Ever wondered what little bits of wisdom you can glean from being in a relationship for 7 years? Here are some profound insights you can learn. By Colleen Anne Javellana
Love is perhaps one of the most complicated things to define. The
term, after all, is rather abstract in its meaning and its substance.
For many people, no two loves are the same. People have different ideals
when it comes to love and relationships, and experience plays a huge
role when it comes to these ideals.
When one first enters into a relationship, the feeling is all
“sunshine and butterflies.” After all, there is nothing quite like the
innocence of one’s first relationship. It’s like taking the first baby
steps into unfamiliar territory. You find yourself stepping out of your
comfort zone and opening yourself and your vulnerabilities to a complete
stranger, and it can be both beautiful and frightening.
Swimming in strange seas
I have always been a cautious person. As a child, I was somewhat of a
loner. I chose a few friends who I felt were loyal to me. I shied away
from crowds because I felt that I drowned in them. Strangely enough, I
would consider myself quite the hopeless romantic. As I was growing up, I
found myself to be falling in love with the concept of love. My
introspective nature allows me to see a somewhat idealistic, albeit
unrealistic view of the world.
Soon, the cautious girl found herself to be falling in love with
someone who was “not-so-cautious.” It was, in many ways, a case of how
“opposites attract.” True, I had many crushes before, but this one was
different. I found myself feeling a mix of emotions, and I was having an
internal debate. I was, after all, about to graduate college and
entering a relationship would add another milestone in my young life.
What I learned from falling in love
Looking back, there is no greater teacher than experience. Life is
indeed funny because it brings us to the people who would teach us the
greatest lessons that we need to learn. I am well aware that my journey
goes ever forward, and that I am still learning. As Bilbo Baggins once
said, “The road goes ever on.” The lessons I have learned these past
seven years remain evergreen.
#1 Love is not like the movies, at all. Most people
would say that love is like a fairytale. I beg to disagree. In fact, the
original fairytales were often sadistic tales of gore and death. I am a
huge fan of the romance genre. Every now and then, I would find myself
to be a sucker for these movies that it embarrasses me. But love does
not work the way that the movies do.
We are all human beings with our limitations and weaknesses. Big
romantic gestures, if thought out in real life, would fall flat on your
face. In the end, I didn’t need my love story to work out the way the
movies did because that would be so predictable. After all, it is the
little mysteries that keep relationships even more exciting.
#2 There is no perfect relationship. Let us get one
thing straight, no one’s relationship is perfect. All those lovey-dovey
couples you see on social media are just one-sided posts to the story.
No couple is without flaws, fights, arguments, and mistakes. But you
weather through them with each other’s help. As cliché as it might
sound, a relationship is about two imperfect people weathering through
life’s storms together.
#3 As time goes by, your partner becomes less perfect and more human. And
that is perfectly okay. We go about entering into relationships
thinking we found the perfect one for us. We find their little quirks
and idiosyncrasies to be quite adorable, and at times, charming.
However, there is such a thing called the ‘honeymoon period’ and as soon
as it’s over, one would find these quirks to be less charming, and at
times, downright irritating.
We would soon find out that our partner would have flaws. It’s not
like they weren’t there before, we just seemed to have glossed them over
during the entire honeymoon period. I immediately realized that I
didn’t want my partner to be perfect, I wanted him to be flawed, because
I too was flawed. When you both accept each other’s flaws, you get to
see a deeper part of yourselves.
#4 Your love becomes more “real.” There are
different stages of love. When one enters the first stages of the
relationship, it is a love that is “innocent” because the entire
relationship is new. We go about not expecting anything. We don’t expect
to get hurt, we only expect happiness.
As time goes by, and reality sets in, you will find out that in one
way or another, you will get hurt. Seeing your partner as someone who is
capable of making mistakes would make it a challenge to love them. Such
is the challenge of love: it becomes less of an ideal and more real.
#5 You become comfortable in each other’s silence. During
the first few stages of your relationship, you want to know everything
about the person. You want to have conversations every chance you get
because you fear silence. When you get deeper into the relationship,
there is no such thing as awkward silence. In fact, it is only
comforting to have some quiet time together.
Oftentimes, this kind of silence speaks louder than words. It brings
peace into the relationship. It only shows that the relationship has
matured and that you are respecting each other’s space. You might be
doing different things silently, but you are in perfect communion with
each other.
#6 Love becomes less of a feeling, and more of a choice. People
say that one of the common misconceptions of love is that it is a
feeling. One gets the “butterflies in the stomach” feeling whenever
one’s significant other is near. Perhaps it isn’t a misconception, after
all.
Rather, as we grow older and progress into the relationship, the love
that we share evolves into something more. To love maturely is making
the choice to keep on loving this imperfect person when you know that
they have flaws, that they are capable of making mistakes. This is where
the beauty of love begins.
#7 There is nothing more eternal than true friendship. A
mature relationship means more than just romantic feelings towards each
other. It also entails being friends. Love goes beyond the romance,
because when it all comes right down to it, love is based on friendship.
When you are each other’s best friend, you both know that you have
someone you can rely on as the years go by.
#8 Intimacy is always key. Intimacy means more than
just sex. Intimacy is a meeting of minds and ideas. Intimacy is reading
each other’s favorite books. It’s having a healthy argument every now
and then. Your shared intimacy is a reflection of who you are as a
person and how you share it with your partner. It shows your
compatibility in the end. Intimacy brings you closer in a deeper level
that no words can truly define.
I have grown older. I am no longer the innocent girl, fresh out of
college with all her ideals on love and romance. Now in my
late-twenties, I could say that I have matured quite a lot. I am not
saying that I know a lot about love, in fact the more I think I know
about love, the more it evades me. What I do know is that I am no longer
the same person.
I may still be idealistic but I have learned many things in
my seven-year relationship. Love certainly changes you, and I might not
know what tomorrow brings. But whatever happens, I know that it will all
work out for the best.
