When the going gets tough, you may ask if your relationship is still worth fighting for. Here are the 10 signs that would tell you to keep at it! By Lianne Choo
According to the American Psychological Association,
“40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce.” In
an age that values throwing things away instead of fixing them, are we
doing this to our relationships too?
The numbers certainly seem to say so as according to a piece
published on Huffington Post’s site, “More than 200 times the number of
couples divorce today than a century ago, despite there being fewer
couples marrying.”
So what does this say about our society? In my humble opinion, this
simply means that our fickleness has robbed us of our ability to
appreciate our relationships.
Everything is too fast paced nowadays, even our thoughts. We need to
calm down, slow down and really take time to think about what we want
from our romantic relationships, and whether they are worth keeping if
things get bad.
How can you tell if you should stay in your relationship?
Every relationship is different, every partner is different,
everybody’s experiences are different. However, if you do not know where
to start, here are 10 general signs that may indicate staying is a good
idea. Keep these pointers in mind when you hunker down to weigh in the
pros and cons of keeping the relationship.
#1 You have invested a lot. Investing in your relationship is a
natural part of being in one. It could be time, money, tears and
anything else. For example, if you were in a long distance relationship
with your partner, and you finally figured out how to physically be
together, then you certainly need to give your current relationship a
chance. There is no way you did all that fighting and sacrificing for
nothing.
Another example is having financial investments together, not just in
the relationship, but in other aspects of life such as assets and
businesses. Many long term couples buy property together and the same
can be said of a husband-wife sort of business team. The more you have
invested, the harder you should think about walking away.
#2 You’ve been together for a while. If this relationship has
been a long term one, you may want to suck it up and power through. All
the time and energy that you have put into making it work thus far is
not to be scoffed at. In this situation, you have to think about your
partner as well. There is nothing worse than dedicating love, time and
effort into something, and then having the one you care about throw it
all away.
#3 You have commitments. You should seriously consider staying
if you and your partner have already built a life together and share
multiple responsibilities. An example is kids. Unlike pieces of
furniture that can be easily discarded or divided, kids are a whole
different story. If you have kids together, then the pull to stay
together should be much stronger.
Countless researchers and behaviorists have attested to the fact that
children need a stable and loving household to flourish. Other
commitments like pets and financial responsibilities should also be
considered.
#4 You’re for more than just to fend off loneliness. If you
are with your partner simply because you fear being alone, then it is
not a good sign. However, if the reasons you are together extend beyond
mere loneliness, then it is a sign that you should stay.
Being with someone is more than just filling a void and depending on
another person to make you feel whole. It encompasses various levels of
emotional and physical aspects and if you can confidently list down the
myriad positive reasons you are with your partner, then keeping the
relationship alive is certainly important.
#5 You uplift each other. You are probably pondering whether
to stay or go because you are going through a difficult time with your
partner. Before making that decision, look back on all the times you
spent together, and determine whether you lift each other up more than
bring each other down. If negativity pervades every aspect of your
relationship and support is lacking, you can pack up right now.
On the other hand, if you find that you bring out the best in each
other despite all the troubles and bickering, you can chalk it up as a
sign that you should keep the relationship going. Remember that being
with someone is not always rainbows and butterflies. There will be ugly
times in the mix, but if the rainbows and butterflies outshine the
darkness, then you have a good thing going.
#6 You can be yourself. The fact that you can be yourself when
you are around your partner should be enough of an indication that you
should stay together. We tend to hide who we truly are in everyday life.
It could be at work, at school, at the supermarket, at parties or
anywhere else in public. It is apparent in the way we dress, think,
converse and behave.
Whether it is leading others to believe that you make more money than
you really do by driving a nice car, or letting others think that you
are smarter than you really are by voicing meaningless opinions, we are
all guilty of projecting somewhat of a farce around others. However, if
you can completely let down your guard and still be loved and accepted
by your partner, then it is a sign that you should keep the relationship
alive.
#7 You still laugh together. Beloved American essayist and
biographer Agnes Repplier once said, “We cannot really love anyone with
whom we never laugh.” If you can still laugh and have fun with your
partner after years together, then you know that the relationship is
worth keeping.
Nothing is better than being able to share light hearted moments with
the person you care about. If the positivity is apparent then you
should be thankful for it and forge through with the relationship,
despite all the hardships that you have to endure as a couple.
#8 You can’t imagine life without your partner. To be honest, I
have thought about leaving my partner of six years on several
occasions. These thoughts cropped up during particularly dire and uneasy
periods involving negative emotions like distrust, paranoia,
dissatisfaction, irritation and so on. However, these emotions are
always quashed every time I imagine my life without him. In spite of the
sporadic difficulties that come up, I compare what my life was like
prior to meeting him and what it is like now.
I can honestly say that even though we have our differences and
engage in the occasional fight, life is so much better with him around.
Nothing can overshadow the laughter, good times, joy and love that we
share. If you feel the same way about your partner, then you know that
your relationship is worth fighting for.
#9 There is honesty and trust in your relationship. Honesty
and trust are two very important values in relationships. Without them,
your relationship will fail, and both parties will end up drowning in
misery. If both of you think that trust and honesty are very important
to the health of your partnership, then you should definitely keep
going.
Relationships are a two way street, so if only one party values
honesty and trust, it will not work out no matter how much you want to
keep going.
#10 There’s still some chemistry between you. If you still
lust after your sweetheart, then you know that it is a good sign. Not
many couples are able to keep the flames of passion going after spending
a significant period of time together but if you two are able to, then
why not give the relationship another go? Maybe all you need is a sexy
romp in the hay to make you appreciate just how wonderful things are.
It’s easy to consider leaving your partner when you’re going
through a rough patch. But when you look back and see that you have a
really great thing going, it can prevent you from giving up and push you
to keep working together.
