First off, let me tell you that once asleep, nothing can wake me.
I’ve slept through mild earthquakes, people leaning against my door bell and pounding on my door for an hour, and being smothered in blankets and pillows in the height of summer after the fan and air conditioner have been turned off. I will go so far as to tell you that there have been times when, having crashed at a friend’s place, I’ve slept through the water overflowing from the overhead kitchen tank, falling to the ground with a great noise, and flooding the hall where I was asleep on a mattress on the floor, yet not until the water had penetrated every fiber of the stuffing did I wake, dreaming beatifically of sunbathing in a deliciously cold swimming pool.
So, now that you know a little about me, it might be easier for you to believe that none of the following techniques made it to the list without being tried and tested and having stood the test of time. If you have trouble waking up each morning, or if you can’t wake up to complete a last-minute task, the answers are all here.
It’s the nicest and one of the surest ways to wake yourself up. You might sleep through the repetitive sound of am alarm clock or the bars of a cell phone ring tone, but you won’t sleep through the sound of the radio playing or MTv belting out the latest pop tune. a television in your room is the best way, because every set comes with a built-in alarm clock that you simply need to locate among the controls. There are also radio alarms that will wake you to tunes from your favourite station.
Advantage: You wake with a smile, instead of jumping up from bed or feeling around desperately for the snooze button.
2. Make it a routine
If you have as much of a problem actually getting out of bed as I do, this one might help. Set the alarm for the absolutely latest time, when you have to get up and don’t have time to hit ‘snooze’. Then as soon as you hear the alarm, get out of bed and switch on your laptop, or dive in for a bath. Anything will work, as long as you do it consistently, for a week, after which I promise it becomes a habit that you won’t have to think about.
Advantage: I suppose there must have been a time when brushing one’s teeth in the morning was a chore, but now it’s the first thing we do when we wake up. Once something is a routine, you won’t have to debate with yourself about whether to do it or not, and trust me, this works for getting out of bed too.
3. Get someone to kiss you awake
This is the nicest way to wake up, and you will probably have a fabulous day too. The only problem is having that person around on days when you want to wake up early. The kisser must be gentle and patiently kiss you awake. No pressure, please, and easy as chocolate. The kisser must also be firm, lest you tumble him or her back into bed for a roll in the hay…
Advantage: This one is pure magical sweetness, and the recipe for an unbelievably fulfilling day.
4. Get someone to cook something with a strong smell you can’t stand, or can’t resist
Ghee works for me, and jackfruit. It gets into my dreams, and I wake kicking and screaming and willing to do anything to make the smell stop. And the smell of Goan sausages cooking can bring me back from the dead.
Advantage: A delicious breakfast if it’s something you can’t resist. Fewer calories consumed if you had to skip breakfast just to escape the smell.
For those who read this article in the hope of waking up a sound sleeper like me, don’t switch the fan off or wet our faces, it only makes us grumpy and vengeful. Don’t shake us awake, and don’t stick something into our ears hoping that will awake us. We sleep-lovers reserve a special place in our hearts for this great pass-time. You have to ease us awake, or we feel pulled out of a loved one’s embrace. Whoever said that dogs were a man’s best friend obviously didn’t enjoy very good sleep.
"Writers have a responsibility to read widely in the literature of the language in which they choose to write. It is an old observation that the best writers sometimes disregard the rules of rhetoric. When they do so, however, the reader will usually find in the sentence some compensating merit, attained at the cost of the violation." --Maeve Maddox