Many couples complain of boredom, lack of sex and less communication after being together for years on end. Here are 20 genius ways to fight that. By Lianne Choo
Contrary to what many people think, keeping the spark alive in a long
term relationship is not that easy to do. Work, kids, mortgages and
life in general tend to put a damper on the passion, lust and
interesting conversation that you had with your partner during the early
stages of your relationship.
What used to be glitzy nights out on the town have now been replaced
with stressful or boring nights in. One spouse frantically sending out
work emails, whilst the other nurses a sick baby does not make for sexy
couple time.
There is no denying that the deeper and more intimately you know
someone, the more likely the magic tends to diminish and you start
settling into what sexy singles like to refer to as the dreaded ‘comfort
zone.’ Don’t get me wrong. Being utterly comfortable with someone until
they seem like they are a part of you is a wonderful thing. In fact,
that sort of intimacy should be applauded and respected.
In the end, do not let boring conversation and a lack of animal sex
get in the way of the beautiful life that you have built with your
partner. There is absolutely no reason why you should not act like
teenagers with the man or woman whom you pledged yourself to years ago.
How can you keep things interesting after years of being together?
Here are 20 glorious ways to keep your long term relationship exciting, or as many like to say, ‘sex-citing’.
#1 Do something new together. By embarking on
something that neither of you has ever done before, it keeps things
interesting and fresh. Whether it’s taking a holiday somewhere new or
trying a new restaurant in town, do something new and interesting with
your partner.
#2 Date each other. Never underestimate the
importance of date night. Clear your schedule, put work on hold and plan
a nice night out. Whether it’s something simple like heading out for a
movie or preparing a homemade meal, never cancel on date night. If you
have kids, arrange for a sitter to watch them to ensure that you get
plenty of alone time with your spouse.
#3 Agree to unexpected requests. In an article published by the New York Times, Sonja Lyubomirsky,
a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside
said, “The natural human tendency to become “habituated” to positive
circumstances — to get so used to things that make us feel good that
they no longer do — can be the death knell of marital happiness.”
Hence, spice it up by doing things that would take you out of your
comfort zone. Whether it is accompanying your wife to the theatre or
keeping your husband company on his evening run, agree to things you
would not normally do.
#4 Don’t hold back on your love. There is no room
for ego in a happy relationship. Never hold back on expressing love and
forgiveness, no matter how irritated you are with your partner. The same
way you would want your spouse to touch you, laugh with you and forgive
you for all your wrongdoings, offer up the same thing. Never hold back
on your love no matter the circumstance.
#5 Switch up the routine. One simple way to keep
your long term relationship exciting is to switch up the routine.
Instead of going by the same old boring book, flip to a random page and
just do it. Whether it’s heading out to a new restaurant for a
spontaneous date night or surprising your partner with a quiet night in
and a great bottle of wine, mess around with the norm and see where it
takes you.
#6 Start an open dialogue. Communicating freely with
your spouse is very important if you want to keep your long term
relationship alive. This does not include speaking about everyday
household chores such as whose turn it is to take the dog to the vet,
who should run out for groceries and so on.
Communicating freely entails sitting down with your spouse for at
least 15 minutes a day and indulging in conversation. It could be
discussing the future, helping out with a work issue and so on. Keep
things light and easy. The goal is to get to know your partner again.
#7 Give it your all. When attempting to keep your
long term relationship exciting, ensure that you give it your all.
Behave as though your relationship will end if you cannot fix this, and
for most couples, that is probably the case. By thinking along these
lines, you will put in plenty of effort and truth be told, it’s the only
way you should be addressing this anyway.
#8 What would you have done 20 years ago? According
to Terri Orbuch, Ph.D, psychologist and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take
Your Marriage from Good to Great, “The main idea is to mimic your
relationship when you first met one another.” Ask yourself what you
were like years ago when you met your spouse. Were you more spontaneous
then? More loving? More giving? Peek into the past and practice what
both of you did in the beginning that made you fall in love.
#9 Socialize together. Being in a relationship
should not be all about just the two of you. Both sides need friends,
whether mutual or your own group of people. Start socializing more with
your friends and throw parties, host dinners, plan a BBQ or head out for
drinks together in a group. Socializing outside of work and
parent-teacher conferences will certainly inject some fun into your
relationship.
#10 Take trips. Sometimes, all you need to do to
revitalize your long term relationship is to plan an escape together.
Whether it is a 2-week getaway to the Maldives or a one night stay at
your favorite hotel in the city, take a trip with your partner and treat
it like a second honeymoon. If both of you cannot seem to take time off
or if you have financial constraints, then plan a simple picnic in the
park or have a glass of wine at your favorite lookout point.
#11 Surprise one another. Every expert out there
will tell you that giving is very important in a relationship, and they
do not just mean time. Gift giving is a surefire way to make your
partner smile. It does not have to be something expensive or
extravagant. It could be picking up a fridge magnet for your loved one
the next time you head overseas on a business trip, or surprising your
husband with tickets to a ball game. No matter what you do, make it a
point to let your partner know how grateful you are to have them in your
life.
#12 Accomplish something together. Set a realistic
goal together and work towards it. Examples include attending a samba
class, saving up a certain amount of money by the end of the year,
running a marathon together and so on. Whatever it is, motivate each
other and see it through to the end.
#13 Sex it up. Everyone knows just how important sex
is in a relationship, especially long term ones. Instead of vanilla
sex, try new things like toys, flavored lubes, sexy lingerie and
costumes. Loosen things up by popping open a bottle of champagne or
wine. After your second glass, all inhibitions will fly out the window
and you will be at it like teens.
#14 Be happy to see one another. No matter how busy
you are, make it a point to be happy to see your partner. At the end of
the day, instead of greeting your husband or wife with, “Did you
remember to buy eggs?” try giving them a kiss and hug before saying
anything. Let them know just how happy you are to see them and they will
reciprocate in like.
#15 Argue well. Arguments are a normal part of being
in a relationship. Try not to lash out in anger, and even when you do,
censor your words and do not hurt your partner. Try to listen more than
yell. Also remember that there is nothing wrong with going to bed angry.
Staying up all night arguing will only make things worse as both sides
will be tired and irritated.
#16 Look good for one another. If you want to keep
your long term relationship exciting, then you have to act and look the
part. Make an effort to look good for your partner. Start working out
and eating right. It will also be nice if you could shave, wax, put on
your makeup and don a nice outfit every so often to look smoking hot for
your loved one.
#17 Share the love. If you have been together for a
long time and feel that you are brimming with love, then perhaps it is
time to share what you have. If you have not already done it, talk about
having kids and starting a family.
If you are not ready for little minions, then why not get a pet
together? Be it a dog, cat, ferret, hamster or fish, getting a pet will
give both of you the chance to share the responsibilities of caring for
something other than yourselves. A word of caution: Having children or
getting a pet is not about fixing your relationship, rather, it is about
enhancing it.
#18 Appreciate life together. As morbid as this may
seem, keep in mind that life is short and that time is precious.
Revitalize your relationship by always appreciating life together. With
over 6 billion people in the world, it is a wonderful thing that you met
your partner and built a life together. Be grateful for the love you
share and cherish one another no matter what.
#19 Always forgive. You may think that your partner
should know better by now, but always remember that they too are human.
You are not the only one learning and growing in the relationship.
Mistakes will be made and all you can do is forgive them. If it won’t be
such a big deal, just let it go.
#20 Spend time apart. Finally, keep your long term
relationship exciting by spending some time apart. By spending time
apart, it will give both parties the freedom to do what they want
without the other breathing down their necks. It could be letting your
partner go off for a fishing trip with a friend or you spending some
time back home with your folks. Either way, give both sides the chance
to miss one another and you will find that when you are finally back
together, things will be a little different.
If the love between the two of you is strong, there is no
reason why you cannot reignite the flames of passion in your long term
relationship. Just remember to give it your all and you will find that
everything will turn out great in the end.