The hype of the wedding has died down, and you’re now officially Mr. and Mrs. Newlywed. What are the essentials you need to know?
Blissfully in love. You’ve got spring fever written all over. Blushing bride, swanky groom.
These are just a few of the adjectives that we use to describe people
who have just gotten married and are embarking on their new journey as
husband and wife. While everyone thinks that it’s a walk in the park, it
can’t possibly be.
We’re talking about bringing two people from different backgrounds
and making them stay in one household until death do them part. There
are bound to be a ton of adjustments, compromises and escalating
arguments to ensue in the next couple of months as a newly wedded
couple. So what’s in store for this newly joined pair?
What should newlyweds expect after they marry?
If you want a head’s up on what’s going to happen after you tie the knot, here are a few things you should expect.
#1 The adjustment bureau. Everything is going to be
an adjustment. It’s a merge that meets halfway through. You were your
own person before you met your spouse and you still are. There will
always be things that you will not like about each other. It might be as
trivial as the way he chops onions or the way she folds your shirts
after washing.
Keep in mind you’ve lived separate lives before this union, and will
always have your own personalities to carry with you. You may not always
eat the food that your spouse likes or the sounds they make when they
sleep.
It will be months of adjustment. Be patient and understanding. If you
feel like it’s overwhelming, talk to your spouse. Surely, your spouse
is also feeling the same way. Living together and starting a new life
together is not a game. Both of your lives are now entangled, for good.
#2 It’s just you and me against the world. The world
isn’t ganging up on you, but if it does, you know there’s one person
that will never let you down. Having a spouse is like having an
extension of you, going with you anywhere, loving you more than you love
yourself and will do everything to make you happy. Even willing to risk
their life to protect you.
As sentimental as all this sounds, it also means that it’s just you
and your spouse responsible for each other. So always be ready to be
depended upon as you are each other’s source of strength.
#3 You both have money on your mind. This is real
adulthood where you both have responsibilities. You pay your own bills,
buy your own food, pay for rent or for the car, and save up for the
future. It is not a joke anymore and you can’t be a free loader. Your
parents might help, if you’re lucky, but other than that, the two of you
need to budget your money wisely.
#4 To reproduce or not to reproduce. The age old
question, when are you going to have kids? Everyone else seems to be
excited, except for the two of you. It’s not that you don’t want to have
kids, it’s just that you still want to enjoy the first year of marriage
with your spouse, and you still haven’t raised enough money to make
your lives comfortable enough.
Or perhaps you and your spouse are on the other page, and you are
dying to have kids ASAP. You need to think about your readiness as
parents, and the support that you can get from both your families when
the baby comes.
Maybe you’re on an entirely different book, wherein you don’t intend
to have kids. Even though some people may not understand this, remember
that you, as a couple, should not be pressured into having children
simply because society deems it “normal.”
#5 The name game. In some cultures, the wives have
the option of using their father’s surname, which is what they have been
using since birth or they may opt to adopt their husband’s surname.
There’s the thrill of changing the surname and letting the whole world
know that she has been absorbed into her husband’s family.
Yet, keep in mind that before the wife was married, she had several
things under her name as well. Bank accounts, passport, licenses, etc.
Changing these important documents might also take time and can be a
stressful phase for the wife.
#6 Two heads are better than one. From now on,
everything that needs a decision will be decided by both spouses. And
this is the most difficult part of getting married, especially if one of
you is incredibly independent or strong-willed.
Which cable subscription are you getting, or are you even getting one
or just download everything on the internet? Are you going to buy a
washing machine or just bring clothes to the laundry? Are you going to
hire a maid? A cleaner? Or are you both going to clean the house?
There are so many things to discuss now that it’s just you and your
spouse. The sooner that you get everything smoothed out, the better it
will be for the two of you.
#7 Never-ending to-do list. You will notice that it
seems like yesterday that you cleaned the car, and now you’re cleaning
it again. Or that you feel like you only recently bought groceries, and
yet you are running out of food to eat.
Being two responsible adults means that there are errands and tasks
that need to be done daily, weekly or monthly. There is no one else that
would remind you of these. Having a system that will work for the two
of you will be good, so you won’t forget anything important.
#8 R and R time. As newlyweds, you two are both
excited about the activities that you do together. While it might be
true that you’ve done some when you weren’t married yet, everything
seems different now that you’re married.
Like planning for vacations, or which recreational activities should
you both spend on. Now that you’re married, you both need to give
consideration to the things that you will both enjoy. It’s not like the
husband wants to go play golf, while the wife just sits around the whole
day and does nothing. There is something called ME time for those
things.
Marriage is a compromise, which is why your R and R with your spouse should always be something that the two of you will enjoy.
#11 The obligatory extended family and friends. Your
family is your spouse’s family now and vice versa. So even if you’re
annoyed by one of your spouse’s cousins or your spouse isn’t a huge fan
of attending the 4th of July barbecue with your family, you
kind of have to suck it up and learn to get used to it. Family is
family, no matter how inconvenient or annoying they can be.
The first couple of weeks, and maybe even months, of married
life takes a lot of getting used to. But when you’re both open to each
other and you have a lot of patience to work through it all, you’ll
learn that marriage gets easier and easier as time goes by.