This is obviously a very personal journey, however after talking to many couples I do hear a common theme. There are several things that couples share, including myself, in knowing when someone is a good life partner for you.
The flow of the relationship is gentle. It’s like sitting in a rocking chair that is easy and flowing. The feeling is complete and total contentment. I never had this feeling before I met Jeff. At moments we look at each other and we just feel bliss. We can be in a car going somewhere or just sitting together at home. It’s a peaceful knowing quiet experience.
I want all of you who are struggling in a relationship or seeking a relationship to imagine this feeling. As you imagine it, the feeling will come and then action is more consciously and easily taken in that direction. There are many of you that have written to me with stories of being deeply wounded by a partner. I completely understand the impact of betrayal and pain, however, I am here to tell you that if you desire you can move through all of that into something that is right for you.
If you look back on your past relationships, there were probably signs or red flags that you did not want to pay attention to that were telling you to get out of the situation. Hindsight is 20/20. Learn from these oversights and do not beat yourself up or become soured by your past. Learn and grow. I think that is what this human being experience is all about. What can you learn from this experience? Unfortunately, some of our lessons are often unpleasant, but this is what spiritual warriors are made of, tenacity and resiliency.
As you begin dating and putting yourself out there, start to pay attention to the feeling that you get with each person you date. Are you comfortable with them? Are you anxious? Do you feel uneasy about something? Pay attention to your feelings and what your body is telling you. There is a certain ease that comes when someone is a good fit for you. It’s not a struggle, as previously stated, it is gentle. The spark will be there, but it may not be the wild fireworks that Hollywood portrays.
I have an Aunt and Uncle who met when they were 17 years old. They have been married for 53 years and are still crazy about each other. There is no one else that they would rather spend time with than each other. It is a joy to watch them. Although my aunt is much more boisterous than my uncle, they have a gentle flow and ease in their relationship. They are one of the lucky ones who found their soul life partner early in their lives. My aunt describes her relationship much in the same way that I do with Jeff. My sister, who just recently married for the second time, describes her marriage in the same way as well. It is obvious when watching my sister and her husband that they experience this same ease and flow.
Of course there are many other elements involved in this process, and this is just one step in getting closer to someone who is a fit for you.
Who in your life has this kind of relationship? Is there a couple in your life that you can use as a mentor? This will help you as you begin to look for a life partner. Take parts of each relationship around you and see what would work for you and what you would like to have in your relationship that you are creating. This is what I did. I looked around in my life and took bits and pieces or even whole parts of couples I knew and quietly used them as mentors for the kind of relationship I desired to bring into my life.