Having things in common is often seen as a prerequisite to a relationship. But is having common ground really that important? By Danielle Anne Suleik
One of the things most people look at when looking for a partner is
common ground. When you start dating someone, you go through the motions
of getting to know them better. You communicate constantly. You go out
on dates. You try to get as much information as possible, before you
decide to commit.
What do people look for in a partner?
Each person carries a specific checklist of their ideal mate in their
mind. Whenever they meet someone, they start by ticking off the
physical attributes that they like. Once that’s over and done with, you
proceed to study how a person treats you and the other people around
you.
But a person can’t rely on those superficial things alone when
looking for a partner. They need to dig deeper and they usually do this
by talking – not Facebook stalking. You usually ask the basic questions
first about your jobs, your current living conditions, your hobbies and
other topics as well.
These are the little things that show us if the person in front of us
is someone we would like to spend time with. Some traits of our date
can make more of an impact than others. We don’t all adhere to the same
sets of standards, but we do want the same thing – someone to connect
with.
How do we know if the relationship is going to work?
There’s no way to know whether a relationship is going to succeed or
not. Different things can happen within the time you see each other.
Even if you get married, no one can assure you that you and your partner
will stay together until death do you part.
Promising each other isn’t even enough these days. You and your
partner need to make an effort to keep it going. You can’t just agree to
commit, without actually understanding its repercussions. A romantic
relationship is just as important as a marriage. If you want to be with
the person you love, you need to work hard at it.
There are different factors that help us decide whether the person
we’re seeing is a prime candidate for a relationship. These are:
#1 Communication. A good relationship starts off
with two people exchanging bits of information about themselves. As the
relationship progresses, your job as a couple is to process everything
through the way you communicate. That is why your relationship can only
succeed if you and your partner know how to express yourselves openly
and honestly.
#2 Instinct. Are we clicking? Do we feel any sparks?
Are there butterflies in our stomachs? Those are the instinctual signs
that we look for whenever we start seeing someone. If there’s nothing
there, people can sometimes lie to themselves, just so they can be in a
relationship. But that’s obviously not healthy.
#3 Affection. This is a basic necessity when you
decide to be in a relationship. Even if you don’t start out that way, a
good relationship will require both of you to slowly express yourselves
through intimacy and human contact.
If you can’t achieve at least one of these, I doubt that your
relationship could ever reach a deeper level. These are pretty basic,
but they characterize almost every aspect of a romantic relationship. By
getting to know each other better, you can assess whether the person is
a right fit for you by checking these standards.
What if we don’t like the same things?
Without needing to delve deeper on a first date, you can find out a
lot of things, before you even get to the personal stuff. Even without
realizing what you’re doing, you will probably end up comparing
everything that you and your partner shared about each other’s lives.
When you hear something familiar or similar about yourselves, you
immediately feel positive about your future. When you realize that you
have nothing at all in common, you start to get demoralized. This is
probably the reason why studies show that people who are alike tend to
have successful relationships.
I could disagree with the facts, but that’s a moot point. What I can
tell you is that you can remedy that problem of not having enough in
common. How? By doing these things:
#1 Have a little faith. Just because it looks like
you don’t share the same passion about similar things, it doesn’t mean
that there’s no chance of it ever happening. It could be because you and
your partner haven’t had the chance to talk more about each other’s
lives.
#2 Dig deeper. Not everything you have in common is
related to your career, hobbies and interests. People can change. You
have a chance to explore new things with your partner. As you grow and
experience new things together, you may soon find common ground in
unexpected thoughts and places.
#3 Be open-minded. Even if you and your partner
don’t like the same things, you can still try them to see if you’ll
change your mind. Obviously, your partner has to extend the same
courtesy to you and your interests.
#4 Ignore it. If you can’t find anything similar
between the things that you like, stop worrying so much about it. Even
if your interests aren’t in line with each other’s, you can still
support one another. As long as you care about them, no amount of common
interests can make up for the fact that you care a lot about your
partner.
Will this affect our relationship in the long run?
Any relationship can work, as long as the two people involved are
willing to do their part to make it work. You can ask all the questions
you want on how to keep a relationship stable, but there’s no guarantee
that every piece of advice can work for you and your partner.
Ultimately, you and your partner don’t have to like the same things
in order to make the relationship work, but you have to at least try to
know why your partner likes the things they do, and vice versa. In the
end, you have to live with your partner and you’ll have to put up with
the things that they do like.
It all depends on whether or not it’s a big deal for you. If you need
someone who likes the same things you do such as your preferences in
movies, hobbies, music, career choices and all those other things, then
find someone like that. If you can live with the things your partner
likes, then it would only be a small concession for you to humor them
about it. Just don’t judge them or make fun of them for it.
If you want to consider your common interests when choosing a
partner, no one’s going to judge you for it. Just know that it’s
possible to get along with someone, even if you don’t like the same
things they do. The important thing is that the thing you have in common
is your attraction towards each other.
