Here are 9 effective tips on what you can say and do to increase your success rate when dealing with someone who hates confrontation.
So what does it mean when someone says they have a
non-confrontational person in their life? It simply means that this
person would rather turn their back on a problem, than tackle it head
on. He or she is also probably non-aggressive in nature and most likely
on the quiet side. With that being said, there is no denying that there
are plenty of introverts out there who are also non-confrontational.
Confronting someone is tough enough, and now you have to factor in
the added drama of dealing with someone who would rather walk away than
confront the problem. How do you go about quickly solving life and
relationship problems, if your partner has a non-confrontational
personality? There are no two ways about it. You have to resolve the
issue at hand, and the only way to do so is to tweak your presentation
and talking points, so that they align with this person’s personality.
Although my partner has no problems with confrontation, my brother is
someone who tends to shy away from this. Hence from a very young age, I
learned how to deal with someone who has confrontation issues. Not many
people have the patience for this, but if you have someone in your life
whom you care about very dearly, there is nothing you can do but be
patient during a showdown.
How to deal with a partner who has a non-confrontational personality
If you do not know where to start, here are 9 helpful tips for you to
keep in mind, the next time you have to sit down for a serious talk
with a non-confrontational partner.
#1 One thing at a time. When dealing with a partner
who has a non-confrontational personality, the best way to do so is to
focus on one thing at a time. Do not inundate this person with more than
one negative problem or issue at once, as it will send them scampering
off in the other direction.
Give them the opportunity to work on one thing at a time before
bringing something else up. Knowing that your partner hates
confrontations, there is a very slim chance that you will be able to
sort through everything in one sitting, so selecting the most important
issue to tackle is definitely the clever thing to do.
#2 Prepare talking points. Make sure that you know
what you are going to say. Not only will this kickstart the
conversation, it will also set the tone. The last thing you want to
worry about is having this person walk out on you out of sheer
irritation, because you do not know what to say. Memorizing a script is
impossible, so at the very least, prepare some talking points so that
you know what to say and how to steer the conversation back to the topic
at hand, if things go awry.
#3 Let them decide when. Let your partner decide on
when they would like to have the conversation. You do not control their
schedule, and hence do not know what they are facing at work, everyday
stresses they have to deal with and so on.
Letting your partner choose when he or she would like to sit down
with you for this serious discussion gives them a basic sense of control
that they probably will not get during the upcoming conversation. If
they end up procrastinating and are not able to promise you a fixed time
or date, offer them several options and let them pick one.
#4 Pick a friendly place. Whether it is at your
favorite café, in the comfort of your living room or at a park, pick the
right setting. It is even better if you let your loved one decide. Try
to steer them to select somewhere calm and quiet, where you can have a
proper conversation. Of course, speaking at home is the best option as
it gives you a sense of security and privacy that nowhere else can
offer.
#5 Take the fight out of it. This is perhaps the
most important tip that you should adhere to. Remember to treat the
confrontation as a friendly and productive conversation, rather than a
fight. Try your very best not to raise your voice. As difficult as it
may be to stay calm, this is something that you have to get very good
at, if you want to make any leeway at all.
#6 Do not place any blame. Stay away from any form
of “he said, she said” shenanigans. Never play the blame game when
dealing with someone who has a non-confrontational personality. This is a
surefire way to send them right back into their shell.
Even if you are right, try your level best not to offend your partner
or goad him or her into a fight. You will not win, as they will simply
walk away and leave you shattered into a million angry pieces. As unfair
and difficult as it is to walk on eggshells when confronting someone,
these are the things that you have to do when dealing with someone who
cannot function when confronted.
#7 Listen carefully. Once you have brought up the
problem, the rule of thumb is to listen more and speak less. Hear what
your loved one has to say, even if you have to coax it out of them.
Remember to ask for their opinions and how they would like to solve the
problem. Get them talking and take it from there.
#8 Be gentle but persistent. Keep in mind that you
will probably digress a lot from the main topic when dealing with
someone who does not like confrontation. They will try to avoid the
issue, bring up other topics, confuse you with something else or
sometimes even completely ignore what you said.
Be persistent, but remember to be gentle about it. Do not lose your
temper when trying to get something out of them. Remember that people
who have non-confrontational personalities avoid confrontations because
they simply do not want to argue and upset themselves. If you can offer a
calm environment to them, there is no reason why you will not get what
you set out for.
#9 Patience is a virtue. Patience is very much
needed during all forms of confrontations, and even more so when dealing
with someone who hates being in that position. As difficult as it can
be at times, remember to be supremely patient. Do not snap at your
partner, do not mock them, do not raise your voice and try your best to
keep sarcasm at a minimal. The more polite and patient you are, the more
likely your confrontation will be a success.
Do not blame your non-confrontational partner for the lack of making
any headway when dealing with issues. You play a very important role in
this too. Instead of looking at confrontation as telling someone off for
not doing things the “right” way, think of it as solving a problem
together.
You can either make things better as a team or you can be
frustrated at your non-confrontational partner and kick up a fuss alone.
Obviously, the latter will get you nowhere. So no matter what, remember
to be patient, calm and understanding and everything will eventually
fall into place.
