Monday, April 1, 2013

Don't Be Cue-Less !!!

Don't Be Cue-Less - people party - bar

We have to move, be in proximity. Be seen, be moving. Guys (according to their own articles) seem to be like the T-Rex’s in Jurassic Park. If you aren’t moving, they can’t see you.

Enough already. We know that men and women are different, speak a different language, have different verbal and physical language. But as we continue to differentiate ourselves from the woodland creatures, we’ve lost our interpretative touch.

Mercifully, what we DO have are online articles, often written by men, telling their brothers what to look for, which little clues we women send their way to say we want to get naked. It is worthwhile to do little reconnaissance to see which “cues” those lovable dorks (excuse me, “Savvy Players” as one article referred to their readership, begging my question that if you are a Savvy Player why are you reading that article?) are waiting for before they make their move.

It seems that the simple fact that we showed up (on time), and are listening to their dirge about why their sports team sucks, feigning interest in their new App which tells them which direction their car is parked vis-à-vis where you’re sitting, expressing delight in knowing that their new gadget slices, dices and changes the oil in their car isn’t enough.

Here it is ladies, cues for the cueless. Because we’re women and we talk about such things all the time we know a bit of this already, but spring has sprung so it bears repeating:

1.Stare Him Down
Kidding. Don’t stare him down. But you should make and maintain eye contact. Too much and he’ll likely wither or think you’re going to eat his head when you’re done. But he’s waiting for you to make some eye contact. Those looks. Those quick teasing glimpses. For bonus, catch him watching your face then flash a quick faux self-deprecating gosh are you looking at me? smile. Blush if you can. Hopefully he’ll know that you want to go bouncy bouncy.

2.Flap Your Arms
No. Not really. But draw his eye to you (and your body) with your hands. Think Vanna White. Think Tourette’s. Brush your hair from your face, twirl a curl or two. Touch your lips without looking weird about it (kinda like a gestural hmmmm).

3.Move In For The Kill
Approach the poor guy. We in North America have that little circle of private space around us. In Europe it’s actually smaller. Here it’s about 22 inches (women inches, not dubious man inches). We have to get a little closer to let the guy know we want some of his (possibly) good lovin’. Sitting comfortably in your 22 inches tells the guy to keep his distance. Unless he’s a creep he likely will respect this. Give him a break and move in a bit. Just a bit. Sitting on his lap is so second date.

4.Reach Out And Touch Someone
He’s a doofus. You have listened to him talk about March Madness, or the hockey playoffs. He doesn’t get that you couldn’t possibly care less. He probably thinks that if you’re interested in what he’s saying, he’s in line for the dreaded Friend Status. Touch his buff little arm. Pat his hand. Briefly touch his shoulder or go in for the kill and pick some fake lint from his shirt. Oooo baby. Then he’ll know. There there. Mama wants some of the good stuff.

This is my personal favorite. I read this on several he-dude-Player sites:

5.Shake Your Money Maker
Show him your stuff. Not in a Joe Cocker kind of way, although that has a charm to it. Move in an alluring way. I think crossing and uncrossing your legs is a goodie, just try not to appear incontinent. Draw some attention to your gams, your hair, arms, hip, calf, ear lobes. The usual. You might want to eat a bit first so you don’t burn out with all this movement. Sitting ram rod straight says DO NOT TOUCH.  Right up there with crossing your arms across your chest. Don’t do that, no matter how cold the room may be.

You’ll note that the guy is clearly set up to be Hunter here and even if your particular love/lust interest isn’t the Hunter type, well, his reconnaissance has told him he should be. We have to move, be in proximity. Be seen, be moving. Guys (according to their own articles) seem to be like the T-Rex’s in Jurassic Park. If you aren’t moving, they can’t see you.

It’s not enough to show up, talk, pay attention, reply as necessary, with enthusiasm no less. You have to be physical. We women, it seems, love to talk. I don’t know if that’s socialization, heterosexist, true, or just horse poop.  But as this article hinges on what their articles tell them, it’s as good as gold.

Yet is it too weird to suggest the following: just tell him point blank you’re interested? He will either shrivel at your honesty (then he’s not worth it), think you are desperate (you might be, but don’t let him know that), or he’ll take you up on your offer thinking you’re easy. Or here’s a thought: he might actually be interested and stick around a bit longer than 2005’s bolero craze. Remember those? No. Me neither.
He might still be a jerk, but wouldn’t it be fun if both sides just said what they mean, and mean what they say?  In the meantime, don’t be cueless.

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