Monday, October 22, 2012

How to Avoid Commitment ??!!

fear-of-commitment - avoid - sad marriage

As guys, we don’t like to jump into commitment too fast. It makes us feel imprisoned by obligation. As soon as you make your relationship with a woman “official,” it feels like you have to see her, or she’ll get upset. You also feel like you’ve lost the freedom to meet other women.

Now, no matter what the woman tells you, she does expect more from you as soon as you commit as a boyfriend. So make sure that if you do commit, it’s because you don’t want any other women. If this is not the case, then you’ll have to maintain an open, casual dynamic, and prolong commitment.

1. Don’t See Her Too Much
This is a huge mistake guys make when they first meet a girl they like. They see her 3-4 times a week. Bad. A woman interprets this as boyfriend behavior, and will assume that you only want to be with her. For me, I see new women about 1.5 times a week on average. This means that I may see her 1-2 times in a week, but over the course of 2 weeks, I’ll probably see her about 3 times. Keep this for as long as you can.

At some point she may get irritated with this, but only because she really likes you. Remember this – if she calls you out on only seeing her once a week, it’s because she likes you. I’ll tell you how to handle this in step 4.

2. Don’t Say Things Boyfriends Say
This is my biggest problem. I know what girls want to hear, and I like making them feel good. My ego sometimes gets in my way, and I end up smooth-talking women I just met. You have to be careful with this. Saying really sweet things like “I want to make you happy,” or “You’re the perfect girl for me,” make her think that you only want her and that you are really, really into her.

Just be normal and have fun. No sweet-talking necessary. Talk to her like you would your guy friends. Seriously, this will impress her (because you’re not trying to impress her), and at the same time, she won’t get ahead of herself romantically.

3. Keep the Emphasis on Sex and Pleasure
Make sure that most of what you do with this girl is sexual. Make sure that you don’t hang out with her without having sex or being intimate in some way. I’ve made this mistake before. I was sleeping with a girl, and for some reason, we hung out three times in a row without having sex. Talk about losing the spark! We ended up “just being friends.” If you don’t want to get serious, then keep playing!

4. When the Time Comes, Be Honest
At some point, if she likes you, she’ll ask you what kind of relationship you want. She wants to know how you see her. At this point, you need to be honest, but tactful. Tell her something like the following:

I like you and always have a great time with you. I care about you, so I don’t want to lie to you. I am not ready for anything serious right now. I need a lot of time for myself, and to go out with my friends, and not worry about having a girlfriend. I want to keep seeing you, because I like where it’s going. If you can’t accept that, I respect whatever you decide.

This is how to be honest while still keeping your power. When you lie, you are trying to control her, which diminishes your power, because it kills your integrity. She won’t respect you, and she can’t be attracted to a man she doesn’t respect. The irony is, she may be looking for the exact same terms (that’s happened to me many times)!

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