Texting affords you time to conjure up what you want to say and word things carefully. It’s playful when done right and allows a woman or man to not feel trapped by your advances.
A year and a half back I was on a film set and there was a certain female producer that was starting to feel the wear and tear of life away from home. We’d been friendly on set and at dinner but one doesn’t normally push the envelope in a work environment, so I kept it professional. Every day the crew would get call times and sheets from her via text and email, and one day I knowingly shot her a response back to see if any type of fire could be lit by kicking her tires. We were friendly already, so why not see?
Did I light a fire or what?
How could something so simple and subtle like “Thanks, glad to be working with you….” turn into what I can only describe as three hours of pushing down hard on the collective sexual pedal. We sat on opposite sides of a large tour bus separated only by the director as we turned up the heat. A couple of jokes about work relaxed any misgivings (kinda like a few drinks would do) and so any such tensions normally felt at a bar, restaurant or party were gone. We were being playful and trying to one up each other. It took about an hour and a half to escalate because it started out harmless, playful and carefree. Neither of us felt like this was anything but natural. We were allowed sanctum behind our keyboards. What ensued was a competition to find out who was funnier, who was cleverer and who could push it just a little bit further. We arranged to meet upon our arrival in our destination city. No sooner had my bags been dropped in my suite then did my phone chime with, “So what’s up?”
Q&A at the bar we randomly chose (see, we didn’t even care or concern ourselves with the place because we just wanted to connect) couldn’t have been more relaxed. It was like we’d known each other well for months. No more walls and no more fears. We were free to be ourselves. All of this was accomplished while we were working on a travel day – try and get that kind of solid date going from your local Thursday night bar or club without being totally inebriated!
This was purely honest interaction in a new age of technology. We all know how people can hide behind their cell phones avoiding intercommunication unless it’s on their own terms, but the good news is that it works for you in this situation. Sexting is on your own terms, and it’s a great dating tool.
For the first time in my life, I wasn’t just texting to my buddies for an address or arrival time. I’d taken it up a notch by simply being playful and a bit aggressive while not really taking any risks. Sexting turned out to be marvelous and as I continue down this path I consistently get very positive results.
You see it’s not that I can’t communicate with women in person but rather, it’s easier to break the ice over texts. It allows me that air of pressureless flight where I can think about what I’m going to say before I say it, giving me that edge of confidence. Also, I’m given the opportunity to push the boundaries a bit more. If I’m interested then I’m going to let you know, but in a fashion more akin to the beating around of the bush. It’s the dance. She knows it and I know it.
It’s liberating to be able to speak your mind without the other person being in jeopardy of having to come up with a witty response instantaneously. Texting affords you time to conjure up what you want to say and word things carefully. It gives you the time to let things soak in. It’s playful when done right and allows a woman or man to not feel trapped by your advances.
Now, there is a right way to do it and a wrong way to do it. Your sext mate is like a fish – don’t yank too hard at first and don’t be cheesy!
I recommend starting off with an innocent and businesslike response. For example: You meet someone in a social or business setting a few times and you acquire their number usually under the pretense that it’s beneficial for both parties that you do so as in, “I can get you in that club or we will be in contact again regarding that proposal or yes we’ll talk in the future about that script etc.”
You are always thanking the other and appreciating their time. “Great meeting you today. God help us if this project doesn’t go through…haha!” Do that, and you have an in. You see, now he or she doesn’t feel like you are forcing them into anything and they too can respond confidently. No one is made to feel nervous with conversation and or whether or not they will accept that drink being offered. The body language, the right dress and the facades no longer apply.
Text to sext and break the ice in a calm manner at your own pace. Since you don’t have to posture and be concerned about a multitude of things (is my hair all right? Is he/she noticing my one spot of acne?) you can be yourself.
A relationship has already been established, so by the time you do meet privately in person, the question marks are gone. The game plan is set and everyone knows the rules and boundaries. And if said girl or guy didn’t find you to be terribly attractive to begin with, it may be your cleverness and their imagination that pushes you over the top.
If you get nothing back of value, it may be because they didn’t feel any sort of connection, but at least you didn’t get turned away at the door from that first awkward kiss.