There are many things you can do to build a perfect relationship. However, sometimes it’s the things you don’t do that make all the difference.
Achieving a happy relationship with someone takes more than just a
bit of good luck. It requires daily exercise in healthy relationship
practices that help build a strong bond between two people. While
couples do many things to keep their relationships happy—communicating, for example—the things they don’t do might lend more to their happiness as a couple than you may think.
Things you shouldn’t do if you want a happy relationship
If you’re looking for ways to build a happy relationship with someone
special, consider the following “don’t do” tips that other happy
couples swear by.
#1 Don’t complain about your relationship to family or friends. Whether
your relationship is a little rocky from time to time or is smooth
sailing for the most part, don’t discuss it with outsiders. Involving
others in your private matters usually results in negative feedback
that’s hardly ever helpful. Instead, talk directly to each other to work
through the bumps in the road together.
#2 Don’t compare yourself to others. People who are
truly happy accept themselves and others as they are. Comparing yourself
or your partner to someone else is unfair and unrealistic. It only
leads you to feelings of insecurity about yourself and about your
relationship.
#3 Don’t blame your partner for your problems.
Understand that it’s you who needs to take responsibility for your own
feelings. Don’t blame your partner or wallow in self-pity. Instead,
communicate with them and ask for the help you need in rectifying the
situation.
#4 Don’t take yourself too seriously. Life is full
of ups and downs. To be truly happy, you mustn’t take everything so
seriously. Happy couples enjoy life. They date often and laugh a lot.
Even when life gets rough, find ways to keep it light if you can.
#5 Don’t criticize. Nobody likes a nag. Criticizing
your partner only creates a rift in the relationship that, over time,
can tear it apart. Try not to criticize each other, but instead, look
for ways to work through irritating situations with sensitivity.
#6 Don’t ignore the financial side of your relationship.
Money troubles can stress even the best relationships, so address
issues as quickly as possible when they arise. Discuss your financial
goals so you can make responsible decisions for a bright future. If
money matters are a touchy subject with you, just know that ignoring
them can lead to major headaches later on.
#7 Don’t attempt to read your partner’s mind. In many relationships—especially long-term ones—couples
assume they know what their partners want or need. While you may know
your partner better than anyone else, never assume you know all the
time.
The key to a happy relationship is communication, and you must
communicate well in order to know what the other truly needs and wants.
Spell your feelings and desires out explicitly so there are no mistakes
or disappointments.
#8 Don’t choose bad timing. There is a right time
and a wrong time to share your feelings in order to have your needs met.
The wrong time is when your partner is busy or otherwise preoccupied
with something else.
When you engage with them during a time like this, chances are that
they will not get the importance of what you’re saying, leaving you
feeling frustrated and angry. The right time to discuss your feelings is
when they aren’t busy. The best way to make sure it’s a good time is
simply to ask. “Hey, I’d like to discuss something with you. Is now a
good time?”
#9 Don’t obsess about your role in the relationship.
Most people have their “role” in a relationship. Some roles are
gender-based: Mowing the grass is usually the man’s job, for instance.
However, happy couples take on tasks outside their roles in order to get
things done when they need to be done, no matter whose job it is. If
your partner is the cook in the relationship, but can’t get dinner on
the table because she’s working late, step in and get the job done. Have
supper waiting for her when she gets home.
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#10 Don’t be a Negative Nelly. Rather than
pressuring your partner to do what you think they need to do, try
encouraging them instead. Be the support and motivation they need to
achieve bigger and better things, rather than nagging them to do better.
#11 Don’t look to Hollywood for relationship advice.
There’s no doubt celebrity couples are interesting, but never, ever
look to them as proper examples of what a happy relationship looks like.
Real-life Hollywood couples are usually dysfunctional and end up
breaking up soon after getting together. Furthermore, on-screen
Hollywood couples are unrealistic portrayals of relationships. Happy
couples simply do not base their happiness on these false
representations.
#12 Don’t rush your relationship. Never push your
relationship to higher levels too quickly. Everyone wants the fairy tale
happy ending, but don’t forget to enjoy the journey too.
#13 Don’t expect your relationship to be the answer to your prayers.
While a healthy, happy relationship certainly adds to your life, don’t
expect it to solve all your problems. It’s nobody else’s responsibility
to fix your life. You must do that yourself. Take responsibility for
your own feelings and problems to keep them from interfering with the
happiness of your relationship.
#14 Don’t expect being a couple to be easy. It is
amazing to be in a long-term relationship, but it is rarely easy. View
challenges as an opportunity to grow and become stronger as a couple.
Being happy together takes effort, but learning as you go gives you the
strength you both need to stay together and be truly happy.
#15 Don’t hold back. You never lose out by loving
someone. You lose out by holding back and not giving 100% of yourself in
your relationship. Being part of a truly happy couple cannot happen
until you are able to give someone else the chance to hurt you, while
trusting them, at the same time, not to. Being in a happy relationship
means you have faith in your partner, and they have faith in you, too.
#16 Don’t keep secrets. Secrets can destroy the
strongest relationships. Trust is a delicate thing that’s easily lost,
so don’t keep secrets from your partner. Consider keeping secrets as the
same thing as lying. Nothing good ever comes from lying.
#17 Don’t hide who you are. If you can’t be yourself
around someone you love, you can’t be happy. Happy couples love each
other for who they are and are never afraid of being themselves. There’s
nothing better than being loved for who you are. On that same note,
never feel as if you need to change for anyone. If they can’t accept you
for you, you’ll never be happy in the relationship.
#18 Don’t dwell on the past. The past is gone. It
can’t be changed. Accept that your partner has a past, and although you
may not like it, accept it and move on. Look to the future together and
forget about what’s behind you.
#19 Don’t focus on your partner’s flaws. Everyone
has them, but don’t focus on your partner’s. When you focus on the good
in them, you’ll not notice them anyway. By discovering the good in your
partner, you also discover the good in yourself.
#20 Don’t expect anything in return. To maintain a
happy relationship, be willing to give but expect nothing in return. Do
something special for your partner because you know it will make them
happy. When your focus becomes more about giving than gaining, you’ll
find yourself becoming truly happy too.
There’s no magic formula, and every person is different. However,
these small considerations can take your relationship from down in the
dumps to on top of the world—that is, if you pay attention and apply
them properly.
Everyone aspires to be part of a happy couple. It can be a
struggle, but anyone can build a perfect relationship if they just take
the time to practice healthy relationship habits. Use the tips above to
guide your own relationship to a happier, healthier place.