Trusting each other plays a big part in a happy relationship. Learn how you can get over any trust issues in your relationship using these steps.
Love is pretty predictable to start with, isn’t it?
There are just two paths you can take when you enter a romantic relationship and get past the infatuation stage.
You can stay happy.
Or you can find yourself frustrated and heartbroken.
Luckily though, it only takes a few months for your mind to realize which path you’re taking in love, the good or the bad one.
And even if you’re frustrated with your current love life, it doesn’t necessarily have to mean it’s the end of the relationship.
It just means you and your lover have issues to deal with.
Trust and other issues in a relationship
For most of us, even when we do realize that we’re not in a perfect relationship, we do nothing to fix it as the months pass by.
We don’t get out of it, nor do we try to communicate and change it for the better.
And then, we whine about how unfair love is to us.
But if you think about it, the direction of your relationship is in your own hands.
Every time you find yourself in the wrong path, you can steer
yourself towards the right direction through better understanding, or
you can let go of the wheel and find a new romance.
Trust and finding faults in love
When you find yourself unhappy in a relationship, it’s not always
your own fault. You need to remember that. A relationship involves you
and your partner. So if one of you isn’t happy, both of you need to work
together to fix the relationship.
Trust is the foundation of a perfect relationship. When both of you
trust each other completely and understand each other, it prevents
insecurities and frustrations from ever cropping up.
If you’re hurt in love, it’s your lover’s responsibility to reassure
you and help you feel better about the relationship. Well, that’s if
your lover cares enough to see you happy. And likewise, it’s your
responsibility to help your lover understand you and trust you when they
feel threatened.
Even in a happy relationship that’s stood the test of time for
several years, trust issues could crop up out of nowhere, especially
when an attractive new friend or secrecy enters the romance.
Trust and the threshold of change in love
All of us have a threshold of change in a relationship. And it
depends completely on how much we want the relationship to succeed.
When two people enter a new relationship, the two individuals have to
create a new identity, and both of them have to be flexible and willing
to compromise to fit into each other’s lives perfectly. But the extent
to which one lover compromises for the other depends on how much they
desire the other person. The less your lover compromises for you, the
more you’d doubt their love for you.
The more your doubts, the more insecure you’d feel in the
relationship. And the more insecure you feel, the more you’d doubt your
lover. It’s a vicious circle that’ll leave both of you hurt, bitter and
angry.
Insecurity and trust issues
You may love your partner a lot, but if you don’t trust them, you can
never truly feel secure in the relationship. You’d always be wary about
everything they do, and you’d always doubt their love for you.
Trust issues in a relationship can lead to depressions and intense
frustrations. And the more frustrated you get, the harder you’d try to
cling on to your partner in the fear of losing them completely, which
can make you a clingy and controlling lover *and there’s nothing worse
than that*.
10 reasons why you have trust issues in your relationship
There are many reasons why you may doubt your partner or have trust issues, but they usually fall under these 10 reasons.
#1 You think your partner lies to you very often.
#2 You think your partner lacks integrity. They’ve
cheated on someone in an earlier relationship / You’ve cheated on
someone and *knowing how easy it is to cheat* you assume your partner
may be cheating behind your back too.
#3 You don’t know much about your partner’s life and what they do when you aren’t around.
#4 You don’t know your lover’s friends and their inside jokes which makes you feel insecure when they’re around.
#5 Your partner is secretive. *locks their phone or deletes their messages often*
#6 You feel threatened by your lover’s friendship with someone you don’t know well.
#7 You’ve had bad experiences in love where an old lover has betrayed your trust.
#8 Your partner just doesn’t share details about their life with you as much as you share yours with them.
#9 Your partner gets furious when you intrude into their private space without their permission.
#10 Your lover flirts with others.
If you’re in a happy relationship that’s built on trust, these 10
reasons for trust issues may seem trivial. But if you’re insecure, even
the smallest of these reasons could send you sulking to the corner of
the room.
Speak to your partner about it
Don’t be ashamed to let your partner see your weak side.
Relationships are built on trust, and it’s important for your partner to
know exactly how you feel. If something bothers you, don’t hide it even
if it seems trivial or embarrassing.
If your partner loves you and wants you to be happy, they’d try to
understand your concern and help you overcome your trust issues.
How to help your partner overcome their trust issues
Does your partner have trust issues in the relationship? If you’re
having a hard time convincing your lover that you’re faithful and have
no intentions of cheating on them, here are six ways to help that
special someone in your life overcome their trust issues.
#1 Open up to your lover. Your partner may feel
insecure in the relationship if they believe you don’t communicate well
with them. If your lover asks you about something, don’t give abrupt
answers or one-liners. Instead, communicate and have a conversation.
#2 Talk about your daily lives. Talk about your day,
the little things you did and the people you interacted with. When your
partner feels like they know what you’ve been up to when they weren’t
around, it’ll help them feel more secure in love.
#3 Introduce your friends. Introduce your lover to
your friends, especially the ones your partner feels threatened about.
Let your lover bond with them so they feel like a part of your circle of
friends. As long as your partner feels involved in your group of
friends, they’ll feel less threatened by the attractive and touchy feely
ones.
#4 Show them you care. Shower your lover with
compliments and reassuring words. Remind them just how much you love
them and need them. Sometimes, your partner may feel insecure when they
don’t hear those loving words often.
#5 Talk about your secrets. Revealing a few secrets
can instantly bring two people close. It happens all the time, between
friends and definitely between lovers too. When your lover feels like
they know more secrets about you than anyone else, they’d feel more
special and reassured.
#6 Don’t be aloof. Don’t get angry or annoyed when
your lover unnecessarily craves for your attention. Your lover is
frightened you’ll leave them. Think from their perspective, and if you
truly care about keeping your lover happy, help them through this
difficult period.
How to get over your own trust issues
Do you find yourself frustrated and annoyed because you believe your
partner’s too distant or doesn’t communicate enough with you? Talk to
your lover and help them see the issues through your eyes. And once
you’ve done that, use these five steps.
#1 Try to think from your partner’s perspective. What would you do if you were in their place? Be truthful to yourself and think rationally instead of judging them in haste.
#2 Ask your partner to help you. Be truthful about how you feel instead of retaliating with frustration or by giving your lover the silent treatment.
#3 Speak out. Every evening, calmly tell your
partner about every instance that day when you felt threatened or
insecure. It’ll help your lover understand what upsets you, and at the
same time, they can explain themselves to you too.
#4 Don’t repeat your lessons. If it bothers you that
your lover is holding a friend’s hand while talking, talk to your
partner about it. Tell them how you felt and ask them how they’d feel if
you did the same thing.
If your partner helps you see their perspective and you get satisfied
with their answer, that should be the end of the issue. The next time
the same issue crops up, you should be able to deal with the issue
yourself without asking your partner for an explanation all over again.
#5 Learn to reason with yourself. If you’ve followed
these steps, and you’re still having a hard time getting over your
trust issues, you really have some thinking to do. Is your partner
trying hard enough to help you get over your insecurities? Or are you
just not able to deal with your partner’s active social life even after
they constantly reassure you? Or finally, are you in a relationship
where you just can’t deal with the insecurities anymore?
Be patient and work together
Irrespective of who’s having trust issues, you or your partner, you
need to know that it can’t be flattened out overnight. It takes time,
sometimes a week or two, and sometimes even a few months.
Building trust back into a relationship takes a lot longer than the time it took to lose the trust.
But if your partner is just not able to overcome their trust issues
no matter how giving you are or how willing you are to bend over
backwards or spill out your entire life to them, perhaps it’s time to
seek help from a friend or a professional, or walk away for good.
Almost always, a partner with serious trust issues could start off
meek and sad, but turn into a demanding lover who orders you around all
the time. Most controlling lovers start off by showing signs of
insecurity, and no matter how much you give them, they’d always want
more from you.
Use these steps to help your partner get better, but if you feel like
this isn’t worth the effort, perhaps, your own happiness may be more
important to you than the success of the relationship. There’s nothing
wrong with that though, it only helps you realize what’s more important
to you.
Trust issues and the jigsaw puzzle of love
Not all relationships are built the same way. Some perfectly happy
lovers are addicted to each other, while other perfectly happy lovers
like keeping some space in between. Some lovers are monogamous, while
others are swingers or live in open relationships.
All of us are unique and have our own wants from a relationship. But
that doesn’t mean one relationship is better than the other. There is no
perfect recipe for love. It’s as unique as the individuals in it.
So if you’ve used all these steps on how to get over trust issues in a
relationship and still have a hard time getting over your insecurities,
perhaps, the relationship you’re in isn’t the right one for you. You
and your lover may be perfect individuals, but as a couple, both of you
may not be the best fit in the jigsaw puzzle.
Sometimes, even two perfect individuals can’t create a perfect relationship no matter how hard they try.
Use these steps sincerely and get over your trust issues, but
if it’s still not working, you either need to try harder or walk away
before you find yourself more hurt than ever.
