Ask your partner how they would feel about seeing other people. If they say, “Absolutely not!” then maybe you are overreacting. But if they say, “Is that what you want?” in a surprised, unafraid manner, then you have something to worry about.
Is your boyfriend telling you he loves being with you, but then doesn’t want to book a weekend away together? Does your girlfriend call you every day, but then talk about the future in a vague way that never seems to include you? If you’re experiencing mixed signals, it’s usually a sign that something is wrong. Face up to the uncomfortable feeling and trust your instincts. True love comes easily – if you’re working hard at convincing your lover that you should be together, drop the act and move on.
The Safety Zone
People don’t like to be lonely. It’s human nature to want to be close to another human being, whether we think they are “the one” or not. But this presents a tricky situation. If you’re with someone because you don’t want to be alone, rather than because they are the most exciting person you’ve ever met, then you’ve already doomed the relationship. How many people have tried to convince themselves of the strength of a relationship based on the fact that the union “looks good on paper.” You both love cycling, you have compatible jobs, your families like each other – it’s all perfect! But somehow he seems to be keeping an “out” for himself. He pulls away when discussions about marriage arise, then gets affectionate again when it comes to a fun night out and some great sex. He’s sending mixed signals because he doesn’t want to leave the safety zone.
But believe me, the safety zone is anything but safe. It’s a treacherous place where feelings get hurt and people are confused. And as the person wondering what the mixed signals mean, it’s absolute torture. He’s stayed at your house three nights in row, but is already starting to pull away from weekend plans in favor of hanging out with single friends. She says she wants to be exclusive, but she never introduces you as her boyfriend. And when you bring this up, she laughs it off as if it’s not important. It’s time to face facts that this relationship has reached its apex.
Like Vs. Love
People who hang out in the safety zone often mistake like for love. I had a friend who stayed with a guy she ‘liked’ for two years because, as she kept saying, she couldn’t “do any better.” I ask you, is this a reason to stay with someone? Is this fair to the person who’s being ‘settled’ for? Of course once her boyfriend caught on that she was just using him for someone to be with on Saturday night, he left her. No one wants to be a consolation prize! You must evaluate your relationship with truthful eyes if you feel that you are being ‘settled’ for, and the first place to start is by examining these mysterious mixed signals. The cold hard fact is that mixed signals usually mean no.
Options Breed Confidence
If you feel that your relationship is going nowhere because you’re receiving mixed signals, use a little litmus test. Ask your partner how they would feel about seeing other people. If they say, “Absolutely not!” then maybe you are overreacting. But if they say, “Is that what you want?” in a surprised, unafraid manner, then you have something to worry about. If you feel out the situation and decide to see other people, let this decision free you! Your love life is now full of potential and you can gain confidence keeping your options open until the next special person comes along. When you find true love, there won’t be any concern or mystery over whether this person wants to be with you or not. You have this to look forward to.
