Yesterday someone asked me why I wrote my article from last week. To him, it didn’t seem as if there was anything groundbreaking or even “article-worthy” about it. This came as a surprise to me, since I thought that article was monumental in helping guys understand the TRUE emotional progression of meeting women.
Though, since I’m more concerned with helping YOU meet and attract the women you want rather than being seen as some “all-powerful guru,” I had to reevaluate that article. And, on second glance, he’s right: the message was clouded by my own subjectivism.
Moreover, since understanding the proper EMOTIONAL PROGRESSION of an interaction with a woman is CRUCIAL, I want to expand and clarify on last week’s article. I want to explain what most guys THINK is the proper emotional progress, explain why it’s wrong, and then explain how to do it right.
So, here is the revised emotional progression of an interaction:
1. Getting her to FOCUS on you
Traditionally, most men think the first phase of meeting a woman is striking up a conversation with her. Whenever I point out a woman to one of my students, and tell them to approach, their response is always, “But what do I say?”
And if you’ve ever stopped short of approaching an attractive woman because you “didn’t know what to say” (and don’t worry, we all have!), you’ve fallen victim to this intuitive fallacy. Almost all men believe an interaction with a woman begins with conversation—whether that conversation begins with a pickup line or an “opener.”
And that’s exactly why most men never learn how to approach women properly.
Fact is, if you are walking up to women trying to “start conversations,” then you’re walking up to women with a severe handicap. “Starting a conversation” may work if you’re looking for a new friend or you’re at a networking event, but if you’re approaching women for romance a “conversation” shouldn’t be your goal.
Instead, your ONLY aim should be to get her FOCUSED on you. To do that, all you need is her ATTENTION. You can get her attention by tapping her on her shoulder, stepping in front of her and saying, “EXCUSE ME,” gently grabbing her by the arm, making strong eye contact with her, or a million other ways men get women’s attention.
What’s important isn’t what you say, your body language, your vocal tonality, or anything else men worry about—all that matters is this: DID YOU GET HER FULL ATTENTION. Not only is that objective extremely simple, it also silences stupid excuses for not approaching women like, “I couldn’t think of anything to say.”
Now that you know the truth, the old “I couldn’t think of anything to say” excuse is turned on its head. If you DO think of something to say, you’re probably doing something wrong!
Aim for her attention, not a conversation.
2. Get her emotional
Once an interaction has begun, most guys think it’s time to “get her attracted.” While this makes sense intuitively, what most guys don’t realize is that intentionally getting someone attracted is IMPOSSIBLE. Attraction is a very subjective experience for each individual, so to think that you can “systematically” apply a set of behaviors to attract women is flat-out wrong.
If you’ve ever felt “try-hard” around a woman—which is when you feel you’re doing way too much and not getting much in return—you were probably trying to get her attracted. Having been a guy who did this for a long time, I know how unnatural it feels. We feel unnatural because we’re not acting in alignment with our own personalities. Instead, we’re trying to align our behavior with something out of our control (which is getting a woman attracted).
Rather than chase the illusory goal of attraction, your only concern should be EMOTIONAL COMMUNICATION. Communicating emotionally means you:
Speak in statements
- You don’t take the interaction too seriously
- You don’t feel the need to be “right” or make a point—you just enjoy the ebb and flow and the vibe
- You smile
- You have fun no matter what her response is to you
Those bullets are merely pointers—not rules or laws. And I only mention them so you have some concrete examples of what “emotional communication” means. When you communicate emotionally, you’re not communicating logically (which is another type of communication, as you’ll read in the next phase).
Emotional communication can be thought of as “flirting” or “teasing,” HOWEVER don’t let those labels cloud your ultimate objective, which is eliciting an emotional response. Unlike attraction—which is a very subjective experience for a woman—getting a woman emotional is much more broad and simple.
You may have no idea what gets a woman “attracted,” but you know exactly how to get her “emotional.” That’s because getting a person emotional is very simple: you just avoid getting logical. Whenever a woman brings up a logical topic, you smile and steer the conversation back to an emotional one.
While this isn’t a 100-percent foolproof system for getting every girl, you will have exponentially more success simply getting a woman emotional rather than trying to get her "attracted".