Are you afraid of making a real commitment to your relationship? Use these 10 signs to know if you or a lover is experiencing the fear of commitment.
Are you afraid of commitment?
Do you get cold feet each time you find yourself getting addicted or dependent on someone?
Or worse, do you find that you enjoy dating but hate thinking about
the future of a relationship, especially when it comes to marriage?
The fear of commitment can ruin even the best of relationships.
But yet, for most of us, it’s unavoidable, and at times, even inevitable.
A new romance may bloom like a fairy tale, but just when it starts to get serious and nears the happy ending, we panic!
And we begin to wonder if we’re actually ready to commit to something more serious.
What is the fear of commitment?
The fear of commitment has always been a guy thing, but in no way is it an exclusive guy thing.
Women are just as prone to being afraid to commit as men.
But coming to think of it, why are most of us so afraid to get
involved in a serious relationship or take the next step towards
marriage?
To define it, the fear of commitment is the fear of entering into a long term relationship or the fear of getting married.
But more often than not, most people aren’t really afraid of long term relationships. It’s marriage that petrifies them!
There’s something about holy matrimony and “till death do us part”
that shoves cold feet under our torso, and makes us question the
longevity of the relationship.
The survival of your relationship and your commitment
If you’re in a long term relationship that’s lasted at least a few
years, it’s obvious that the idea of the next stage of marriage will
eventually enter your head.
But how do you feel about that? Does it excite you? Or does it scare or annoy you?
If you feel any emotion other than some form of happiness when you
think of marrying your lover, you’re probably suffering from the fear of
commitment. It’s not a totally bad thing, but it’s definitely not good
either.
You need to know this, everything in life is about stages and
evolution. To survive, you need to evolve. If you stop evolving, you’ll
stagnate. And it’s the same thing with relationships too.
Romance needs to evolve or one of you may get attracted to someone else.
Sexual intimacy has to evolve or one of you may lose interest in having sex with the other.
And just like that, a relationship too has to evolve into marriage or
some kind of commitment. If it starts to stagnate, it’s definitely a
red alert for your love life.
Why are you afraid of commitment?
The reason behind your fear of commitment can be summed in one sentence. You don’t want change!
You may be afraid of change, you may be unsure of what could happen
in the future, or it could be just about any other reason associated
with change. But it all comes down to this. You don’t want a new
unpredictable change in your life because you’re afraid you may not like
the change.
But instead of confronting the real fear *change*, you look for a
million reasons to justify why you should stay away from commitment. And
without realizing it, you’d start picking flaws and faults in your
partner just to stay away from commitment. But once you start picking
flaws, you can never truly respect your partner or love them the way you
once did. And that, my friend, is the beginning of the end of your
relationship.
Admit it, for whatever reason it may be, you’re afraid of commitment
because you’re uncertain about what may happen in future. And that
thought scares you!
If you need to overcome your fear of commitment, you need to learn to
confront your fear. Why are you really afraid of commitment?
10 signs you’re afraid of commitment and are looking for excuses
Here are 10 common signs that you’re afraid of commitment, and are
looking for excuses or reasons to chicken out of marriage or a long term
relationship. Do you find yourself using any of these 10 reasons
*excuses*?
#1 One life. Just one person. Does the thought of
being with just one person for the rest of your whole life scare you?
But you’re not cheating on your lover with someone else right now, are
you? If you’re happy in the arms of your lover today, why does the idea
of living with them for a lifetime scare you?
#2 The fear of the end of the relationship. No one
can promise you that you will surely have a happy ending. Nothing in
life is ever guaranteed. But here’s something you need to keep in mind,
your happiness and romantic happy endings are almost always in your own
hands.
#3 The lack of sexual variety. The first time you
have sex, it’s awesome! But as the years pass by, the sex can start to
get pretty monotonous and predictable. But that would happen only if you
allow your sex life to stagnate. Get naughty and wild, and your sex
life will always stay on a high.
#4 There’s so much you want to achieve. You may
think commitment or marriage would hold you back from achieving your
goals or your dreams. But is there a real reason behind your paranoia?
Commitment may affect your goals at times, but more often than not, it’s
just your excuse. If you ever walk into a crossroad, you have to make a
choice and stick to it.
#5 You’re perfect just the way you are. This is a
great excuse. You’re in a happy relationship and everything’s just
dandy. So why would you want to get married just to conform to the rules
of society? You definitely have a good point.
But instead of looking at marriage as unnecessary rules set by the
society, try to see it as a moral commitment you’re making to your
lover. Nothing really changes with a verbal commitment, but yet, your
sign of commitment shows your lover that you truly love and respect
them.
#6 You have a plan. Do you have a five year plan or a
ten year plan? Sometimes, all of us have long term plans to achieve our
goals in life. But a commitment can’t kill you, can it? If you really
need to devote all your time and attention to something else, or if you
need to travel because that’s part of your big plan, learn to
communicate.
Talk to your lover and explain your plans to them so you can douse
their insecurities about the relationship. If you don’t do that, you may
just end up losing your lover someday real soon!
#7 Ultimatums. Have you been given an ultimatum by
your lover to make a commitment? At times, giving an ultimatum is the
worst thing to do in a relationship, because ego and anger always creeps
into the scenario. But if you’ve been given a deadline to make a
commitment, don’t get angered by the ultimatum.
Ask yourself what you really want, swallow your ego and your pride,
and take a decision. After all, most ultimatums are given out of
desperation and pain, rather than with the intention of pissing you off.
#8 Bad memories. A bad case of cheating exes and
heartbreaks can leave you paranoid about long term relationships and
promises of commitment. The past can hurt you and haunt you, but that’s
no excuse to stagnate in your new relationship or feel insecure about
it.
Take baby steps, one step at a time, until you feel confident and
secure about your new lover. You may think you have every reason to
stall commitment, but you have to remember that you’re hurting your
lover and leaving them confused with your actions.
#9 The lack of space. Space is the silent killer of
romance. At first, lovers cling to each other and want to be with each
other every second of every day. But as time goes by, both lovers start
to drift just a little bit. But yet, no lover ever talks about it
because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings!
If you’re afraid to commit because you feel you’ll lose your own
personal space, don’t worry about it. As long as both of you make the
effort to give each other space and grow as individuals, the commitment
will only make both of you fall more in love with each other and become
better individuals at the same time.
#10 Is she/he the one? Are you still uncertain about
whether this person is the one for you? This is the worst place to be,
and your fear of commitment is completely justified. But you’re also
being a selfish person.
If the only reason you’re holding back from making a commitment is
because you’re not entirely sure you want to be with this person, take a
few days or a week and make up your mind. Don’t ever leave the person
who loves you hanging by a thread because you’re too chicken to make a
decision, or too selfish to care about what would happen to your lover
after you break up and walk away.
Moving in together – The coward’s alternative to a commitment?
These days, lovers move in together all the time. But statistically
speaking, couples that move in together before getting married end up
separating very soon. Does that mean living together before marriage is
bad news for love? Definitely not!
The biggest reasons why live-in relationships fail is because couples
don’t really take the relationship seriously. They make no commitments
and just move in together because it seems like an easier alternative.
If you want your relationship to be successful, make a commitment
before moving in together. After all, moving in together should never be
used as an excuse to avoid making long term commitments. Moving in
together should be seen as the next stage in the relationship, and the
stage before marriage. Thinking along these lines would help you realize
just how serious moving in together really is!
Life isn’t all good and all bad
You’re afraid of commitment, and that’s alright. Perhaps, you’ve had
your share of broken relationships or cheating lovers. But that doesn’t
mean a new relationship can’t have a happy ending.
Life isn’t all black and white. There’s always the grey area where
anything goes, and what works for one will never work for another. Take a
leap of faith and take a chance. It’s true that our mind always
remembers the bad experiences and puts a stronger emphasis on it all the
time.
And in all probability, you could even forget the good experiences
you’ve had over the years with your lover. But most importantly,
avoiding a commitment will always lead to the end of your relationship.
It’s almost always inevitable.
Communicate. Overcome your fear.
If you truly care about your lover, don’t be selfish. If you truly
are afraid of commitment, speak out and let your partner know what’s on
your mind. If something scares you about making a long term commitment,
talk to your partner about it.
Communicating frankly may seem uncomfortable at first, but as long as
explain your fears subtly without intentionally trying to hurt your
lover, they’d definitely be more understanding of your fears and may
even help you overcome those very fears.
Remember, you can’t pause life. You can evolve or you can perish. If
you believe there’s a happy relationship stage in between dating and
commitment that can last forever, well, you’re wrong. And you’d end up
losing the one you love too.
The fear of commitment may seem genuine, but it’s almost
always just an excuse because you don’t like change in your life. Use
these 10 signs you’re afraid of commitment and ask yourself, do you
really have a reason to be scared?
