Dating after a divorce is hard on many men. The number of years you had been married to your ex and the reason why you two decided to split up forever will always, consciously or subconsciously, affect the way you date. So here are the five most tips for dating after divorce.
1. Don’t jump into the dating pool immediately
You need to make sure that you’re over your ex before you start dating other women. Men love to show a tough exterior and pretend that they are not affected by emotions, but the end of a marriage, however amicable, will leave some wounds that require time to heal. Give yourself a few months to process the divorce. This leads to the next point.
2. Do take up a new hobby or sport
When you do start dating after your divorce, it should not take over your entire life. Love is just one part of your life so learn to balance it along with your career, your friends and some me-time. This me-time can be you learning a new sport or honing your skills in one that you already play. If sports is not your thing you can learn a new language or take up a class that will help you advance your career. If you have children, especially teenagers, spend more time getting to know them better. You could coach your little tyke’s softball team or help your teen with their school work.
3. Don’t compare your dates with your ex-wife
This goes for both positive and negative comparisons. If your ex was the one who had cheated on you, don’t assume that the next woman in your life will do the same. If you were the one at fault, don’t put your ex on a pedestal that the next woman in your life can’t possibly match up to. And it goes without saying that you shouldn’t be talking about your ex with your dates.
4. Do talk to a counselor
This is especially important if you didn’t undergo individual counselling during your divorce or felt that those sessions didn’t help you. There are bound to be many confusing feeling and you need to sort them out before you can move on. As a part of this counseling process, you could even talk with a dating coach. Many men are reluctant about getting help, but this is one of the best ways to start and continue your healing process.
5. Don’t rush into anything
Seriously, don’t. Impulsive decisions are something you need to stay away from. This applies to both the new women in your life and any big purchase decisions. Don’t sleep with women indiscriminately but also don’t get married to the first woman you start dating and assume you’ve fallen in love with. And please don’t rush out to buy the sports car of your dreams, at least not just right now. You don’t want to be riddled with debt in addition to a broken heart.