Ever wondered why there are some couples that still continue to thrive even when the romance is gone? Here’s what’s keeping their relationship alive.
Romance is said to be the flame that keeps the passion alive in
relationships. When that passion fizzles out, we assume that the
relationship is at its end.
What most of us don’t realize is that there is still a big difference
between romance and love. We were trained and conditioned to look for
passion, but we fail to realize that it’s not the only thing that can
keep a relationship afloat.
There are millions – even billions – of hopeless romantics out there,
but looking at a couple without any sense of romance can make you
wonder if the hopeless part is all that’s left. If you look closely, you
might see that the romance does exist. It’s just not noticeable enough
to be seen by the naked eye.
Does romance really die?
Romance dies because there’s nothing to feel romantic about anymore.
When people grow apart, they realize that the things that gave them a
reason to love and show love are no longer there. Romance dies because
people stop being in love. You can’t elicit romance in any type of
relationship if you’ve stopped harboring intimate feelings for a person.
This is why romance dies, but why is it that some people thrive in their impassioned relationships?
When we talk about relationships that are intact, even without
romance, it does not mean that the relationship is devoid of all
romance. Some people just look at romance differently. When one person
sends you a hundred roses, someone else might consider bringing home
some groceries just as romantic.
I know it seems inconceivable, but that’s because your affection
cannot be measured by how extravagant your gift is or how far you walked
in the rain with a boom box placed on the crown of your head. Your
affection is measured by how sincere you are and how much you care about
someone – basically immeasurable, if we want to talk semantics.
How do relationships survive without romance?
The relationships that work well without the lovey-dovey,
week-anniversary-milestone, glucose-oozing acts of affection are those
that don’t need it. Some people are just programmed to coast without
needing to showcase their love for each other. How you show your love is
not as important as actually feeling it. When two people are in sync,
they can co-exist in an adult relationship even if they don’t physically
show it.
This is where that unseen connection comes in. Being in love gives
you the capacity to overlook the subtle nuances that romance has to
offer. It’s enough for some people to just be in the moment and
appreciate everything in the relationship without having to validate it
with what outsiders consider to be romantic gestures.
Then what keeps those relationships intact, if not romance?
It might seem like a big mystery, but the things that keep
relationships intact – aside from romance – are the simple acts and
human emotions that run through each and every one of us.
#1 Love. The most important and simplest factor of
all. Love is not complicated when two people understand that its
existence doesn’t need to be justified or validated.
#2 Care. Caring comes in many forms. Whether it’s a
helping hand in the kitchen or an immediate response to a crisis, your
presence and input are more than enough to make up for a lack of
romance.
#3 Acceptance. When you know where you stand and are
not looking for more, you can rest knowing that you and your partner
are in a perfect place with your relationship.
#4 Contentment. Those who yearn for more in a
relationship are well within their rights to ask for something that they
feel is missing. Couples who are content with how they approach their
relationships need only ask for more when the situation calls for it.
#5 Empathy. Being okay with a lack of romance means
that you and your partner understand each other well enough to know that
you’re okay with how things are going. When something feels
uncomfortable, these couples are more likely to react accordingly.
#6 Sense of duty. It might seem like an imposition,
but it’s the complete opposite for the person who’s willing to do their
duty as a partner. It’s essentially a full-time job, but they knew what
they were signing up for.
#7 Familiarity. Even if the romantic aspect of the
relationship does not exist, you still can’t help but feel incomplete
without your partner. Their presence in your life is what keeps you
going. In turn, it’s what keeps your relationship going as well.
#8 Dependence. The good kind of dependence is when
you acknowledge that being with your partner is good for you. It’s only
bad when you rely on them on every aspect of your relationship.
#9 Pleasure. Just because a couple isn’t romantic,
it does not mean that they don’t engage in the primal parts of being in a
relationship. If the sex is really good, you can bet that flowers will
never be an issue.
#10 Family. Having a family can overshadow the need
for romance. Some people choose to focus on their love as a whole,
rather than a gesture reserved for just two people.
#11 Appreciation. Rather than nitpick about what
your partner didn’t do for your anniversary, you can find more joy in
actually appreciating what they do for you each and every day that
you’re together.
#12 Gratitude. Saying thank you to each other can
actually make up for a lot of things that most relationships have.
Acknowledging the good things that have come out of your relationship on
a regular basis can make it last longer.
#13 Sincerity. Although some couples don’t adhere to
the expectations of romance, their transparency and honesty is enough
of a sign that they’re in a relationship for the long haul.
#14 Communication. The strongest relationships are
those with people who know how to express themselves. They can even
discuss the lack of romance in their relationship and why it works for
them.
#15 Emotional stability. When you and your partner
are in a good place as individuals and as a couple, your relationship
will thrive no matter what context it is in. Romantic or not, being in
love, content and happy is more than enough.
What if I need romance in my life?
It’s not a crime to want romance in your life. We’re just saying that
there are some things that can make up for a lack of romance. It all
depends on what you want out of a relationship. If romance is what makes
you happy, then ask for it.
If your partner truly loves you, a few sweet messages and setting
aside a day for anniversaries would not be too much to ask. When you are
dating someone for a long time, you start to find out what makes each
other tick. Your partner will realize that romance is a necessary
factor. If they don’t want to provide that, you can either arrive at a
compromise or let go of the relationship – if it makes you unhappy.
The point is that romance is not the be-all and end-all of
loving relationships. It wouldn’t hurt to have some of it now and again,
but it’s up to you whether or not you’re open to or want a relationship
filled with romance.
