When you say, “I do,” it is a
promise to love, respect, and honor one another. These are 25 signs of
disrespect in a marriage to watch out for.
No one said marriage was easy. Well, if they did, then they haven’t
been married or talked to anyone who was honest about the tribulations
of maintaining a “happy marriage.” Although each marriage operates
differently, there are some universal signs of disrespect in a marriage
that create tiny holes and eventually rip it wide open.
We have all been around that couple who makes you feel uncomfortable.
Hostility that can be cut with a knife, you just know things aren’t
good at home. But, there are two types of marriage discord situations:
the silent type and the outward type.
Sure, talking badly to or about your spouse is one of the signs of
disrespect in a marriage. There are many other covert and much more
hurtful ones that no one sees but the people who receive it.
25 signs of disrespect in a marriage
Disrespect is something intolerable in any relationship. And, even if
you think you’re strong enough to weather the disrespect storm, not
only will the tide take you over, you simply shouldn’t be with someone
who isn’t as respectful to you as you are to them.
Disrespect comes in many forms. From using crude language to
derogatory phrases, usually, it is the sum total of the way that someone
makes you feel. If you think they disrespect you, don’t second guess
yourself. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued and
loved.
#1 They never put their phone down. I get it, phones
are super fun and important, but they shouldn’t ever be more important
than spending time with your spouse. When you put your phone in front of
your face, it says to your partner, “I’m sorry I have better things
going on right now.”
#2 Their friends know more about them than you do. A
marriage is supposed to be two best friends. If you find out about
major life events, or just day to day things, from someone other than
your significant other, then that is a sign they don’t make you a
priority.
#3 They never introduce you to other people they know.
What is worse than standing there while your spouse goes on with
someone who is clearly a good friend and not only do you not know them,
or of them, they don’t even consider you critical enough in their lives
to say “Hey, this is my wife/husband ___.”
#4 They only take care of themselves and couldn’t care less about the household. A
partnership is supposed to be just that. If they only care about
themselves and what is on their agenda, guess what, they don’t respect
what is going on in your life. Either way, that isn’t cool.
#5 They don’t acknowledge your accomplishments. If you respect someone, then you honor their accomplishments.
Someone who isn’t proud of you or what you have accomplished isn’t
respectful of who you are or your life goals. Being respectful means not
being jealous and giving someone a “hey good job” no matter what is
going on in their life.
#6 They take every opportunity possible to make you feel less than.
When you respect someone, you want to make them feel good about
themselves, to build them up. If they take every opportunity to cut you
down, point out your insecurities, or just to make you feel bad, that is
extremely disrespectful and not something you need.
#7 They talk about and to you derogatorily.
Respecting someone means you boost them up, not tear them down. If they
can’t follow the “Thumper rule” of not saying anything if you can’t say
something nice, or even worse, can’t say nice things, then that is one
of the signs of disrespect in a marriage.
#8 Nothing is off bounds. If they don’t know when to
stop, think laughter should be at your expense, or tell intimate
details about what goes on in your lives without any thought to how it
affects or hurts you, then they simply don’t respect you.
#9 They hide things from you. Part of being
respectful to your partner is showing trust and being open and honest.
If they keep secrets from you, big or small, there is a reason why. They
try to maintain control. Controlling someone doesn’t exude respect. If
someone can’t be trustworthy, they are extremely disrespectful not just
to you but to the commitment you made together.
#10 They treat you as if you disappeared tomorrow they wouldn’t notice, or better yet, they’d be happy.
When you respect someone, you make them feel loved, appreciated, and
valued. If someone treats you like the only thing that would change is
the laundry piling once you are gone, that doesn’t scream respect. That
screams “I take you for granted and would just move along if you moved
on.”
#11 They make a big deal out of other men/women and look right through you. Respect in a marriage means you make someone feel like they are someone to you and indispensable.
If every time you are out somewhere you know that it doesn’t matter
if you are around because they no longer see you. They moved on to
bigger and better, then that is nothing but disrespectful, not to
mention hurtful.
#12 They never take your side. Respecting someone
means standing behind them simply because you know they are a good
person, and, if they say something, you trust they are right.
Sure, there are going to be times when they aren’t, but being
respectful means you stand behind them. And, even if you whisper in
their ear to take a second look, you hold them up and are on their side.
#13 They make sure they are fed, clothed, and taken care of first.
Showing respect is like having a guest, you make sure they are taken
care of first. That goes for you both, not just one-sided.
#14 Their social media is full of inappropriate contacts and conversations.
Right out there for the world to see. If your mate inappropriately
texts, tweets, Snapchats, or does one of the other million stupid things
behind your back, or worse yet, in your face, with people of the
opposite sex, that is disrespectful, period.
#15 They openly watch porn whether you are around or not.
Seriously? We know that all guys do it, but have enough respect to hide
the evidence or save it for when you are alone and without us, or watch
with us…
#16 They talk about how hot other people are in your presence.
Supermodel, celebrity, or the person next door, makes no difference.
Your spouse should be the only one in your eye, at least on paper and as
far as they know. Don’t lie, just hush. We all know we aren’t a perfect
10, but when you respect someone, you let them have the illusion.
#17 They cut down your style, your outfit, or anything about your appearance continually. That is just ugly and not helpful.
#18 If you struggle they couldn’t be bothered to help.
Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend and the person there for
you through good times and bad. If they aren’t ever there at all, it
disrespects and negates the commitment they made to you.
#19 They choose their friends and family over you every time.
When you respect your marriage and your spouse, they take the number
one position of your life. If your partner never takes your side that
says, “I don’t respect you.” It is one of the major signs of disrespect
in a marriage.
#20 They make it clear you are not a priority. When
you say I do it means “I do promise to honor and cherish you.”
Cherishing someone means telling them how much they mean to you.
#21 They don’t think they are lucky to have you. A
person who respects you knows they are lucky to have you in their lives.
If they treat you like they do you the favor, that isn’t respectful. It
is downright degrading and not anything that you should put up with!
#22 They aren’t polite to your friends or your family. Let’s
all be honest here, just because you marry someone and you marry their
family, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to love them.
But, you do have to show them kindness, acknowledgment, and be
respectful enough to treat them like they matter. If someone doesn’t
ever act like the people most important to you are important to them,
that is one of the clear signs of disrespect in marriage.
#23 If something is important to you, it is important to you only.
Marriage is a shared effort all the way around. If you are excited
about something, even if they aren’t, they should pretend they are.
#24 What is theirs is theirs, period. Marriage means
50/50. That means you share everything. You don’t think you have dibs
on anything. There might be something special that means something to
one of you or the other, but, in general, community property is
community.
#25 They can’t give you two seconds of their time because it is that important. Being respectful of someone means when they have something to say, they put time aside to show you, you mean something.
Even if it is totally stupid or infantile, you have to go with it
when you are married to show someone how much you respect them. If you
allow someone who is supposed to be your best friend, your support
system, and your partner in life, treat you with anything less than the
respect you deserve, then someday you will wake up, look around, and
feel bottomed out.
If you are respectful to your significant other and it isn’t
returned, it isn’t all right. Use these signs of disrespect in a
marriage to end the behavior.
