of what it’s like to have long term commitments. If you can do this, you can do other things as well. Life is only a bunch of days and years with more or less similar routines!