I’ve experienced it, and most guys I meet have also: being dumped by a great girl.
In fact, it was that experience that motivated me to figure out the whole man-woman-dating thing. I dated a girl for three years, was totally in love with her, and then made a few really bad mistakes. She dumped me just before my birthday, and I was crushed.
I was pretty depressed for about a year, and I still think about her, but the pain put a fire under my ass to figure this stuff out. I never wanted to experience that pain again. I’ve had a lot of clients who have told me, sometimes teary-eyed, similar stories. In this article I’m going to run through the most common ways guys screw it up with a girl they really like.
1. Supplication
This is number one because of it’s overwhelming commonality. I’ve dated so many hot women that tell me, “My ex just told me how hot I was all the time and whenever we’d go out, he’d just ask me what I wanted to do. Sexually, he was just too timid and nice. Like, he’d ask my permission to do stuff. Huge turn-off.” Does this sound like you? Man up!
Let me clarify supplication. I am very, very nice to the women I date. But I don’t do it to make them like me. And that’s what supplication is all about – trying to make her like you. If she’s dating you, she likes you. If she’s talking to you, she likes you. That’s my attitude. I’m not saying don’t be nice. But there are two ways to be nice. The first way is by sucking up to her. The second is by protecting her and being a leader. That’s the “nice” you want.
Stop sucking up to your girlfriend. If she’s acting snotty, or does something disrespectful, let her know or ignore her. Otherwise, take the wheel – you are in control, and she likes it that way.
2. Jealousy
Nothing signals insecurity like getting jealous about your girl talking to other guys. I actually encourage girls to talk to other guys, jokingly. (If I was serious, they’d think that I didn’t want them anymore, and that’s bad.) This shows that I’m secure, and not worried about some guy taking her. The funny thing is, most guys have no clue what to do with women, so by me being more secure than any other man she meets, she keeps running back to me.
If you get your feelings hurt when she goes out with her friends, talks to her guy friends, or flirts or checks out other guys occasionally, chill out. You’re the one she’s with, and that should be enough for you. If you feel she’s being disrespectful by flirting too much in front of you, look at her with a blank stare, ask her what she’s doing, and then ignore her for a while until she apologizes. This may sound harsh, but you’re basically using her own language (paralanguage) to communicate that she’s out of line, without losing your cool. Always keep your cool.
3. Bad (Selfish) Sex
Bad sex really means selfish sex. If you are not taking time to learn about, and pleasure, her body, you are FUCKING UP. You don’t need to buy a book on cunnilingus, just explore her body with your hands and tongue. Ask her what feels good, and how she likes to be touched and licked. Then do it. Let her correct you. Don’t assume you know what you are doing, and never get upset if she gives you feedback. Appreciate it – how else are you going to become a master of pleasuring her? You better get this handled or some other guy will.
It’s just as important that you teach her how to please you. You see, when a woman feels like only she can satisfy you, she will be devoted to you, because you need her. Women need to feel needed. Memorize that.
Work up your stamina too. There are several ways to do this: specialty condoms, jerking off to desensitize yourself, and breathing slowly and deeply to stay relaxed. (Most premature ejaculation problems are caused by nerves and over-excitement.) When you are a great lover, she will stay with you, because for women, sex and emotion are intertwined.
4. Too Much Focus on Sex
Do stuff outside of the bedroom, or she will start to feel like you see her as a fuck-buddy. Have a lot of sex, of course, but balance it out with doing non-sexual things. Get out of the house and do things together. Treat her like your friend, not just your sex-doll. This is pretty straight forward, but guys screw it up because as a man, we show are affection through sex. Women understand that you care about them through things you do outside of the bedroom.
5. Going Nowhere in Life
This is huge, and is more of a lifestyle change that requires self-reflection. Figure out some goals – don’t buy any self-help books. Just figure out some ambitious, but realistic, goals that you would like to achieve in the next year, two years, and five years. Write down three goals for each time period. Then gradually figure out the steps to making it happen, and do it! Tell your girlfriend about it. Not only will this make her more turned on, and devoted to you, it will make you accountable if you don’t follow through. Put down the beer/bong/Xbox controller and make a plan.
