Relationship anxiety can be like a cancer in any relationship. If you are overly anxious in your current union, the only one who can change that is you.
Those who have a tendency to experience anxiety can have a hard time
in relationships. Anxiety is something that can make even the best
relationship tense and mistrustful. If you have been hurt in the past or
have trust issues, you may be guiding the relationship anxiety in your
current partnership.
Sometimes, the hardest thing to learn in life is that no matter how
hard you try to control things or those around you, you can’t. Trying to
hold onto someone or a relationship with too much fervor will end up
unhealthy smothering. Anxiety is a horrible feeling. It can make you
tense and can distract you from being able to enjoy the life that you
have with your significant other.
Relationship anxiety: Is it killing you alive?
The only way to let go of the anxiety that you feel in your
relationship is by learning that you can’t ever predict what is going to
happen, nor can you control the outcome of any situation. The only
thing steering the ship is fate, and no matter how much we want
something to happen, it only will if it is supposed to. Keep these 20
mistakes and tips in mind for getting rid of relationship anxiety for
good!
#1 Stop trying to control everything. No matter how
much we want everything to go a certain way, trying to micromanage every
aspect of our lives and relationship isn’t going to help. Often, the
behaviors that we exhibit get the exact opposite of what we want. If you
hold onto things too tightly, you are liable to squeeze the life right
out of them. Loosen up and allow yourself to be along for the ride
sometimes.
#2 Sometimes, there’s simply nothing you can do to change a situation.
Anxiety comes from trying too hard when there is nothing you can do. If
your desire is to keep the relationship together, the truth is that if
it’s meant to be, then it will happen naturally. If someone loves you,
there isn’t a thing you can do to make them stop. Stop worrying about
what will be, and just enjoy the ride.
#3 Realize that your relationship anxiety is also hurting your partner.
Anxiety often makes us push others away. When you are anxious, it
affects not only you, but also the people around you. Like standing next
to constant turmoil, anxiety-ridden people are uncomfortable to be
with, and they make interactions difficult. Instead of being anxious
about your relationship, take the time to see how your behavior can
produce positive effects by just being yourself and going with the flow.
#4 Take a deep breath and think about your actions before you take them. When
we are anxious, we are more likely to react without thought. That can
lead you to constantly overreact, which is a self-perpetuating cycle to
be on. Put the anxiety at bay and take the time to rationalize any given
situation before you respond to it. Time is the best anxiety cure there
is.
#6 If you feel something, don’t let it build. The
worst thing you can do if you are an anxious person is to keep
everything bottled up inside. Like a pressure cooker, if you don’t let
those feelings out as they come, they are likely to get out of control.
Before you know it, you are overwhelmed and screaming like a crazy
person. Instead, it’s much better to communicate your fears with your
partner than to try to constantly hide them.
#7 Don’t write your own story. Anxious people have a
tendency to let situations get away from them or to exaggerate what is
happening. The more they ruminate over things, the bigger they become,
but only in their own mind. Before you create an entire story in your
head, try to separate what is real from what you have created. Don’t
make a mountain from a molehill because of your relationship anxiety.
#8 Stop over analyzing. Putting meaning, intention,
or assumptions into any situation has the potential to make it more
dramatic than it needs to be. If you overanalyze things, simple words
suddenly turn into emotion-laden ones. Before you know it, you’re in a
major fight with your partner, and neither of you has any idea what
you’re even fighting about in the first place.
#9 Don’t wait for the shoe to drop. If you are
always looking for signs that something is amiss or that a shoe is going
to drop, you may have relationship anxiety. This can make you feel like
there is always something lurking to make things complicated. Even when
things are calm, you are looking for something to go wrong. But this
may cause drama in your relationship where none should exist.
#10 Try not to let your past creep into your future.
It is difficult not to let a past event creep into your mind in a
current relationship, especially if it was something traumatic. No one
wants to be hurt or disappointed. But if you are breathing all sorts of
anxiety into your relationship, you are probably creating a scenario of a
self-fulfilling prophecy. If you don’t put your past in the past, then
it is going to destroy your future.
#11 Figure out what your triggers are. If you notice
that certain topics or even people trigger your feelings of
relationship anxiety, try to stop those triggers dead in their tracks.
Often, when we get stuck in a fight cycle, it is because of triggers
that cause anxiety and cause us to overreact. Don’t sit and stew over
these trigger points. Instead, take a deep breath, change the
conversation, or remove yourself from the situation.
#12 Have a vent buddy. If you’re feeling anxious,
don’t poke the bear. If you start to feel a breakdown coming on, pick up
the phone and call a friend who knows that you are a crazy,
anxiety-ridden nut, yet loves you anyway. Knowing that you are just
overreacting, they will know how to talk you out of whatever scenario
you have created in your mind.
#13 Have distractions in your life. The worst thing
for any anxious person is idle time. Idle minds truly are a devil’s
playground. If all you have to do is sit around and overanalyze
everything and to compartmentalize your relationship, you are never
going to have any peace for yourself or your partner.
You know that being anxious and scared all the time is a horrible
feeling, so find something to fill the empty spaces you feel so that
there isn’t room for negative thought to creep in and start you down the
wrong path again.
#14 Don’t put all of your energy into one thing. The
anxious people I know typically have one focal point in their life and
ignore the peripheral of the situation. If all you are doing is focusing
on your relationship, then you are going to overanalyze and overthink
it. A healthy relationship is full of friends, family, good times, and
laughter.
If all you can think about is the state of your relationship, not
only is that obsessive, but it isn’t healthy, either. Put your energy
into many things in your life, including yourself. Instead of worrying
so much about where your relationship is headed, think about how you can
take steps to make yourself a better person and happier all around.
#15 Let things go. If you find that you’re
constantly looking for something from your significant other and they
simply can’t give it to you, learn to let it go. Stop feeling like your
better half is trying to create conflict intentionally or push your
anxiety buttons. The reality is that they are probably walking on
eggshells trying not to set off the intensity that comes from your
relationship anxiety. Learn to pick your battles and give up the need to
“win” all the time.
#16 Learn when it’s time to walk away. If you can’t
resolve your issues, know when to give up and walk away. It isn’t
healthy to stay in an argument that’s going around in circles. Know when
something isn’t going to get resolved and it’s time to just wave the
white flag and walk away.
#17 Don’t self-medicate. If you are anxiety-ridden
about your relationship, drinking or doing drugs to self-medicate is
only going to make matters worse. Alcohol will not only loosen your
inhibitions, but it will steer you out of control. This can lead to even
more problems within your relationship.
#18 Be active. Anxiety is driven by a hormone called
adrenaline. Thus, there are sometimes physical and chemical reasons for
your relationship anxiety. Once you get that rush of adrenaline or
feelings of anxiety, a ten-minute walk can help it to move through the
body and relax your parasympathetic system enough to start thinking more
rationally. Exercise is one of the best ways to overcome your anxiety.
#19 Be honest. The more you try to hide how you
feel, the worse it will get. If you can’t talk to your significant other
about your emotions, it may be worthwhile to see a therapist.
Sometimes, the anxiety you feel is the symptom of something much greater
than the state of your relationship. If it gets to the point where it’s
ruling your union and is also overriding your quality of life, it may
be time to take bigger steps to overcome it.
#20 Know you aren’t alone. Anxiety is something that
everyone feels. You don’t have to hide it or be ashamed of it.
Relationships can make you feel vulnerable and bring out your greatest
fears. Take heart, you are not the only one going through tough times.
It will get better if you can just ride it out, breathe, and try to
relax a little.
Anxiety is one of the worst feelings you can experience,
especially if it never goes away. If you are experiencing relationship
anxiety, it will likely not go away on its own. But by keeping these 20
tips and mistakes in mind, you can help to keep your anxiety in check
and lead a happier, more fulfilled life.
