Relationships are filled with ups, downs and in-betweens. How can you find peace amidst the tumultuous chaos in your relationship?
Although there are thousands of feelings and emotions on the
spectrum, it is easy to categorize everything that we have ever felt
into two distinct categories: happiness and sadness. Somehow everything
is linked to either one, and rarely do we ever feel apathetic about a
major life occurrence.
It is easy to feel overwhelmed with joy in happy moments such as the
birth of a child or a marriage proposal. On the other hand, when we are
faced with challenges that involve a terminal illness or getting cheated
on, it is understandable that life may seem messy and disorganized.
However, you have to remember that it is possible to gain peace of
mind, no matter the circumstance. You have to remember to focus on the
positives and shrug off the negatives. Although you may find it hard to
find the silver lining when your best friend has to undergo
chemotherapy, you have to always stay focused on overcoming the
stressful bits, as this will undoubtedly do more harm than good.
The same philosophy can be channeled to your personal relationship.
No matter how miserable you may feel about your significant other, you
have to work through it, if you want to survive. Whether you are reeling
from an emotionally abusive fight, to learning to forgive you spouse
for his or her transgressions, relationships are part of life and that
means having to face the downs as well as the ups.
How to stay strong in a tumultuous relationship
When something bad happens, you may feel like sadness is overtaking
every fiber of your being. However, you have to persevere and stay
strong for yourself. Here are 13 tips on what you can do to find inner
peace in a messy relationship.
#1 Live in the moment. Remember that you only live
once and that being bogged down by sadness and fear is really not going
to get you anywhere. Stop thinking about the past and do not focus too
much on the “what ifs.” Live in the moment to find true inner peace,
because the present is the only moment under your control. You will find
that once you let go of the past and stop trying to change the future,
you will be more peaceful and happy.
#2 Breathe. Learn to take deep and consistent
breaths, every time you feel overwhelmed. Garnering inner peace starts
with something as simple as breathing right. Breathe in and out through
your nose and do so ten times. Upon completion of this simple exercise,
you will find a weight lifted off your shoulders.
When you are ready, learn how to meditate. Studies have shown that
meditating daily for 20 minutes at a time can positively impact your
overall well being. It is a surefire way to still your mind and help you
find inner peace. All you have to do is find a quiet and comfortable
area. It could be under your favorite tree in the park or in your
bedroom. Close your eyes, clear your mind and focus on the emptiness.
Look up tips online, speak to a friend who meditates, or sign up for a
class if you do not know where to start.
#3 Spend time outdoors. You will be surprised at how
peaceful the great outdoors can be. Doing a spot of shopping in the
busiest part of town and strolling in and out of stores does not
constitute spending time outdoors. Go as natural as you can.
If you live in a bustling city, head to the closest park or garden
and be inspired by how calming being surrounded by greenery can be. If
you are able to, make an effort to head to a national park or the
outskirts of the city for a hike or biking excursion. Enjoy the sights,
smells, sounds and stillness of being away from civilization, and relish
being one with nature as often as you can.
#4 Smile and laugh more. You may think that forcing a
smile onto your face is just a farce, and that you are not going to
feel any better inside. Well, you are wrong, because a simple smile can
make a whole world of difference. You should enhance positive emotions
instead of suppressing them.
In 2008, a study published in the Journal of Pain proved that people
who frowned during an unpleasant procedure reported feeling more pain
than those who did not. The same can be said for positive emotions and
the facial expressions linked to them. The more you smile, the more you
restrict negative energy from invading your space.
For example, instead of feeling angry at your spouse for being late
for dinner, you can smile and make fun of each other for not being
timely people. You will find that bitterness and anger are kept to a
minimum and that you will feel better in no time. It is easier for peace
to find a way into your day when you exude positive emotions, and there
is no better way of doing so than with a smile.
#5 Pick up a new hobby. You should strive to learn
something new as often as possible. Whether it is learning how to make
homemade soap, or educating yourself on both sides of the
Israeli-Palestinian conflict, learning something new will help you
achieve inner peace in a messy relationship.
This is because focusing your energy on something else will help you
take your mind off dwelling on the negative aspects of your life. Not
only will you grow as a person, you will be improving your overall self
worth, by absorbing new information and talents. In turn, you can share
the fruits of your labor with your spouse in a bid to mend your messy
relationship.
#6 Practice yoga. Yoga is a wonderful platform for
finding inner peace. Deep breathing coupled with the almost
meditative-like poses will do wonders for your overall well being. Not
only will you be able to still your mind every time you are faced with
the negatives that come out of your messy relationship, you will also be
encouraged to stay fit and healthy.
Turn your yoga practice into your source of spiritual calm, and you
will feel so much better inside and out. If you are new to yoga or need a
refresher course, pick up a yoga DVD for beginners or sign up for a
class to learn the fundamentals.
#7 Accept life as it is. Once you realize and accept
that life is meant to take its course, you will find inner peace.
Although there is nothing wrong with taking control of your life, you
have to realize that everything happens for a reason. All the pain and
hurt that you have to endure will only make you a stronger and more
prepared human being.
The same goes for joy and bliss. Not a single day goes by that your
emotional strength is not tested. Life is like floating on a raft down a
river. Sometimes the river is calm, and other times it is fast paced.
Either way, accept that life is a beautiful thing to be enjoyed and
appreciated and you will be one step closer to finding inner peace.
#8 Help others. Another way to find inner peace is
to offer it to others. Stop being materialistic and selfish. Everything
that you have built for yourself can come tumbling down in a heartbeat.
Whether it is declaring bankruptcy due to a bad business decision, or
making up your mind to file for divorce, life will never stop throwing
curveballs at you. Remember that in the grand scheme of things, you are
not particularly special. Everyone has to deal with curveballs, and most
of the time, they can be a lot worse than what you may expect.
Be kind to those around you whether you know them or not. Stop
focusing on your problems and help others out for a change. Whether it
is volunteering at an animal shelter or raising awareness for an
orphanage, you will find great peace, when you think and care about
something or someone else other than yourself. Being kind will put your
problems into perspective and give you the opportunity to be grateful
for what you have.
#9 Have an open mind. Another way to garner inner
peace is to stop being so close-minded. Most of the time, anger and
frustration stem from not understanding or realizing what others believe
in. You may scoff at someone who takes his religion seriously and not
understand how he can be so blindly led by something as intangible as
faith. Take time to educate yourself by reading up on other beliefs,
religions and cultures.
How you do things in your country may be sacrilege in another
country, and vice versa. Once you look beyond your core belief system
and into the great beyond, you will find yourself being more
understanding and positive. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes, open
up your mind to another opinion and you will invite peace and happiness
into your life.
#10 Be hopeful. No matter how bad the situation may
be, never let hope die. Your relationship with your spouse may seem like
an unfixable mess, but you cannot give up hope that everything will be
just fine. Whether it is overcoming something traumatizing like the loss
of a child, or learning to forgive your partner for committing
adultery, you have to be hopeful and believe that you will be happy
again no matter what happens. By keeping hope alive, you will
undoubtedly find peace and the strength to get through difficult times.
#11 Grow into it. Look at finding inner peace as a growing experience. There is no doubt that you will not be
able to transform and still your mind after only a day of meditating,
yoga, and being positive. Finding inner peace and calm takes time and
effort. You have to learn to resist the negatives that life throws at
you, and embrace the positives.
Treat finding inner peace like a journey. Cut out the negatives from
your life and work out your mind and body into finding and accepting
positive energy. Grow into the practice of being happy and peaceful and
before you know it, they will become second nature to you.
#12 Rebuild familial relationships. Another way to
build inner peace is to rebuild broken relationships with family
members. Whether it is your estranged mother or problematic sister,
forging a strong relationship with your family members will bring you
inner peace. Even if it means getting in touch with them just once to
apologize or tell them you forgive them, you will be surprised by how
much happier and lighter you will feel when you let go of the anger.
Anger towards family members is unlike any other type of emotion that
you will ever feel. To gain inner peace, you have to release the toxins
from your mind and heart. If you already have a good relationship with
your family members, make the effort to spend more time with them and
draw strength from their support to get you through your messy
relationship. Remember that inner peace will be easier to find when you
have a good support system in place.
#13 Seek counseling. Sometimes all you need to see
the light is advice from an unbiased third party. Whether it is a family
member, close friend or counselor, there is no denying that offloading
your messy relationship problems onto someone else will help you put
things into perspective. You will be surprised at how much more peaceful
you will feel once you seek help from someone else.
Always remember that you are worth the effort. No matter how
difficult the journey to achieving inner peace may be, you have to tell
yourself that you are worth it. No one else can stop you but yourself,
so channel positive energy into your life and before you know it, you
will be happier and more peaceful than you have ever been!
