Celebrating your one month anniversary? It won’t take too long after the first date to realize that certain things might not be as they first seemed.
There is a lot talked about in the honeymoon period of a
relationship–that first six months to a year when romance is blossoming
at its fullest. After this time, there is a cool-down period when either
side of the couple changes its approach to the other, which can lead to
disappointment, relationship strife, and possibly even separation.
However, it’s not just the honeymoon period that sets up a period of
potential cooling down. There is a period when first dating, perhaps for
the first month, when each half of the dating couple is quite guarded
about how they present themselves and their lives.
The dating masquerade
This period is quite a tactical one and is based upon mutual
attraction only. The dating that occurs is almost like a game of chess,
where each half of the couple attempts to present themselves in the best
light, whilst trying to pry any negative and/or unwanted behavior out
of the other. But there will come a point after a few weeks when each
will relax, and the reality of the situation will become apparent.
This is when the perfect Adonis or Aphrodite image goes out the
window, and you realize you are dealing with a normal human being in a
very normal relationship. So what realizations occur during this time?
10 things you’ll learn in the first month of your relationship
Below are the ten most common things people in relationships learn
about their significant other, whether it’s traits that they adore or
reasons to abandon ship.
#1 They’re far from perfect. As
we’ve already mentioned, a lot of image management goes on in that first
month. Everyone wants to present themselves in the best possible light,
and they try to avoid letting any negative points slip through the net.
Once they start to relax, however, the real person becomes more
apparent, and the realization may dawn that they aren’t quite the image
of perfection you previously thought.
It could be something as insignificant as a bad personal habit, like
poor table manners, or a penchant for biting their nails. It could be
far more serious, such as overtly bigoted tendencies, or a complete lack
of regard for hygiene. Either way, their legend has–in your eyes, at
least–been diminished.
#2 Their friends are your friends.
You might be very choosy about who you usually consider to be friends,
but once the two of you get a little more comfortable together, you will
start to encounter each other’s circle of acquaintances.
This could be a good thing if they are good people: erudite, fun, and
supportive types. However, there are always those few idiots that your
potential life mate has chosen to take under their wing. And guess what?
There’s nothing you can do about it, as you quickly realize that their
friends are now your friends, too. Good luck!
#3 They aren’t your type. You have a
very specific type, normally, but it swiftly becomes apparent that they
have managed their image to the point where there was no hint of the
true them. That person you thought they were, quite simply, doesn’t
exist. Your choice is to either give it a go and see if you can broaden
your tastes, so to speak, or jump ship while you still can and swim for
more familiar waters.
#4 They might NOT be the one. It’s
easy to get carried away with your romantic inclinations during the
first few weeks of dating. The immediate object of your affections
maintains a position in your estimations somewhere between a god and an
angel, and you’re convinced that they are the one. It doesn’t take long,
though, for that impression to wear off and, at around the one-month
mark, you start to realize that they are actually just human.
Whether that encourages you to ditch them for the next one-month
deity or not is entirely down to your way of doing things. It really
comes down to whether you believe in romantic miracles, or you’re the
kind who perhaps prefers a bit of common sense and are willing to give
them a try.
#5 You might not be ready. This
person you’ve met really does float your boat. They look great, dress
great, can hold conversations on any subject, but still like to have
fun, and they have the kind of personal aspirations and goals that hint
at a very successful future. Yet, no matter how perfect they are, if you
aren’t ready for a full-on relationship, they aren’t the right person
for you.
If you’re realizing that you’d rather be out and about, partying with
friends and leading a singleton’s lifestyle, maybe you should do them a
courtesy and just let them go rather than lead them on.
#6 The sex needs some work. If, by
some chance, you’ve done the dirty deed this early in your relationship,
you might realize that you’ve chosen a partner who is far from being a
professional between the sheets. This realization may put you off
somewhat, but don’t worry. Even the worst lovers can be retrained to do
things exactly how you like them. And that’s a pretty fun journey all in
itself!
#7 The family are no fans. Again,
it isn’t usually the case that you meet parents this early in the
relationship, but if you do, you may experience a certain amount of
distrust and suspicion on their parts. This is often the case in the
early days, but there’s plenty of time to win them over. Realizing that
your partner’s parents aren’t particularly keen on you is no reason to
run; if they’re worth it, you’ll make the effort.
#8 You have very different tastes.
Maybe one of you is an adventurous eater of foreign delicacies, whereas
the other prefers simple, home-cooked food. Perhaps you go to the cinema
with the aim of watching a Stallone and Willis flick, whereas your
partner is more of a Kurosawa and Fellini fan.
Whatever the subject, you realize that several *or many* of your
tastes are entirely different. Don’t let this realization put you off,
however, and remember that the old saying “opposites attract” has some
truth to it.
#9 You’re still attracted to other people.
This is quite hard to accept if you’ve convinced yourself that you’ve
started dating your perfect life mate. But there can be no denying the
fact–you still find that other people can quite easily catch your eye.
This is only natural, and anyone who denies this particular realization
probably isn’t telling the whole truth.
#10 You’re in it for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes, we hide the truth from ourselves, for whatever reason that
may be. A prime example would be the case of starting a relationship on
the rebound. At first, you may think that you’re in it for all the right
reasons, but after those first few weeks, you slowly realize the
truth–and this is a foundation that needs to be addressed.
You may experience several realizations about your new
partner after the first month. Remember, though: things can always
change if they weren’t what you thought they were, and even the best
relationships require a hard work.
