People say being a parent is a tough lifelong task. However being a step parent is more so. Children take time to warm up to a new member in the family and you don’t have to rush them anyway. If you are a new stepdad and would like your kids to merely reciprocate your love, care and attention, then follow these tips; they are sure to call you ‘Dad’ by themselves soon.
1. Spend individual time with them
One on one time spent with them without their mom is very crucial to the building of this relationship. When you are with their mom, they would invariably talk only to her but when they are with you, they will be compelled to talk to you. Your partner would in fact love to leave you all alone to get to know each other better. Take them to places, help them out with projects, cook meals for and with them when your partner can’t make it for lunch or dinner or is out of town due to work.
One on one time spent with them without their mom is very crucial to the building of this relationship. When you are with their mom, they would invariably talk only to her but when they are with you, they will be compelled to talk to you. Your partner would in fact love to leave you all alone to get to know each other better. Take them to places, help them out with projects, cook meals for and with them when your partner can’t make it for lunch or dinner or is out of town due to work.
2. Take them to their favorite places
Get to know where they like to go, what they like to do, their interest, hobbies and passions. Likewise support them. For example, if your step son loves baseball, take him to matches or if your step daughter secretly wishes to be a chef, start preparing for her future keeping her passion in mind.
Get to know where they like to go, what they like to do, their interest, hobbies and passions. Likewise support them. For example, if your step son loves baseball, take him to matches or if your step daughter secretly wishes to be a chef, start preparing for her future keeping her passion in mind.
3. Be a friend to them
More than anything, you have to be a friend to them. Know what is going on in their lives, plan family outings, encourage them to share with you whatever they wish to. Initially they may outright reject your advances but you and your partner, their mother, will have to be patient and good enough to keep on going at it until they melt.
4. Don’t do what their father used to do with them
Their father’s place is something you can never take completely because they are related to each other by blood. Don’t try to be him; be yourself and be a completely nice father in your own way. Avoid doing things which their father used to do with them as this will only bring back his memories to them and they will make you feel even more alienated by comparing you with him.
More than anything, you have to be a friend to them. Know what is going on in their lives, plan family outings, encourage them to share with you whatever they wish to. Initially they may outright reject your advances but you and your partner, their mother, will have to be patient and good enough to keep on going at it until they melt.
4. Don’t do what their father used to do with them
Their father’s place is something you can never take completely because they are related to each other by blood. Don’t try to be him; be yourself and be a completely nice father in your own way. Avoid doing things which their father used to do with them as this will only bring back his memories to them and they will make you feel even more alienated by comparing you with him.
5. Nurture them as your own offspring
Don’t insist them on calling you ‘dad'; let the feeling develop gradually. As much as you are a friend to them, you also have to maintain the balance between fatherhood and friendship. Act responsibly, be there for the kids when they need you, share their joys and sorrows, build them up as much as you can, help them with their homework, offer advice, explain how things work, organize their day, and so on. If you do all this with the expectation of immediate reciprocation, then you wouldn’t succeed. But if you do it because it’s the right thing to do, you would win their hearts slowly but steadily.
Don’t insist them on calling you ‘dad'; let the feeling develop gradually. As much as you are a friend to them, you also have to maintain the balance between fatherhood and friendship. Act responsibly, be there for the kids when they need you, share their joys and sorrows, build them up as much as you can, help them with their homework, offer advice, explain how things work, organize their day, and so on. If you do all this with the expectation of immediate reciprocation, then you wouldn’t succeed. But if you do it because it’s the right thing to do, you would win their hearts slowly but steadily.
6. Don’t try to impress them with gifts
You can’t buy love, definitely not from your stepkids. If you try to win them over with gifts, they will love the things you gift and not you. Forget accepting you as their stepdad, they may end up manipulating you to get things they want, which will spoil the kids for life. Once you stop gifting them, they may start disliking you. Always remember, no relationship can foster on material grounds; relationships bloom only because of the people and emotions involved.
You can’t buy love, definitely not from your stepkids. If you try to win them over with gifts, they will love the things you gift and not you. Forget accepting you as their stepdad, they may end up manipulating you to get things they want, which will spoil the kids for life. Once you stop gifting them, they may start disliking you. Always remember, no relationship can foster on material grounds; relationships bloom only because of the people and emotions involved.
