Ever wondered how some couples fight, but are still so much in love with each other? Here are 23 relationship argument dos and don’ts that can help you.
Arguments in a relationship are inevitable for most couples.
Of course, there are a few happy couples who rarely argue and understand each other completely.
But for the rest of the mere mortals, a petty fight in love over a confusion or a misunderstanding is pretty common.
Getting into an argument with your lover doesn’t make you a bad
partner, nor does it mean that your relationship is less than perfect.
But how you end the argument can define you as a good or bad partner.
Relationship arguments and its effects
If you have a choice, it’s always better to avoid arguments and communicate with each other instead.
After all, arguments in love can affect your health, your peace of mind and your productivity.
And it would separate both of you by a thick wall of cold air that
just makes any kind of interaction between the two of you seem awkward
and annoying.
Arguments also push couples apart over the long term, because it
makes both of you put your guards up and get mentally defensive. Every
time you feel like confessing something or revealing something weak
about yourself, you’d always wonder if your partner would bring that up
sometime when both of you are having a fight.
And eventually, these arguments would turn into ego wars where both
partners don’t want to give in because it makes the one giving in appear
weak and powerless in the relationship.
But really, arguments don’t have to change your relationship for the
worse. In fact, healthy arguments can even bring both of you closer
together and prevent new fights from coming up!
The most common things couples fight about
Couples fight about so many different things. But the most common
reasons couples get into a war of words is because of bad conversations
that revolve around finances, insecurities in love, and each other’s
family members.
It always starts with something tiny, like a silly difference in
opinion. But if this difference in opinion isn’t confronted in the early
stages, it just gets suppressed and turns into disappointment or
something worse.
Arguments and accusations, by themselves, aren’t all bad. It’s the
way you accuse your lover or hurt them with the rude things you say that
leave a deeper scar. True, you may be frustrated and angry. But as an
adult, you have the ability to exercise self control and say the right
things without constantly trying to inflict pain on your partner.
The next time you get into an argument, you need to ask yourself this
question, “Are you arguing with your partner because you want to fix
the issue or are you arguing with them because you want to hurt them and
put them down?”
You need to keep in mind that you can’t take your words back in an
argument once you say it, even if you didn’t mean to say something rude!
23 dos and don’ts in a relationship argument
Not all arguments are bad for a relationship. A fight or an argument
is a plea that your partner wants to be heard. So if you find yourself
standing across the room and you can’t see anything but red, remember
that you aren’t confronting your enemy!
Here are 23 dos and don’ts in a relationship argument that you need
to keep in mind the next time you’re in a confrontation with your lover.
As long as you use these tips, your partner will feel more loved and
respected, even if they’re angry with you at that moment!
#1 Don’t be silent. When your partner confronts you or asks
you for an answer, don’t just ignore them or sit quietly like they’re
not important enough to deserve a response. You may think that ignoring
them may be the best way to deal with an angry lover, but in fact,
they’ll feel worse when you do that!
#2 Don’t raise your hand. You’d get physical only when you
have nothing worthy to say or defend yourself. You probably know you’re
wrong and can’t justify yourself, and instead of accepting defeat, you
use your hands to get even and show your power.
#3 Don’t kick them when they’re down. Don’t say extremely
harsh statements to which your partner just has no answers *which aren’t
even related to the argument* just to shut them up. “You’re a
disgusting loser who can’t hold onto a job. You have no friends, no one
likes you… you’re so miserable you make me sick…” is definitely not
going to be accepted with a smile!
#4 Don’t ignore them. After the fight, don’t ignore your
partner, especially when they’re pleading for your attention. If you
don’t feel like talking to them, request them for some time alone. It’s
way better than ignoring them and making them feel miserable.
#5 Don’t threaten your partner. Don’t say that you’re leaving
or that you want to break up when you’re in the middle of an argument.
It doesn’t matter whether you just say it to scare your partner or you
really mean it, but an angry argument is not the scenario to bring up
such a delicate issue.
#6 Don’t use profanity. Avoid verbally abusing your partner or
using profanity in an argument just to emphasize your point. It’ll just
infuriate your partner or make them get more aggressive!
#7 Don’t be arrogant. “So what are you going to do about it?”
is never a good way to communicate with your partner in the middle of
an argument. It just shows your arrogance and your disregard in trying
to understand your lover.
#8 Don’t use a few words. Avoid using words like “never” and
“always” when you’re trying to say something in an argument because
you’d only end up putting your partner on the offensive, because you’re
turning their one mistake into a lifelong curse. “You always do that…”
or “You never listen…” won’t ever help you in an argument unless you’re
trying to hurt your partner.
#9 Don’t confess just to hurt them. Many partners confess
about something in the middle of an argument, and they defiantly stand
up with their chest held high just to see how their partner would react.
“Yes, I spent MY money without telling you!” or a “I slept with your
best friend!” is not going to end the argument, it’ll just take the
fight away on a completely different tangent!
#10 Don’t deny that you’re angry. If you’re angry, just say
it. Don’t pretend and say you’re fine, when clearly, you’re not. It
won’t make you feel better nor will it help you confront the issue.
#11 Don’t rake old issues. If you’re losing an argument, don’t
bring up old issues form the past just to put your partner in place.
Talk about the matter in hand and avoid straying from the present to the
past, unless you want your partner to emotionally block themselves from
you.
#12 Don’t compare. Comparisons hurt, and you’d know that if your partner ever compared you to someone else like their ex in the middle of a fight.
#13 Don’t inflict pain. Don’t say things that could
emotionally hurt your partner, or demoralize them and make them feel
more vulnerable. You may feel like hurting them while arguing with them,
but saying something like “you’re such an loser …” or “you’re such a
fool for letting this person walk all over you” will only make your
partner see red and argue back with you even if you’re only trying to
help them.
#14 Don’t gaslight. Don’t gaslight your partner, or manipulate
your partner and confuse them with false information or false stories
just to trick them into accepting what you have to say. They’ll realize
it at some point of time, and it’ll only make them lose their trust in
you.
#15 Don’t hear and tell. If someone in your family accuses
your partner of something, don’t use an argument to reveal it all like
they were always right. “My mom/dad was right about you… I really don’t
know what I ever saw in you!” may make you feel vindicated for a few
seconds, but it’ll leave your partner feeling hurt and angry, and they
may just end up giving you the silent treatment.
#16 Don’t brush away your frustrations. If you’re angry and
your partner accuses you of something, don’t brush it away under the
carpet by saying things like “whatever…” or “I don’t care what you
think…” Remember, your partner is upset with you because they’re
feeling hurt. And you behaving like a spoilt child won’t make them feel
any better.
#17 Don’t ignore your partner. If you’re angry with your
partner, don’t slam the door and walk away only to hang out with your
friends at the nearest watering hole to have some fun. Trying to show
your partner that you can have a fun time without them, or trying to
hurt your partner by showing them that you don’t care about the fight
will only make both of you drift away from each other in no time!
#18 Don’t involve a third person. Don’t bring a third person
as an arbitrator when your partner isn’t comfortable fighting or arguing
their case in front of this person. Your partner may feel betrayed when
you and the third person gang up together and try to explain why you’re
right and your partner’s wrong!
#19 Do be honest. The first step in an argument is honesty.
You need to be clear about why you’re angry and you need to talk about
it with your partner. If you don’t know why you’re angry, tell your
partner that you’re not sure why you’re upset but you just are. Starting
an argument with sincerity and honesty will always help your partner
understand what hurt you or what you need, and they’ll be able to
discuss the issue instead of arguing about it.
#20 Do try to communicate. Really, why are you arguing? You’re
arguing to fix a confusion, aren’t you? So is there really a need to
hurt your partner? Instead of trying hurt them with harsh words, try to
communicate with them so they can understand you and your expectations
or demands.
#21 Do try to calm down. It’s hard to see anything but red
when you’re in the middle of an argument. But as angry as you may be,
you need to understand that anger will never fix the issue. And past
experiences would tell you the same thing. So when you feel unbearably
angry, excuse yourself or sit down quietly for a few minutes until your
anger ebbs down, and try to talk to each other without raising your
voices.
#22 Do apologize. If you think you’re wrong, swallow your
pride and tell your partner that you’re sorry. They may be taken aback
by it, but they’ll appreciate your gesture and acknowledge your
sincerity. And even if you’re right and your partner apologizes to you,
you need to tell your partner that you’re sorry too because you lost
your cool or because you misunderstood them. It’s the easiest way to
avoid ego clashes and stay humble in each other’s eyes.
#23 Always make up after a fight. As angry as you may feel, or
as bitter as you may be, always make up after a fight. Walk up to your
partner and hug them tightly for a minute or two. You don’t need to say a
word, just hug them and try to remember just how much you love them,
and just how much they mean to you.
After all, fights are inevitable in a relationship. But that doesn’t
mean you should forget that both of you are in love with each other,
right?
Relationship arguments are momentary, but the way you deal with it
can reveal whether it’ll affect your romance negatively or better it
over time. So keep these 23 dos and don’ts in mind the next time you’re
angry with your partner, and it’ll definitely bring both of you closer
with each new fight!
