Honor your partner by getting informed about the new location.
Moving is a huge upheaval of your entire life. There are so many things to consider. Will you still be near your family and friends? Will you be closer to the family you can’t stand? Will you have to get a new doctor, dentist? Search for new schools for the kids? Just thinking about it makes your head hurt, and besides, you just finished renovating the master bathroom last spring. Shouldn’t you at least enjoy it for a while?
But your husband just got offered a job across the country and it’s a chance for him to advance in the company and move into a whole new pay scale. Your freelance job could technically move anywhere, even though you don’t want to. What to do? The best approach is the good old-fashioned pros and cons list. Draw one up based on the following issues and be prepared to discuss them thoroughly. You may discover you don’t like everything your partner has to say, but if you are in a committed, loving relationship, then you have no choice. You have to listen with an open heart and mind, and do what’s right, even if that includes a compromise.
Money
Does your relocation come with a huge salary bump or is it basically the same pay in a different place? If more money is involved, list the things you want to do with it. College fund for the kids? A big trip to Europe? You might find some common ground here that can get you back on the same page, even excited about the new, exciting possibilities together. If the money is the same, will your dollar go further in the new location? Two thousand dollars in Manhattan doesn’t go as far as it would in Tuscon. Make sure you factor in the regional fluctuations in cost of living.
Family & Friends
This is a big one. It’s a huge motivator to be near family, especially if you have children. They get to see their aunt/cousins/Grandma and you get free babysitting. Take stock of how often you rely on family or a network of friends to help you through your weekly routine. If you move somewhere without a social network, it could end up costing you more money and time than you originally thought just to run your household. Conversely, you may be moving closer to family and old friends in which case you can shave off some of your babysitting budget and allow for more barbeques in the backyard instead.
Lifestyle
Talk to each other about what you picture your daily life looking like when you get to the new location. It could be that your husband is picturing a lakefront property with sprawling acreage while you’re imagining a cookie cutter suburb with no character. Get into his shoes and find out what makes him so excited about the move. Go on some real estate or rental listings websites and see what’s out there for accommodations. You can even test the waters with schools, community centers, restaurants and attractions while you’re on-line. You might be more excited about change than you thought. And if you’re not, being well-informed can only help to have a more thorough discussion with your partner.
It’s easy to say no to something that you know nothing about, so honor your partner by getting informed about the pros and cons of this huge decision. Moving into a new house, town, state or even country is not something to be taken lightly, but it is important to keep your mood light during this contemplation period so that you can discuss things openly without letting your fears drive the conversation. Good luck!
