If you can just walk right by your husband as you head out the door, something is wrong.
My sister is in a successful marriage and I often ask her what her secret is.
She always shrugs and says she doesn’t know, but when I go over to their house I notice certain things in action.
They cook together, for example, and they exhibit a basic kindness toward each other. A simple ‘thanks Sweetie’ when she passes the measuring cup will prompt a quick kiss – it’s these tiny shows of affection that cement their love. But some couples have a much harder time keeping up this level of attention.
After the honeymoon period is over, it’s so easy to let things slide with your lover, become less intimate and even start to ignore each other. This doesn’t mean you can’t get that loving feeling back, but it does mean you have to put a little effort in and take the time to diagnose the problem. Check out the six questions below and answer honestly. Sometimes just recognizing a specific problem can help to crystallize your concerns and give you some tools to start talking to your partner about reconnecting.
What Do You Take For Granted?
If you live together, what does your partner do around the house? Does he take out the trash? Does she do all the cooking? When is the last time you thanked your partner for what he does for you? If you don’t live together, do you stay at one of your places more often than the other? Have you become accustomed to him paying for everything even though you earn the same amount of money? Look over your daily lives to spot anything that could be causing resentments or friction that you could easily talk out instead.
What Do You Have In Common?
What do you do together as a couple? Cooking? Sports? Recreational shopping? Whatever it is, has that common ground dried up? If so, ask yourself why. Have you lost interest in being together or is just your schedules and circumstance keeping you from the closeness you used to have. As unromantic as it sounds, sometimes it’s necessary to get out your schedules and co-ordinate some time together to do things you both enjoy.
Do You Exhibit Your Affection For Each Other?
Like the example with my sister above, small shows of affection go a long way to keep a relationship healthy. I’ve heard from more than one relationship expert that you should always kiss hello, goodbye and goodnight, and that these three simple acts help more than you would think to bring out your awareness of each other. If you can just walk right by your husband as you head out the door, something is wrong. You’re not ‘seeing’ him anymore, and that’s dangerous.
Is your partner the first person you call when you find out big news, good or bad? When you get home, or get together, does he ask you about your day, the people at work or in your life? When people grow distant, they often leave out details about their lives, and it’s these details that can bring you together. Make sure you know what’s going on in your partner’s life and that he feels supported when he talks to you.
Sex Gone South?
Sexual intimacy is one of the most fun ways to communicate, but if you aren’t interested or you think she’s not interested, that is a huge red warning flag. But before you throw in the towel, do some research. There are many easy ways to get back to a place of romance with your partner and re-ignite that spark – you can start by checking out our articles here at Evolved World on massage, aphrodisiacs and sex tips.
Driven To Distraction?
Would you rather watch television than hang out with your partner? Do you run to your latest novel when he’s looking for a conversation? If you’re avoiding quality time, ask yourself why? Behaviors become automatic very quickly, and sometimes we need to jolt ourselves a little bit to notice the rut we’ve created. Put the book down and have a conversation.
Arguments And Criticism Abound?
Have you ever witnessed the painful display of a couple that bicker? She demeans him with criticism and he fights back by exaggerating his behavior to show that he ‘doesn’t care’. It’s all performed under the guise of ‘humor’ but as friends we are wincing on the inside. Think about this scenario in your own relationship. Do you criticize your partner out loud? Make potentially hurtful remarks and laugh them off as if you were just kidding? Sometimes it’s difficult to spot these unsavory moments when they’re happening to us, but it’s worth examining because the health of your relationship requires a certain amount of solidarity and kindness, and sometimes the best place to evaluate this is among close friends.
If these questions hit close to home, don’t panic – it’s a good thing! If you can diagnose the problems in your relationship, then you’re one step closer to a solution.