Are you an introvert who’s dating an extrovert? Don’t let your opposite social preferences cost you your relationship by following these 12 easy tips!
Initially, when dating, there is often attraction between introverts
and extroverts since each partner consistently offers what the other is
missing within their life and character. The extrovert can liven up the
introvert and motivate them to take action, while the introvert can calm
the extrovert down when needed and act as a steady source of quiet
comfort.
As the relationship progresses and the pair ends up spending more
time together, they may start to get on each other’s nerves. If you’re
the introverted partner, you may start to wonder what you saw in your
“loudmouth” mate to begin with!
Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that the relationship must end. For
the introvert who really wants to make things work with an extroverted
sweetheart, here are some tips to help you do just that without going
crazy.
12 things you can do to make dating an introvert easier
For all the introverts out there who have fallen into the arms of a
loving extrovert, we’re here to help you get along even better! So here
are our top tips:
#1 Take some time for yourself. Remember that you
don’t need to spend every minute with someone just because you’re in a
relationship with them. Introverts use alone time to recharge their
personal batteries. That’s why you need to make sure you’re getting
enough.
Take a few hours to read a book, do an artistic project, go for a
solo walk or engage in whatever solitary activity makes you feel at
peace. You’ll find that you will return to your partner feeling
refreshed and able to look at the relationship in a more positive light.
#2 Accept their frequent activities with friends. Just
as introverts recharge their batteries by spending time alone,
extroverts recharge theirs by being with other people, especially in
groups. Therefore, if your extroverted honey wants to go out with the
guys or girls multiple times per week, don’t turn it into a huge issue.
An extrovert who stays home in silence too long usually begins to get
depressed, and being in a relationship with someone who’s constantly
glum won’t be much fun for you, anyway. That’s why you must understand
that your partner needs some time to be out and about.
#3 Set up guidelines regarding phone calls and texts. Generally,
introverts and extroverts differ in the way they use their cell phones.
As you may know from personal experience, introverts are often slower
to respond to texts, and sometimes won’t pick up a ringing phone if
they’re busy or just not in the mood to talk – in fact, they may not
even have the phone on at all.
On the other hand, extroverts find turning a phone off a foreign idea
and they enjoy being in frequent contact with many people, including
their partners. If you don’t want to be interrupted at certain times,
such as during work or your fitness classes, simply tell your
extroverted partner in a polite manner to avoid any misunderstandings
about you “ignoring” him or her.
#4 Communicate your needs. Occasionally, as an
introvert, you may shut down and stop communicating when you’re
experiencing difficulties. The problem is, since extroverts would never
act this way themselves, they either get totally confused by this
behavior or don’t even notice that anything is amiss.
Introverts who want additional needs met must clearly express these
needs out loud to an extroverted partner if they want to leave any
guesswork and misunderstanding out. Speaking up may not be your forte,
but staying mum will just leave you with worse relationship problems.
#5 Be open to conversation about anything. On the
flip side, introverts may be shocked by how much an extroverted partner
shares with them in conversation, especially when this information
relates to the extrovert’s feelings. As a private introvert, you may
wonder why someone would even bring such personal things out into the
open.
Make sure you don’t dismiss your partner when they bare their soul,
though, or try to assuage any negative emotions by passing them food or
drink. What they really want in this sort of situation is to talk and
pour their hearts out. As an introvert, you may find that listening as
your partner takes the floor works the best in your relationship. Of
course, your input would also be very welcome in this regard.
#6 Tell them to put a lid on it when necessary. There
may be some situations in which an extrovert truly will talk too much,
in which case they could use a little reminder of how loud or boisterous
they’re becoming.
If you’re out at an event and you notice that your significant other
is being so boisterous that they could be considered obnoxious and
annoying, it’s fine to take them aside and ask them to scale their
behavior back a couple of notches. If they’re just having a great time,
though, and others seem to be enjoying their company, let them be.
#7 Interrupt them when needed. If you’re an
introvert dating an extrovert, you may notice that they tend to talk on
and on and on, seemingly forgetting that they’re in a two-way
conversation.
It’s not part of an introvert’s natural style to interrupt, but if
you can learn to do this to add more content to the conversation, your
extroverted partner may even be delighted since they’d be able to enjoy a
discussion or a friendly debate.
#8 Accompany them to some social events. While
introverts usually prefer to attend a small amount of carefully-selected
social gatherings, most extroverts enjoy all kinds of social events
with various groups of people. Depending on their interests, they see
these events as places to make new friends or to network for business
purposes.
You could try to attend a few of these social functions with your
extroverted partner, even if they leave you feeling a tad tired, as this
will show your partner that you support them and are interested in what
they’re doing. In turn, you can ask your partner to accompany you when
you feel like having a quiet evening at home.
#9 Don’t expect them to sit still for hours at a time. Introverts
are often masters at sitting still. Four-hour opera? No sweat.
Three-hour lecture or film? Not a problem, either. For extroverts,
however, having to sit still for prolonged time periods, especially
without talking, is very tedious or even infuriating.
While it’s okay to ask your extroverted partner to accompany you to
the occasional lengthy, quiet event, especially if you attend social
events with them, acknowledge that they don’t enjoy these events as much
as you do.
#10 Recognize the difference between friendliness and flirting. Extroverts
tend to be open and gregarious with everyone, including strangers,
while introverts, although polite, show a bit more reserve. This
difference between the two becomes a problem when an introvert starts to
think that a friendly extroverted boyfriend or girlfriend is actually
flirting with someone else.
If you’re an introvert, you should not immediately assume that this
is the case, unless the extrovert is using incredibly sexual or romantic
language. Remember that conversing with a variety of people is how an
extrovert has fun, and he or she will still be going home with you at
the end of the day.
#11 Tell the extrovert what you want them to keep private. Many
extroverts are such open books that they don’t realize that other
people, particularly more introverted types, want to keep some details
of their lives private. They often spill everything to their family
members and close friends, without stopping to consider whether the
person who gave them the information would want it to be spread around
or not. Hence, if there are some details about yourself that you want
your extroverted partner to keep between you two, it’s best to come
right out and tell them so.
#12 Make sure you remain an equal partner. Sometimes
an extrovert, just because they’re louder, unintentionally takes
control of a relationship. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, so all
interactions naturally come to revolve around the extrovert’s needs, and
everything the couple does begins to relate to what the extrovert wants
to do.
As an introvert, you must not let this happen. Communicate your
needs, as discussed in Tip #4, so that you can remain an equal partner.
Otherwise, you’ll begin to resent your boyfriend or girlfriend for
having everything their way, and if your relationship does end, you’ll
feel as if you’ve lost your personal identity and have no idea what to
do next.
A relationship between an introvert and an extrovert, if
handled correctly, can be mutually satisfying for the long term. If you,
as in introvert, would follow the tips given above, and your partner is
willing to meet you in the middle, you will in all likelihood be able
to find harmony in your relationship.
