The rules of regular dating and an LDR are different. Are you committing any of these mistakes with a partner who’s half a world away?
Long distance relationships always seem to get such a bad rep. Many
people seem to think that these relationships won’t last very long. They
think it’s just a tiny misunderstanding away from breaking up. The
thing that these people don’t know is that a lot of long distance
relationships have successfully blossomed into a more mature
relationship. In fact, a lot of them end up being so much healthier than
your typical I-get-to-touch-my-SO relationships.
What you should never do in a long distance relationship
Like most conventional relationships, LDRs also face their fair share
of problems, the most obvious one being the huge geographical gap
between two lovers. In order to overcome this, we’ve created a list of
things you must do your best to avoid, in order to maintain and nurture
your relationship.
#1 Letting your LDR rule your life. No relationship
should take up all of your time. Everyone needs to have some space to do
their own thing, whether it’s work, activities or hanging out with
loved ones. With long distance relationships, however, the two people
involved may think that they need to spend every conceivable moment on
the phone or on Skype together.
Quantity doesn’t equal quality. What are you supposed to talk about
when you’re limiting each other’s social sphere to a video on a computer
or phone? Go out there and do something interesting that you can talk
about with your significant other. You can have a full life and still be
able to make it home in time for your 9pm Skype session.
#2 Blaming your partner for lost time at work or school. You
may have different time zones, which would require you to sacrifice a
bit of time in order to talk to each other. For some, the time zone
difference is just a couple of hours. For others, it’s a whole 12 hours.
Just imagine waking up at 4am in order to catch your honey right as he
gets home from work. This can result in loss of sleep, not being able to
function at work or even being late for your obligations.
There is always a means of compromise. Let your significant other
know that your activities are important. With the help of technology,
you can leave videos and voice messages on each other’s phones. You can
text. Compromise is a lot better than just bearing the inconvenience and
then blaming your significant other when things go awry.
#3 Assuming you have the same expectations. No one
does. Before you part ways or before you enter into a long distance
relationship, you have to make your expectations clear. Say it if you
want to talk every day, twice a day, have a video call once a week and
so forth. Don’t assume you’re on the same page with this.
On your part, it’s also important that you know what your significant
other expects. This allows you to discuss how you can insert your talk
time in between your daily activities. Don’t just make it up along the
way, because that’s just asking for a ton of misunderstanding and
disappointment!
#4 Relying on one medium for your communication. The
internet can get slow, phone lines can be unreliable and snail mail
isn’t exactly practical. If your partner isn’t online, don’t instantly
assume that you’ve been ditched on your date. Call up their mobile
phone, and ask if everything’s okay.
The fact that you can’t physically go to your partner can open you up
to a lot of paranoia, especially if your chosen medium flunks out on
the other end. Just be patient, and don’t assume the worst immediately.
#5 Being out of reach during an argument. In a
typical relationship, when couples fight and one of them walks out, the
other only needs to sprint to catch up and start patching things up. In a
long distance relationship, on the other hand, once you hang up, turn
off your phone and go offline, what other options does your significant
other have?
Your partner is not just a voice inside a gadget. On the other end of
the line is a real person who is trying to make your relationship work.
Shutting off your gadget won’t make them disappear, and it will only
serve to make the problem worse. It’s like the physical equivalent of
vanishing into thin air, and no one should have to go through that!
#6 Settling for just talking. The internet gives you
the cheapest and most convenient way of communicating with other
people. But it’s also nice to communicate in different ways, like
sending snail mail or a postcard. There’s just something sweet and
sentimental about knowing that you’re touching something your
significant other has also recently touched.
Little surprise packages in the mail are also a sweet gesture,
particularly for birthdays or anniversaries. If you’re feeling a little
frisky, a little video striptease might even spice things up.
#7 Pretending that everything is okay when it’s not. This
happens in typical relationships too. The difference is that in LDRs,
your partner may not be able to tell that something is wrong from the
fuzzy webcam image of you. If there’s something you want to talk about,
speak up.
Your partner may not be there to hug you, but they can be an
empathetic listener. Never underestimate how much your partner
understands, especially if they’re dedicated enough to push through with
a long distance relationship with you.
#8 Lying about a night out. Nights out are sort of a
grey area in LDRs. Though some couples trust each other enough to be
totally cool with it, other less secure couples aren’t as comfortable
with it. Whatever your level of comfort about it, the bottom line is
that you have to tell your partner the truth.
Let them know who you’re with, where you’ll be going and what you’ll
get up to. Honesty and trust are two of the strongest pillars in LDRs.
Lose one, and it all comes crumbling down. If you don’t trust yourself
enough to not do anything you’ll regret, bring a friend who can keep you
in check or don’t go out at all.
#9 Comparing your relationship to typical relationships. Every
relationship is unique, with their own strong points and weaknesses.
Your most obvious “weakness” just happens to be distance. But that
doesn’t mean you’re not in a loving and healthy relationship.
Just because you don’t get to have sex or kiss or go on dates as
often as the typical couple, doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed to
fail. Typical relationships have their own ups and downs, as does
yours. Don’t let the milestones of other couples make you think any less
of your own relationship.
#10 Giving in to cynics who put your relationship down. A
long distance relationship is a tough pill to swallow. It’s not for
everyone. But just because a bunch of people who have never tried it are
saying that it’s bound to end in a breakup, doesn’t mean you have to
fulfill their pessimistic prophecy. If you think your relationship is
doing fine, and your partner agrees, then it probably is.
What other people say about your relationship can really hurt. But
that should only give you the motivation to keep fighting for it, to
prove them wrong. They don’t get to say what you and your partner can
do. Besides, if anything, LDRs can be the ultimate test of love,
understanding, trust and honesty. Not a lot of couples are given that
chance, and even fewer couples pass the test.
As with every relationship, mistakes will be made along the
way, but that doesn’t mean you should give up on the first roadblock.
Keep fighting for your long distance relationship, and allow yourselves
to strengthen your bond, even if you’re miles apart.
