Ultimately, “The Game” is about options. It’s about discovering what you can and can’t have and how to get it more often than not.
Have you heard of “the game”? I’m not talking about the movie starring Michael Douglas (but it was certainly a great movie!) I’m talking about an organized, underground, little-known pick-up-artist community made up of hundreds of thousands of men all over the world.
Shocked? Don’t be. The game is a response to changes that have happened in the world of dating, sex and relationships over the last 40 years or so.
What is the game? Where did it come from and who are the players? In this article I’ll give you a small idea of what it is (and what it is not) and more important why it even exists.
For hundreds of years, dating and courtship have been pretty stable in Western culture. Our grandparents and parents had very clearly-defined roles and worked to their strengths in traditional gender stereotypes. Both men and women had solid role models to draw from. Movies, books, theater and TV of the time were based on these more traditional roles. In short, both men and women knew where they fit and what was expected of them within our societies.
But, all that started to change in the 60’s with the advent of feminism and the birth control pill.
For the first time in history, women had more power and control over their own reproduction and were able to make new choices about their sex and relationship partners. They were able to hold off pregnancy and enter the workplace – making a very large number of changes to it in the process. Out of that newly-found freedom, changes in confidence and even questions about the traditional roles continued to define our culture right up to today.
Many things have changed since then, but not the interest that most people have in meeting others of the opposite sex. The problem however is that the rules have changed dramatically.
Add to that the growth of the Internet as a way to meet new people, the shift in gender-focus (from masculine to feminine) and the truth is, today, we’re seeing the greatest dissatisfaction with relationships, marriages and dating in general than we’ve ever seen any other time in history.
Enter, “The Game”
The game is a loosely-organized sub-culture built around teaching guys how to be successful with women, particularly in bars and clubs, but elsewhere as well. It’s interesting that this organization has grown so large, world-wide that there are actually conventions that happen every year all over the globe! These conventions don’t simply attract 20-30 computer programmers. In fact, they often see thousands of men from all walks of life with hundreds of speakers, classes, banquets, shows and even awards!
I know, because; as one of the “teachers” in this industry, I’ve lectured at quite a few of them. It’s truly an amazing experience to witness first-hand.
If you start looking online, you’ll find literally thousands of website, books, videos, audio programs, seminars, articles and much, much more all dedicated to helping men understand the ins and outs (pun intended!) with women.
And, why not? Women have actually been doing this for years. If you open any woman’s magazine or watch a chick-flick, read a romance novel, etc., you’re going to see tons of relationship “advice” given to women by other women. This help is designed to teach women how to get what they want in their relationship lives. Why shouldn’t men have the same advantage?
What The Game Is Not
There’s a general misbelief that learning to pick-up women is all about taking advantage of someone weaker, vulnerable or less able to handle themselves. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Although many men actually do very well in learning these skills, it’s the rare individual that seeks ways to take advantage of anyone. In fact, most are tired of being taken advantage of themselves!
The game is also not about the conquest of as many women as possible. With that said, some men learn how to meet women and use those skills to expand their “sphere of influence” with many, many women. Others just want to meet the next person they’re going to date.
This also isn’t about mind control, trickery, lying, misdirection or any of about a hundred other misunderstandings many people have about the game.
What The Game Is
A vast majority of the pick-up subculture is about teaching men those lost skills of conversation, seduction, attraction, dress, style and much more. It’s also about helping men avoid very common mistakes that so many make.
There certainly are rights and wrongs when it comes to dating and that starts with meeting the right people. I start my clients off on the right foot by first creating real goals. Without having a roadmap of where to start, you’re going to get lost.
After this roadmap is defined, the next step is to get the vehicle that will take you there. That usually means learning new skills. Whether I’m working with a man or a woman, the process is generally the same. Both genders need to have basic skills. You’d be surprised (or, maybe you wouldn’t!) how many women have been sold on techniques their mothers and grandmothers used to use as though they would work today. (They won’t, by the way!)
The game is also about both giving and getting the best in your interactions with others.
Today, far too few people have any idea what they really have to offer. Unfortunately, more women than men come to dating and relationships with an entitlement mentality. For some, this is caused by their experiences with Internet dating. The reality is that most women get between 200-2000 responses PER MONTH to an ad on a dating website! Further, the vast majority of these responses are of the “Ohh baby...you’re so hot” variety – from guys just trolling to see who might take the bait and wind up in their beds that night.
Anyone who hears that 20-30 times a day is eventually going to start believing it. The problem however is that this begins to distort the person’s perception of their real “street value”. In other words, many women today believe they are due far more in the dating/relationship lottery than they really are. Thus, they will ‘throw away’ otherwise perfect guys for them, in favor of continuing with ‘the game.’
Part of the game then is to learn to counter this mistaken belief many women have. One of the things I teach my students is to answer this question: “What do you bring to the table?” Think about that for a moment. What DO you bring to the table?
Too many people get stuck in the belief system that they want a guy (or gal) that gives them “unconditional love”. I’m sorry. That’s simply not something here in the real world. What it really means is someone that doesn’t want to have to grow or change or learn any basic skills in order to have everything and anything they want! These same people use phrases like, “I just want someone that will love me for me!”
The reality with dating is the same as it is for any other part of your life: you get what you put in.
Schools Of Thought
There are many different avenues to take in learning about this world. Many enter via the “Seduction Community”. This community is made up of some very colorful people that often go not by their real names, but monikers. This is a habit held over from a time when being clandestine about the group’s actions was expected, and part of the system being taught.
Many others enter through books, articles, interviews and shows like mine. Still others are referred to a site or course by another individual.
While the Seduction Community deals almost exclusively with the approach and pick-up (to get phone numbers, impromptu dates, sex, etc.) my students are usually looking for more. Many want just to learn how to talk to women or how to manage many different complicated aspects of their relationships.
For this reason, I’ve answered over 34,000 individual questions since I began to teach – and continue to answer hundreds more every week. My practice deals with both men and women wanting better relationships and greater choices.
There are many different schools of thought on these topics, but they generally fall into just a few categories with others learning one, two or a few of them and making some adjustments to present the ideas as their own. This can make for some very confusing misinformation!
Someone may discover a technique for instance, but not know the philosophy behind it. Thus, when they present it and people start trying to use it without knowing why, they often run into problems.
Worse, it’s very difficult to glean an original source from one that has been usurped.
What It All Means
Ultimately, “The Game” is about options. It’s about discovering what you can and can’t have and how to get it more often than not.
The game exists today mostly because there are no other reasonable options. Men and women have evolved a very large number of dating/sex/relationship tools that; while not very practical, are still being used today. Everyone is looking for ways to deal with and counter these archaic systems – all in an attempt to give each other what we really want.
If you are a female game-player (and if you just react and claim you aren’t, you probably are!) understand that there are guys that will play games with you too. The problem however is that these guys are more interested in the games themselves than the girls! As soon as they get what they want, they’re off to find the next girl that will play with them.
On the other hand, learning good, solid relationship and dating skills benefits everyone.
Best regards...
