Have you heard wildly different opinions on married life? Here are six truths about tying the knot that’ll get you through your first year of marriage.
Getting married is a tricky subject when it comes to getting advice,
and believe me, people are not shy about giving marriage advice when you
newly engaged. This first year of marriage, unsolicited advice either
goes one of two ways:
“Your first year as newlyweds is going to be the BEST year ever!”
“The first year of marriage is going to be the hardest of your life. Watch out.”
Why such polar opinions? It all comes down to perception. Sure,
marriage is a big change, but is tying the knot really that different
from being someone’s boy/girlfriend?
Truths about your first year of marriage
Marrying your best friend is one of the most fulfilling things you
can do. Marriage is full of happiness, adventure, fun, and steamy sex.
So, why does everyone seem to have such horror stories about their first
year of marriage? We’re looking at six truths about marriage you need
to know about before you put a ring on it.
#1 Marriage doesn’t change your relationship. One of
the reasons many relationships snowball down the bunny hill after
marriage is down to one word—change. Or should I say, the lack thereof?
After getting married, some men think women become clean, caring, and
domestic. Conversely, some women feel like men will become romantic,
protective, and emotionally available. Even if none of these personality
traits existed in the relationship prior to tying the knot.
Let’s get one thing perfectly clear: getting married doesn’t change
your partner. Any problems you had pre-marriage still exist after you
get the marriage license. Even if your partner does mature and grow
these qualities over time, it certainly isn’t going to happen on the
honeymoon. So when you decide to settle down with someone, you best be
damn sure you like them exactly as they are.
#2 Marriage doesn’t mean the end of your sex life. Always
remember these words: your sex life can only be what *you* make of it.
In my experience, marriage has been the opposite of sexless. Way, way
opposite.
My first year of marriage we never left the bedroom, and I can
happily say that after years of marriage, the same is still true. Sex
every day is an absolute must, not only because orgasms are fantastic,
but because it bonds us as a unit. *Um, and did I mention the orgasms?*
Differing factors affect your desire to get down and do the dirty
with your mate after marriage. Pregnancy, children, financial stresses,
living situations, and weight gain are all common reasons, but if
something is a priority you’ll make time for it.
Your first year of marriage should be full of wild sex. If that
stops, it’s because you stopped making time to bond between the sheets a
priority, not because you got married.
#3 Money troubles are a thing. Money troubles are
definitely not a rumor in the ‘first year of marriage’ circles. If you
haven’t lived together prior to getting married, merging your finances
can be a bit awkward. The key? Be completely open with one another about
your financial situation before you march down the aisle.
Be clear about exactly how much each of you makes, as well as what
your bills are going to cost. Decide beforehand whether you will share a
bank account or if each will take care of their own share of bills.
Talking about money is icky, especially if you don’t make as much as
your mate, but it doesn’t have to be awkward! Just be open and honest,
always.
#4 Learn how to fight fair. As a married couple, you
can’t storm out of the house after an argument and stomp your way home.
You are home! That’s the thing about taking someone as your lawfully
wedded partner—you live with them. Forever. Therefore, learning how to
fight fair is going to save you a lot of grief in your marriage.
Here’s some solid advice about clipping your claws in the first year of marriage:
a. Argue with the intention of solving your issues
b. Never go to bed angry
c. Come to understand that most fights aren’t worth having
d. Never use the silent treatment
A relationship that doesn’t have disagreements is not a real
relationship. This is a statement a girlfriend said to me back in high
school, and I couldn’t agree more. Every couple argues, and for married
couples airing out your issues can be therapeutic. You just need to make
sure your conversation is a disagreement, not a fight.
The difference? Disagreements involve calm explanations of the
problem at hand and sharing your feelings on the matter in a mutually
respectful manner. An argument is just a 50/50 mix of yelling and being
mean.
#5 Can you still have alone time when you live with someone? One
of the weirdest parts of being married is realizing you never have
downtime from one another. Before marriage, you had hot sexual tension,
long date nights, and endless hours of talking or texting on the phone.
Then you headed home and played video games or waxed the hair on your
lip that he ‘so doesn’t know about’ and do all that nerdy single stuff
you’d never want your mate to see.
Now you live with them. How do you split up your time? Make this
conversation a priority. As important as it is to have regular date
nights and sexy-time together, it’s equally as important that you still
feel like you can have time to yourself while under the same roof. Make
it super easy by scheduling your faux single-self activities on the same
night.
For example, he plays video games with the boys online in the bedroom
while you have your girlfriends over for a movie night in the living
room. Or, he has the boys over to watch the big game and you spend your
night with a face mask on, plucking your brows, and scrolling through
Pinterest until your finger goes numb.
Whatever suits your fancy, just make sure you have enough time to
yourself so you still miss your mate and appreciate the time you spend
together.
#6 Living together and life goals. There are a
thousand things you’re going to love about marrying your dream partner
and living together. Sex whenever you want, snuggling in bed on a lazy
Sunday morning, constant comfort and compliments, spending your mornings
together, spider killer on hand, not to mention getting to hang out
with your best friend every single day. Awesome, right?!
However, the smallest things seem to outshine all these great aspects
of your first year of marriage. This is especially true if you haven’t
lived with your mate until after your nuptials. Things like, she doesn’t
bring her dishes into the kitchen, he leaves his dirty socks on the
floor next to the hamper, she wipes her makeup on everything, he’s
cranky when he gets home from work, are going to drive you crazy. I
mean, absolutely crazy.
Remedy these co-habitating blues and other issues involved in the
first year of marriage by talking about the following before you move in
together:
a. Who will handle what chores?
b. Buy or rent?
c. Who’s going to pay for what?
d. Do we want children?
e. How much sex per week is going to make both of us happy and satisfied?
f. Will we have pets?
g. How will we handle our alone time?
Hammering out these life goals before you enter into your first year
of marriage is a smart thing to do and help you avoid marriage bumps
along the way.
Being married is pretty amazing once you know what you’re
doing. We know if you follow our six newlywed realities, you’ll be on
your way to the best first year of marriage ever.
