Understandably, men fear women who treat them like children. It’s demoralizing and unnerving, and also happens to be a very difficult dynamic to change.
Like my previous article, Why Men Fear Sex Toys, I’ve once again pulled back the curtain to reveal the inner-workings of the fear-fraught male psyche, to help give women a better understanding of who they’re up against. Here are the top 5 fears that men struggle with when meeting new women:
Sure, this one is obvious. Men, just like women, fear rejection. It’s terrible to be hit with a dose of “No thanks, I’m looking for someone more handsome / rich / smart,” (insert personal insecurity here.) Although what men do, I think better than you ladies, is find solace in playing the numbers. See, men favor pragmatism and persistence over panic and petulance. For instance, if a man approaches you at a club and you decide he's too boyish for your tastes (he's rockin’ a sweater vest instead of black leather) and therefore you spurn his advances, he will, of course, feel rejected - but only for a few moments. Shortly after you reject him, he’ll do a gut check, take a shot of Crown Royal, and head back out onto the dance floor until he finds some chick who thinks his "cute" instead of "Doogie Howser-ish.” I think you ladies should learn from this "if at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again" approach. Don’t take rejection personally, and keep trying until you meet someone you connect with.
I know what you’re thinking: How could this huge cliché make number two on the list? But I’m here to tell you that dreaded comparison is on the mind of every guy when he is actively seeking a new mate. "How do I size up?" Like the fear of rejection, I think this is a unisex fear; as women, I'm sure, ask themselves the same question. Though, for women it's more of figurative question than a literal one. For men it's definitely both. Yes, we worry about our appearance and personality, but we also know that size matters (despite what you say), and those men who are average or below average (poor saps) always sweat this issue: "What if the last guy she was with had a radiator hose, how will my copper piping compare?" Now, I know this shouldn't be rifling through a dude’s head the moment he first meets you, but it is. And there's nothing we can do to help that. It's just our vanity.
Everyone has baggage. Yet, not everyone's bags are the same bulk and weight. And you ladies, for one reason or another, do a fabulous job concealing yours. Perhaps we men ask you the wrong questions when we first start mingling, but a large part of me believes that there is some prevarication on your part. I can't tell you how many times I've had an engaging and lengthy conversation with a promising dame and toward the end of the conversation, just when I'm about to ask her for her number, she says "Oh, my boyfriend and I... yada, yada, yada." Why do you do this? Why do you conceal your baggage? And this is a relatively mild example. There are many unspoken horrors – like the "ex"-boyfriend who was recently released from prison, the anti-psychotic drugs she’s on that you don’t find out about for several weeks, or her inexplicable need to talk to her mother twice a day. Whatever the flavor of the unknown poison, we’re scared of it.
Clingers are a dangerous breed. I don’t know the science behind their obsessive personalities - maybe they didn’t get enough attention as children or maybe they spent time in middle-earth hunting down a mystical ring - but whatever the reason, men are afraid of clingers. The last thing we want is a besotted fanatic digging through our trash at 3:00 am or leaving us eerie Facebook messages "I want to touch your demons." The biggest worry with clingers is that the clinger mentality is latent; it doesn’t fully manifest itself until 3-4 weeks into a relationship. And by that time she’s already got her hands on all the vital information she needs to make a man’s life miserable: Social Security number, work phone number, email usernames and passwords, names of former girlfriends, the whereabouts of your dog, etc. Then the length of time it takes to sever the tie of a relationship like this just adds to the initial terror.
Mother May I?
All men have one mother. They don’t need two. Yet many women will assume this role in a relationship, and it’s terrifying. Understandably, men fear women who treat them like children. It’s demoralizing and unnerving, and also happens to be a very difficult dynamic to change. Once the coddling and bossiness have taken over, (“Let me do that for you” “Are you wearing that shirt?”) it’s almost impossible to undo. Confusion sets in as the man tries to figure out why he’s willingly dating a woman who acts like his mom. And the final fear factor here: How do you break up with your mother?
So there you have it ladies, the top five fears men have when meeting women. In closing, I’d like to conclude today’s lesson with something Gary Busey once said, fear is: False Evidence Appearing Real. In other words, it’s all just in our heads.