WOW! Who would’ve thought it, all men don’t hold oral sex in the highest regard or need penetration three times a day.
For some reason my girlfriends, coworkers, and people I meet at the nail salon, use me as a sounding board to vent their relationship issues and frustrations with members of the opposite sex. While I am no Dr. Phil or relationship expert, I always listen with an open heart and mind, providing my opinion and outlook on the situation with an unbiased understanding. However, after a two-hour long conversation with one of my girlfriends discussing why the guy she met on the Plenty of Fish dating website didn’t call her back after their last date (and first date), I conjured up the idea to actually perform research and dig into the minds of men to find out what they really want.
I always believed that men were from Mars and women were from Venus, or however the title of that popular book goes. I felt that we were completely different creatures wired totally differently, and because of this there was no point in one attempting to completely understand the other because it was virtually impossible. However, the fact of the matter is that men are quite simple beings that know exactly what they want.
In selecting subjects for my research, I reached out to men who are in committed monogamous relationships, or are open to or looking for one. I felt that since most of the women in my life are seeking a life partner, it was best to provide insight from men who share that sentiment. I selected the responses from a 26 yr old engaged Accountant, 36 yr old married IT Professional, and 28 yr old single TV/Film Producer because not only were they entertaining, they represent three men at different relationship phases in life who provide very distinct outlooks on the “ideal” partner. You may be surprised at who says what!
Guy #1:
Age: 26
Occupation: Accountant
Relationship Status: Engaged
How Long Was Your Most Recent Relationship, And If You Are Currently In A Committed Relationship How Long Have You Been With Your Mate?
2 ½ yrs
What Was The Reason Your Last Relationship Ended?
Argument led to break-up, was never too serious in the first place.
What Is The First Thing You Notice About A Woman?
Face and Ass
What Physical Trait Do You Find The Most Appealing?
Ass
What Things/Actions Impress You Most?
Confidence, sex appeal, figure, intelligence
What Things/Actions Turn You Off The Most?
Neediness, lack of sexiness, stupidity, too many sexual partners, talking too much, not acting lady-like
How Important Is Sex In Your Relationship And How Many Times Per Week Is It Necessary?
Very important!!!! At least once a day unless the woman is on her period.
How Important Is Oral Sex? Does Your Partner Have To Perform Oral Sex On You?
Very Important!!!! And yes she must perform oral sex on me.
Do You Date Outside Of You Race? If Yes, Would You Marry Outside Of Your Race?
Yes, but I would not marry outside of my race.
Would You Marry Someone Or Engage In A Committed Relationship With Someone You Had Sex With On The First Night/Date?
Never!!!!
In Your Opinion What Age Is The Ideal Age To Get Married?
Mid twenties to mid thirties
Who Is Your Ideal Partner?
My ideal partner is someone who is beautiful inside and out. Someone who is a good person and has strong values and beliefs. Someone who knows who to please a man and keep a man happy. One who is not clingy and needy and jealous. The woman has to have a nice body with curves and a beautiful face. I want a woman who can be sexy while maintaining class and elegance. The woman must be goal oriented and have a good education and respectable employment. Less than 10 past sexual partners but the less the better. A woman who is not loose and will not have sex too soon. The woman must have a strong sexual appetite. The woman must be confident in her relationship and be able to trust her man. The woman has to know how to allow a man to be a man and not try to change the man. She must be comfortable with her man hanging out with friends and not make her man choose between his family/friends and her. A woman who will challenge me mentally with wit and a little sass. Someone who will not let me walk all over them and is not gullable. She can never be flirtatious with another person. The ideal woman will be smart and sophisticated but still have street smarts and a ghetto/hood side to them.
Guy #2:
Age: 36
Occupation: IT Professional
Relationship Status: Married
How Long Was Your Most Recent Relationship, And If You Are Currently In A
Committed Relationship How Long Have You Been With Your Mate?
9 years
What Was The Reason Your Last Relationship Ended?
Bad timing
What Is The First Thing You Notice About A Woman?
Smile then body
What Physical Trait Do You Find The Most Appealing?
Not one particular thing for me. If she has something outstanding it could be the thing that attracts me to her. For instance she might have “a ass that can swallow up a g-string and up top – two bee stings” (ha) and that‛s cool w/me or vice versa. Or she could be petite and have a great sense of style or be really smart. Just something has to stand out.
What Things/Actions Impress You Most?
Loyalty, subtlety, confidence, style and smarts (not in that order)
What Things/Actions Turn You Off The Most?
Sneakiness, insecurity, attention-seeking
How Important Is Sex In Your Relationship, And How Many Times Per Week Is It
Necessary?
It‛s important but at this point not 3-times a day important. It‛s necessary a couple of times a week but being married w/kids and a career some weeks it can be hard to make time. So with that being said I guess it‛s not as high on the list as it used to be.
How Important Is Oral Sex? Does Your Partner Have To Perform Oral Sex On
You?
If it‛s good and sloppy, I want it a lot, if not – that‛s ok.
Do You Date Outside Of You Race? If Yes, Would You Marry Outside Of Your
Race?
I‛ve ‘dated‛ other races. Probably wouldn‛t marry anyone of another race just because it might mess w/my kid‛s heads.
Would You Marry Someone Or Engage In A Committed Relationship With
Someone You Had Sex With On The First Night/Date?
It probably depends on the circumstances. If she was wasted and I just met her at a party or something, No. But if I met her and we just clicked like that and that ended up happening, why should I hold it against her. Those waiting games are stupid anyway.
In Your Opinion What Age Is The Ideal Age To Get Married?
I know I just said waiting games are stupid, but I‛m gonna contradict myself here and say 30. I know that a woman is ready long before then, but for a guy 30 is the point where he should have his money together, have some independence and have some experience with women under his belt. I think marriages fail when people don‛t know themselves well enough before they go through with it. If you are a dude that’s been living with Mom or been broke then u get married and get a career and start getting money, how are you gonna act when women start looking and acting differently towards you than they may have before? Plus if you have someone and you and her are sure you‛re meant to be together, what difference will it make if the preacher pronounces you man and wife or just dedicate yourself to that person until the time is right?
Who Is Your Ideal Partner?
My ideal partner is the lady that Amy Winehouse is singing about in her song Some Unholy War. Somebody that would be down for me right or wrong through thick and thin, but would not be a pushover. She would also be smart (book and street), beautiful, confident, a FREAK, well-spoken, stylish, but not materialistic, can hook a steak up, and wears glasses.
Guy #3:
Age: 27
Occupation: TV/Film Producer
Relationship Status: Single
How Long Was Your Most Recent Relationship, And If You Are Currently In A Committed Relationship How Long Have You Been With Your Mate?
1 ½ years
What Was The Reason Your Last Relationship Ended?
Weren’t really meant to be together long-term. We loved each other but really just had different views on relationships. It was great while we were in it but there was no future.
What Is The First Thing You Notice About A Woman?
Well, upon first meeting, the first things I’ll notice is her face and her waist.
What Physical Trait Do You Find The Most Appealing?
Feet (definite foot fetish)
What Things/Actions Impress You Most?
Loyalty, trustworthy, ambition/drive, a nurturing side, educated, “let’s the man be the man”
What Things/Actions Turn You Off The Most?
The complete opposite of the above!
How Important Is Sex In Your Relationship And How Many Times Per Week Is It Necessary?
VERY (depends on the relationship though. Ideally is daily or ever other day. However, if we have a greater connection that extends beyond the physical and are deeply in love, I can find fulfillment and satisfaction in other areas so it’s not needed as much. It really depends.)
How Important Is Oral Sex? Does Your Partner Have To Perform Oral Sex On You?
Not that important. I’ll take intercourse any day over oral sex and most of the chicks I’ve dated in the past “didn’t really care to do it,” however, it’s gotta be done every once in a while.
Do You Date Outside Of You Race? If Yes, Would You Marry Outside Of Your Race?
“Date”? I’ve had sex outside my race but have never dated outside my race. I would though. Not sure I would marry though outside but then again, it all depends on who I meet. I’m not turning any chick away because she’s not black, but I just meet more black chicks than any other race.
Would You Marry Someone Or Engage In A Committed Relationship With Someone You Had Sex With On The First Night/Date?
Yes
In Your Opinion What Age Is The Ideal Age To Get Married?
mid-to-late 20s
Who Is You Ideal Partner?
Tough question, but I refer back to what things/actions impress me most: Loyalty, trustworthy, ambition/drive, a nurturing side, educated, “let’s the man be the man”. My ideal partner has to be a Christian. Above all, she has to support me in all that I do. I may not be exactly where I want to be in my life right now, but I do have a plan, and am working toward that. She has to be willing to grow with me.
WOW! Who would’ve thought it, all men don’t hold oral sex in the highest regard or need penetration three times a day. The stereotypes that all men prefer a certain body-tape, race, eye-color, etc aren’t accurate either. My research basically indicates that while different men have different taste and preferences generally, they all prefer a partner who has a backbone and sense of security.
Men like a bit of a challenge whether it be mental or physical because it keeps them on their toes. Education and intelligence were also common themes, so lose the damsel in distress act. It’s so 1992. However, when flexing your independent woman attitude be careful not to emasculate your partner because even though it’s 2011, men still want to feel as though they “run the show”. Ultimately they need affirmation. And SEX, some more frequently than others.
One thing I’ve learned over the years is that men very rarely change, while women are constantly changing, so ladies it’s best to find a partner who is pretty much already what you want upon meeting him, and be sure to be your AUTHENTIC self. Men are normally upfront about what they want, and from what I’ve been told they almost always know their intentions during or after the initial date. If you’re looking for marriage, I wouldn’t suggest falling hard for a guy who doesn’t want exclusivity with you. Why do women create this fantasy of what we want our relationships to be and then think that we can insert our partner or the person we’re dating into the scenario?
I’m not sure if my findings or this article explains why the “perfect on paper” guy from Plenty of Fish never reached out my hopeless romantic girlfriend again, but my hope is that it provides insight. Maybe it was the fact that they had sex after dinner that night, or maybe she just wasn’t what he wanted ultimately, plain and simple.
