Whether you’re a new couple or you’re firmly in the long-term territory, it won’t hurt to get a little help to keep those sparks flying.
You could have found the perfect partner, developed the perfect home
life and be living in perfect harmony, but unfortunately experience
tells us that however perfect everything is now, it is unlikely to
remain that way forever. The fact is that the way we feel about a loved
one, no matter how deeply held and seemingly infallible those feelings
may be, unless we make an effort to nourish them, they will in time fade
and possibly even die.
The secret to staying in love
The secret to staying in love isn’t one that requires a complex
understanding of human psychology, nor is it one that is complex enough
to warrant apprehension. The secret is simply this: put the work in.
Love is not a static emotion. It needs time spent upon it to ensure
it continues to thrive. You wouldn’t leave a potted plant to its own
devices, would you? It’s the same with your relationship. It needs to be
nurtured and cared for in order to thrive. So how exactly can you keep
your love alive?
#1 Be romantic. Never let this one
escape your list of priorities. Whether you’re male or female, please
keep in mind that a little romantic gesture or two from time to time is
something is necessary in your relationship.
It doesn’t matter how long you have been together, it doesn’t matter
that you think you’ve outgrown that sort of thing. A bunch of flowers, a
surprise trip or other romantic gifts and events can help steer your
relationship away from the road towards tedium and complacency, which
can result in a falling out between you and your lover.
#2 Bedroom fun. In any guide or
advice column you read regarding relationships, a healthy sex life
always comes near the top of the list of tips for maintaining a loving
situation. And there are many reasons for this. There are certain
chemical reactions that promote a feeling of happiness and contentment
that become associated with the other person involved.
There is the physical feeling of closeness that can’t be achieved
with any other activity. Stress and tensions that may be threatening the
relationship otherwise are alleviated by sex. There is no doubt as to
its importance at all, when it comes to the issue of staying in love.
In practical terms, however, this means not only making love, but
doing so, spontaneously and creatively. A regular Tuesday evening slot
is unlikely to keep the flames of love burning, nor is a commitment to
the same position time after time, with little or no foreplay, carried
out in darkness. Shake things up a little, avoid routine, try new things
and watch that love you both have become stronger and stronger.
#3 Shape up. A long term
relationship is no excuse for letting things slide, and one of the
reasons that half of a couple most often cites for playing away from
home is that their partner, quite simply, has let him or herself go. And
there really is no excuse for that.
It’s a sign of respect for someone, if nothing else, that you want to
make your best effort to look good for them, and being that handsome
chap or radiant beauty that first caught their eye can only help to keep
the flames alive. An easy tip to effect – just resist the urge to
succumb to laziness when it comes to grooming.
#4 Affection. Quite simple advice,
keep giving it! Physical contact isn’t solely restricted to sexual
activities and showing affection for your partner. Smile at each other.
Hold hands. Sit really close together when you’re out. Give each other a
massage. These little bursts of affection build up to form the
foundation of love and intimacy, so don’t neglect them!
#5 Make time. Every loving
relationship needs dedicated time in order to get the most from it. This
is what’s often referred to as “quality time” that is spent purely
enjoying the company of the person you are sharing it with and putting a
bar on any interruptions or intrusions.
This way, you can keep a track of each other’s lives, take note of
any current issues, interests and changes, so that you’re able to
respond better to each other’s needs. No matter how busy you are with
work, with the kids or with your hobbies, always set aside a couple of
hours to bask in each other’s company.
#6 Make space. Ermmm… isn’t that
the opposite of number five? Well, no, not really. Making space is the
perfect complement to making time. When you have time together, make
sure it is quality time, meaningful time, but equally a healthy
relationship needs space to allow each other’s individualities and
identities to flourish.
Time spent together all the time is almost certainly not of the
quality variety, and is just likely to create a feeling of suppression
and imprisonment. Get out, play a sport or socialize with friends, take
time to be around other people so that when you come home, you
appreciate each other even more and you have a lot of new insights to
talk about.
#7 Listen. Again, kind of obvious,
but it’s amazing how many people don’t do this. In a relationship,
especially where people can change in their attitudes and outlook on
life over a long period of time, it is important to keep abreast of
those things that have gained or lost significance in your partner’s
eyes. Nothing is more likely to douse the sparks than completely losing
touch with the person you claim to adore.
#8 Help around the house. This can
apply to either gender depending upon personal circumstances, but when a
couple comes to rely upon just one half to perform all the domestic
duties, it can add a bit of a strain on the relationship. Even if only
one half of the couple works, and performing domestic duties is the
agreed role of the other, give them the odd day off and take over. Get
them a DVD to watch and a box of their favorite confection. Nothing
would make your partner’s heart go a-flutter than taking the domestic
duties by the proverbial horns and allowing them to relax.
#9 Don’t nag. Nagging seems almost
like a harmless pastime for some couples, and it can be quite amusing
when apparently done in a harmless manner – hence the vast number of
heckling and nagging couples extant within comedy films and TV shows.
However, too much nagging will almost certainly lead to a dissolution
of the loving feelings, and can even lead to resentment. If there are
things that annoy you about your partner’s behavior, try dealing with it
through mature discussion at a point when you are both relaxed, to
avoid the silly and pointless bickering that can otherwise occur.
#10 Deal with it. If you seem to
have hit a brick wall and your relationship is sliding away from you,
then it may be time to swallow your pride and seek the help of a
professional in that field. Marriage and relationship counselors might
not be everyone’s cup of tea, but if it has gotten to the stage where
all else has failed, then what have you got to lose? If you at least
consider this option, then it shows, if nothing else, that you still
love your partner enough to make the effort.
There is never an end to true love, and if you’re willing to
put in the work, there is no reason why you and your partner shouldn’t
achieve the “happily ever after” that we all strive for.