Are you experiencing the confusing complexities of an intercultural relationship? Here are 5 important thoughts that can make life a lot easier for you!
You eventually get use to the double takes, whispers and occasional
questions that prompt you to reveal if you are “just friends” or more.
But as an intercultural couple, is dating more complicated than a
relationship that’s within the boundaries of the same cultural
background?
Our society is still often stunned, and even perplexed when faced with an intercultural couple.
But beyond the shallow tendencies of our peers, couples coming from
different cultures often deal with additional pressures in their
relationships.
How to face the pressures of an intercultural relationship as a couple
Any relationship takes work, but when you are merging two cultures,
navigating new customs and norms, all while trying to stay connected and
in love with your partner, the stress can be daunting.
But the trick here is to pinpoint and remember just exactly what each of you need and want from one another.
In an intercultural relationship, you are bound to meet a few of
these challenges, but if you keep your head up and face them as a
couple, you can avoid creating a barrier between you and your love.
#1 Norms – Remember that dating and relationship norms differ
Different cultures can mean completely different dating and
relationship habits. This can range from casual dating and multiple
sex-partners, to chaperoned dates and arranged marriages. And of course,
these habits are bound to clash when you have an intercultural
relationship.
While one partner could be used to dating a different person each
month, or has nothing against one-night stands, the other partner could
have never experienced a relationship more serious than a middle school
romance, and could quite possibly still be a virgin.
These differing habits can lead to pressure very early in the
relationship. To avoid a lot of stress early on, be honest with each
other. As a couple, you need to carve out what works for both of you,
and what doesn’t. The sooner you tackle the basic dating and
relationship sphere that you will be working within, the better!
#2 Family and friends – Doubts and expectations
The doubts and expectations of both, your partner’s family and
friends, and your own, can weigh heavily on your relationship. Outside
influence impacts all relationships, but it can be particularly
overwhelming when you’re trying to merge two cultures. The diversity of
values, priorities and attitudes can add additional stress as you try to
maneuver around the tangles of doubts and expectations.
The doubts can start flooding in very early in a relationship when
your family and friends reveal their first impressions. They may
announce the eminent failure of your love, or rave about how cute your
mixed babies will be *even though you haven’t even touched that subject yet*.
They may even drop suggestions such as, “As long as you are happy”,
and then further down the road, “Are you sure this is what you want?”
And all this may lead to an information overload that will end with you
questioning different parts of your own relationship.
To make it harder, there are also their expectations, like for
instance, whether both of you plan to get married or not, and if so, in
which country? How many children will you have? Will you live abroad?
What side of the family will you live closest to? How will you access
visas? What will be the family business?
While the specific doubts and expectations of family and friends
depend on the culture, be prepared for some abrupt and awkward truths in
any sense. In order to steer clear of any major disagreements with your
partner’s family and friends, and with your own, learn to communicate
*quickly*!
Of course, if you’re truly happy, and if your family and friends are
genuinely supportive, they will recognize that you are just fine with
your mix of cultures, and should let you go on your way.
#3 Communication – Understanding cultures
Intercultural relationships don’t always mean dealing with different
languages, but they very well can! Of course, communicating with someone
of another native language poses a certain challenge. What can be
understood verbally, and what is left to physical and emotional cues?
Navigating those differences depend on the effort both of you take to
communicate, as an individual, and as a partner.
Yet, certain translations, regardless of language, are challenging to
communicate. Different cultures seem to approach body language, and
emotion with varying degrees and meanings.
Communicating with your partner could take years to understand, and
fully adjust. How your partner understands something you say, and how to
properly express yourself is an art you will have to master. It is a
good idea to be very open, to different meanings and cues, whether
verbal, or otherwise.
#4 Balance – Perfecting the balance of each other’s food and traditions
This seems like a superficial stress but you will encounter
completely different traditions, especially when it comes to food. Food
fuels us, and each culture has perfected their own balance of flavors,
aromas and textures. You might be faced with particularly potent dishes,
or extremely spicy sauces. But whatever your preference, and level of
adventurism, you need to connect with your partner *and their family*
over food. You try theirs, and they try yours.
While you’re trying a few new dishes, why not check out the arts
scene, listen to a new artist, and try to learn a traditional dance? Not
only does it show commitment, you get to learn some neat and unique
stuff, and make your partner feel special for being the one to show you!
#5 The future – planning for the years ahead
What comes next? Most couples fear this looming question but as an
intercultural couple, you have a few additional things to think about.
The cultural expectations and doubts of family and friends, who hold
varying opinions of your love, could impact the discussions and
decisions about your future.
You will have to face particularly difficult choices such as where to
live, how to communicate all of your goals and dreams to each other and
your families, and how to plan basic necessities such as careers and
money.
Money is approached in different ways in many cultural circumstances.
Some of us save for the future *whether that be – days, months, years*,
slave to pay off debt and loans, carefully handling our money so we are
in control of tomorrow, and the day after that.
Others seem to completely ignore the notion of money management all
together. If you’ve got it, you spend it. As for careers in different
cultures, there are a variety of expectations for each partner. This can
easily place pressure on your relationship and your future together if
you’re not working as a team. You should prioritize your goals and
dreams as individuals, and as a couple, and strive to meet them
together.
The most important piece of advice for intercultural relationships
The bottom line in any relationship is that you will face obstacles,
whether from external or personal pressures. Yet, when you are
navigating through two completely different cultures, the challenges can
often be harder to understand, and seem near impossible to overcome.
But, before you become overwhelmed by it all, be truly honest about
what each person needs and wants from the beginning. If you can, you
will be able to build a relationship that is especially your own, each
need and want determined by your partnership, regardless of any
additional pressures. You can stumble through the cultural differences
together, and strengthen your relationship along the way!
Intercultural relationships do come with their own share of
complications. But with a bit of effort and understanding, both of you
can stand the test of time, and live happily ever after irrespective of
all the differences.
