Despite the constant roadblocks keeping your relationship from progressing, here are 10 signs you should keep fighting the good fight.
Rocky relationships can feel draining, where you’re always waiting
until the next time something terrible happens. It can feel like
everyone around you is in a better relationship while you’re still
dealing with pettiness, mistrust, and/or communication problems.
But maybe not all is lost: a rocky relationship is simply the type of
relationship that needs work, a lot of work, before it can be the best
it can possibly be. All those other happy, healthy relationships that
you may know went through several rocky stages before getting to a more
stable point. Yours doesn’t have to fail, but both you and your partner
have to be willing to put in effort, time, and patience.
How to know if you should stay in your relationship
Think of the following characteristics as building blocks that you
can use as starting points for something better. If you have all ten, or
even just most of these, then it would be unwise to give up on your
relationship just yet.
#1 You both talk about your problems, even if you lack healthy communication techniques. You
may end up arguing and getting impatient, but you both still try to
talk about your concerns and point of view. This shows that you both
care enough to try, even while knowing you could use better ways of
communicating. It means you value the relationship, and are therefore
willing to reach a better point, one in which you’ll talk patiently and
effectively.
Despite how grim things seem now, you have a foundation to build
from. Now you both just need to find ways of calming down and getting
your message across without getting into a fight.
#2 Despite your problems, you have fun together and share many funny, happy, and healthy memories. It’s
tough to let something go when there’s plenty of good times, even if
there are many darker ones. If you both agree you have chemistry and a
great dynamic, regardless of the drama, then maybe there’s a chance
here.
The trick lies in finding ways to cut down on the bad times, and
build up the good, which you can do if you both sit down and figure out
what works and what doesn’t.
#3 Neither one of you feels a strong desire to call it quits. No one really enjoys a breakup, even if they deny it and act happy, but there are times when people genuinely want to
break things off because they’re unhappy. Wanting to call it quits and
being willing to endure the mourning process means you’ve already moved
on from the relationship.
If neither one of you feels this way at all, but you both genuinely
want to solve things, then there’s a building block to work with. Now
all you need to do is come to terms with the problems and come up with
possible solutions *no matter how small*, so you can remain in the
relationship and not ever feel the need to run for the hills.
#4 The love is there, and you really don’t have eyes for anyone else. It’s
safe to say that if there isn’t love on either side of the
relationship, you should break up. There’s no point anymore, and you’re
clearly interested in seeing other people. But if the love is there, and
it’s so strong you can’t even fathom the idea of being with anyone
else, then you owe it to yourselves and each other to try.
Love isn’t easy to come by. The world is filled with people who are
lonely or in relationships out of comfort. If you have something real,
it’d be a shame to throw it all away over issues that you could work
through together.
#5 Neither one of you is in denial, and you’re both aware of your relationship problems. It
sounds ridiculous, really, but this is a pretty big deal. If one or
both of you is in denial, you’ll downplay problems, neglect things you
need to solve, and even let issues fester and mutate into something far
worse than it ever was. Like a disease, it will spread into everything
you do together, sucking the joy out of sex, lounging time, date nights,
and eventually, your lives.
If you both do not have this issue and are more than aware of the
problems without sugar coating them, then you have a healthy perspective
of what’s going on, and you can take realistic steps to fix it.
#6 You’ve always said sorry and gone the extra mile to make things up to each other after an argument. Saying
sorry is hard for everyone, whatever the situation. You have to put
pride aside, own up to your mistakes, and ask someone else for
forgiveness.
The act is a vulnerable one, but if you and your partner do it and
find ways to make things better after an argument *crazy sex, special
date, special food or event, doing some more of those small things that
speak more than words, etc.*, then you deserve to give your relationship
a second chance.
#7 You can confidently say that you are better together, stronger and far more focused on priorities. Think
back to when you were single, however long ago it was: what weren’t you
doing that you started doing while in your relationship? Maybe you were
in school, barely passing your classes, and now you’re done with
college, after graduating Summa Cum Laude. Or perhaps you were partying
too much, making poor choices, but you now focus on your
responsibilities and have a better head on your shoulders.
Now think of your partner. How has their situation changed for the
better? Whatever you do while in a relationship tends to be a reflection
of your partner. Healthy relationships are composed of people who
inspire and motivate each other to do better. If this is you, don’t
throw your relationship away.
#8 The issues you have do not include other people, unfaithfulness, vengeance, or abuse. Some
people can get past cheating, but most do not for a reason: it means
your relationship lacks something, or your partner does, and you chose
to go off the beaten path to find it because it meant more to you than
the relationship. To each their own, and some really do move on and lead
happy relationships thereafter.
However, if your relationship is rocky, you’re already in a
vulnerable state. Anything related to infidelity, abuse, or even
vengeance *i.e. always wanting to get back at your partner, no matter
how small the issue* will end your relationship. This is a blessing in
disguise because although you’re in distress, you’ve also rid yourself
of an unhealthy situation. Now, if this does not apply to you in the
slightest, then you shouldn’t be contemplating ending things for good.
#9 Your partner isn’t just your partner, they’re your best friend. You
both kiss, hug, have sex, and make plans for dates and even the future.
You hang out with family and friends but love your alone time together.
Despite your problems, this remains true.
But is your partner also your best friend? If you both poke fun at
each other, share some of the same hobbies, actively take on projects
together, drink together, hang out and do nothing together, or go on
adventures together, then you’re best friends.
If you have a partner that is your best friend, don’t throw that
away. It’s not every day that you meet someone you don’t feel the need
to impress constantly, someone who won’t judge you if you just rolled
out of bed and look like road kill, someone who knows embarrassing
things about you and would never betray that trust by telling people.
#10 At the end of the day, you share the same goals for the future. If
you’ve established you’d love to have a future together, and grow old
together, then it’s a serious long-term, committed relationship. If you
both talk about what you’d like that future to be like, and agree on
most of it, then you’re golden. For instance, maybe you both want to
live in a small place and focus on an open floor-plan, or retire in
Europe. Maybe you both want kids, or refuse to have kids.
Whatever the case, if you both smile when talking about the future
and share the same vision, or at least a similar one, you shouldn’t
throw it all away. Instead, you should fight together, for the good of
your relationship, to make that vision come true.
Rocky relationships have a stigma of being the kind of relationship
to avoid at all costs, but in reality, they’re just cases in which two
people need to find ways to highlight their strengths and make them mesh
well with each other’s. It’s not impossible, and if done well, your
genuine desire to make your relationship last can lead to a very strong,
rewarding relationship.
There’s a huge difference between an unhealthy relationship
and a rocky one that just needs a few tweaks. Take a long hard look at
what’s keeping your relationship afloat, and use the signs above to
decide if your relationship deserves a second chance.
