Just because you’ve been together for a long time, doesn’t mean there isn’t some mystery left to uncover.
Anyone who’s been in a long-term relationship knows that it takes effort to keep up a steamy sex life with a monogamous partner. Even if you like the routine you’ve both grown accustomed to, it’s still a routine, and routines get boring.
How did this happen? Have your libidos vanished? No, they haven’t. Not by a long shot. You still get turned on, he still gets turned on. The key is to figure out how to co-ordinate your desires and put some excitement back in your sex lives. You’d like things to go back to the way they were when you first got married and couldn’t keep your hands off each other, but back then there was mystery – now you watch each other floss and brush.
Take solace in the fact that familiarity doesn’t need to equal defeat in the bedroom. There are many things you can do to spice things up, starting with a change of scenery.
The Travel Element
Sometimes it’s difficult to pull a new move out of your pocket on a regular Sunday sex night. That’s where travel comes in. Plan a trip somewhere and bring your new sexy ideas along with you. Whether you have a long-planned European vacation coming up, or you’re booking a spontaneous weekend away in the country, a new location is a powerful aphrodisiac.
Being somewhere new allows you to reinvent yourselves as a couple. At home you always bring a novel to bed wearing your same old robe, lying on the same side of the bed. But at the country bed and breakfast you can switch things up without feeling self-conscious - your routine is already disrupted. What’s the big deal if you want to roll around naked on the bed?
It’s the perfect time to pull out those new moves, when spontaneity and unpredictability are in the air. And what are your new moves? Here’s a few ideas to get you started.
Lights On Or Off
Whatever your usual routine, ‘switch’ it up. If you usually make love with the lights on, watching each other’s expressions, try turning the lights out instead. You’re guaranteed to find the ‘stranger in the dark’ element a turn-on if it’s a break from the norm. Likewise if you usually opt for darkness, switch the lights on instead. Tip: bring a scarf to drape over the hotel lamp in case it’s a little too bright. And don’t use the overhead lights. You want to see each other, not perform surgery.
As any sex expert will tell you, kissing is the gateway to great sex. If you get the kiss right, the passionate mood is set, and will light a fire under your lovemaking. Think about the way you and your partner initiate sex. When do you kiss? Do you wait until you’re already on the bed, having decided to have sex? Do you kiss at the bedroom door? Upset your routine while you’re on the road, then bringing that spontaneity back to your home will be much easier.
Try spontaneous kisses throughout the evening when you’re out walking around the streets of a new city or small town. Establishing a fun-loving attitude about kissing takes the pressure off it always leading to sex, and brings you closer romantically. Then once you’re both feeling more relaxed about being together and showing your affection, great sex will inevitably follow.
Admit Your Fantasies
Sometimes we get lost in the fantasy worlds that turn us on, and we never let our partner in on it. This is a tragic mistake in a relationship. Communication is the best tool we’ve got for staying close with each other, and that goes double for sexual closeness. It’s so easy to pretend that our sexual fantasies aren’t important to the relationship, when the opposite is true. Telling your lover exactly what turns you on is a liberating experience that will reap huge rewards almost immediately. Once you get past the shyness, it will be a challenge to live out your desires together. And what better time to experiment living out your sexual fantasies than when you’re both on vacation?
Bring A Toy
Create a playful atmosphere by introducing a sex toy or two into the bedroom. If you’ve never used them before together, try bringing it up in a fun way, asking your partner if he’s every thought about using toys. Bring out a vibrator and turn it on to initiate the play, then take off your clothes and learn how to use it together. Tip: remember to buy the correct accompanying lubricant, and read all instructions. Even if you just end up giggling about it half the night, you’ve become more intimate with your laughter.
It’s not easy to break a routine. If it were, then long-term couples wouldn’t suffer from waning sex lives. But just because you’ve been together for a long time, doesn’t mean there isn’t some mystery left to uncover. You may think you know everything about your partner, but if you try to achieve a new level of intimacy together, you just might be able restore that thrilling feeling you had when you first met.