Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Find Your Dating Ally

two women girls drink coffee tea hot - Find Your Dating Ally

I have been writing articles on Breaking the Dysfunctional Dating Cycle and Finding Love for quite some time now.  I love this topic as I really understand that dating struggle. 
If you are embarking on finding your life partner then having someone in your life, a trusted friend during this process would be helpful.  I found that having someone to bounce ideas off of was extremely important to maintain objectivity.  When I would go on dates and meet someone new, I would share the experience with my friend and what the person was like.  She knew how to listen and was close enough to me to know my “red flags”.  When she would hear me say something like “he ordered four drinks during dinner” her radar would go up and she would speak up.
I sought out a friend who would be this objective person for me.  At this time, I did not trust my own instincts with dating and men.  It was something I had to learn.  Having a good intuition and common sense about men did not come easily for me.  I needed to learn how to be discerning and understand very acutely what my “red flags” were.  Using my left brain to make these kinds of decisions was not anything I had done before and as my friend shared more of what she noticed in the men I was choosing, the clearer it became for me.

Having a trusted, non-judgmental ally during this process is such a great way to help you notice your own patterns.  My friend, Victoria, was also looking to find someone special in her life and doing this together was not only tremendously helpful but also fun. We were having conversations that were different from before.  We were not dissecting our dates every move or judging them or worrying if they were going to call or not going to call, but we were helping each other to look objectively at the kind of man we were attracted to and if that would be healthy for us.
As always, I am going to clarify that no matter what your sexual orientation is, having a friend to bounce ideas off of when looking to find a life partner is helpful.   As your friend shares more about what they see you being drawn to, you will become more acutely aware of your own patterns.  Be curious when you go on dates, be the observer, ask questions about the other person and then begin making conscious clear choices about whether this is someone you would like to see again.
Find someone in your life that is on a similar path of looking for a life partner.  Team up with them, get to know each others “red flags”, what qualities in a partner definitely do not work for you. It is so much easier when you have a trusted relationship to process with and to help you be honest with yourself.  It is too easy for us to pull the wool over our own eyes and rationalize going after the same kind of partner over and over again…that same partner that does not get us what we want.
Create this relationship with a friend this week and become one another’s dating guru.

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