.jpg "How To Deal With Weddings (When You're Single!) Part 2")
If you want to be married to your current partner and you aren’t sure where he or she stands, you need to talk about it. And don’t joke about it or drop hints. Talk about it.
In the first part of this two-part series, we talked about how to deal if you’ve suddenly found that Facebook feed looks like David’s Bridal vomited all over it. If it feels like everyone is getting engaged and married and you’re just kind of over it, here are some survival tips.
Learn More About Weddings And Marriage And Figure Out Why You Want To Get Married
Instead of reading wedding magazines and feeling sorry for yourself, read some books about weddings and marriage in the US. Here are some books that I highly recommend to anyone thinking about getting married.
Traditional Marriage Perverts the Tradition of Marriage (blog post)
Learning more didn’t make me not want to get married; I just took a more informed view on the topic — one that I couldn’t get watching “Say Yes to the Dress.”
One thing that really bothers me is when young women really want to get married, but don’t know why. Have you ever thought about why you want to get married? I mean, marriage means different things to different people. You need to be honest about your motivations.
Think About Why You’re Not Married
If you do a little soul-searching and realize you want to get married because you want your own $50,000 party, you can probably get through your friends’ weddings by reminding yourself to not be ridiculous. But if you have mature, adult reasons for getting married, then you can consider why marriage hasn’t happened yet, and think about what you want to do about that.
Whether you see it or not, marriage might not have happened because of something you’re doing or not doing. If you’re single, think about whether you’re dating the kind of people who really have marriage potential. If you’re dating the person you want to marry, ask yourself what you can do to feel ready, to show your significant other that you’re ready, and help him or her feel ready.
And before you get to the point of setting a timeline on your current relationship, you’re going to need to have a deep knowledge of yourself and what you want.
Don’t Joke About Weddings; Talk About Marriage!
If you want to be married to your current partner and you aren’t sure where he or she stands, you need to talk about it. And don’t joke about it or drop hints. Talk about it.
Joking about it: In the car on the way home after a wedding, you say, “Well, I caught the bouquet so I guess this means you have to propose now!” [Enjoy that awkward silence.]
Talking about it: In the car on the way home after a wedding, you say, “The bride’s father’s speech really made me think about love and relationships. Do you feel like he was right when he said ‘When you know, you know’?” [Enjoy that productive conversation!]
The more conversations you can have about real couples and marriage, the better. It will help you understand what to expect from marriage so you aren’t just making decisions blinded by all the engagement bling.
Just Be Patient
The fact is, you could be doing everything right, but it might just not be time yet. You’ll get there though. I always think that how I feel about marriage now is probably similar to how I felt about college when I was in high school. It seemed like the coolest thing, a club I wanted to be part of, and getting there would mean something really big. But…a high school student isn’t ready for college and you might not be ready for marriage, so remind yourself to be patient. The best you can do is enjoy where you are right now and get the most out of all the things that are currently happening to get down the aisle.
