Not all love is the same and if you can’t tell the difference, it can get you into trouble – especially if you don’t know if it’s just obsessive love.
Do you remember how it feels to be in love for the first time? To be
so excited to see someone that you could hardly stand it? Your heart
goes frantic, your breathing elevates, and you just can’t get rid of
that feeling in your stomach – the butterflies. While you may have
thought this was love, it could be something entirely different and
unhealthy. It could just be obsessive love.
How many of us really know what love is? The truth is that we could
be mistaking love for something that’s more common. An obsessive love
and not real love. We think we’re crazy about someone only to find out
that we’re really only obsessed with them for a short amount of time.
What is love, really?
Love is a very complicated thing. It can change the way your whole
body feels. In fact, it even changes the chemistry in your brain. Being
in love is such a powerful feeling that you can start to think much
differently.
According to psychology, love is the release of a bunch of different
chemicals. Oxytocin, phenethylamine, and dopamine are a few that get
released in your brain that makes you feel giddy, energized, and most
importantly, in love.
Is it real love or just obsessive love?
The tricky thing about differentiating these two types of love is
that they’re very similar. We feel them on a similar level and it makes
it difficult to know if you’re truly in love with someone.
If you get these two mixed up, it can lead to real trouble. You may
get married, have a child, or make even bigger mistakes if you’re unsure
if it’s true love or just an obsession. For those of you who are new to
the love game, these descriptions of real love and obsession love can
help you determine what you’re really feeling.
Real Love
#1 It comes on slowly. It’s easy to think that true
love hits you really hard and fast but that’s actually not true. Sure,
you can feel really into someone and like them a LOT, but that’s not
love. Real love needs time to grow and emerge rather than hit you like a
ton of bricks.
#2 You feel comfort. Love is comfort. You feel
content and at ease with your feelings for them. It’s like a
slow-burning emotion rather than an explosion that sets your nerves on
edge. You just feel comfortable with them, with your feelings for them,
and in your life.
#3 It comes easily. Real love doesn’t have to be
forced. You don’t have to try to fall in love with someone. It’s just
something that happens and it’s not difficult to feel that way. When you
fall in love, it’s so easy that you may not even realize you have. It’s
like breathing.
#4 Thinking of them makes you smile. When they pop
into your mind and you just let out a small smile, that’s real love.
Thoughts of them just make you happy and feel good. When you’re just
going about your day and their name or face happens across your mind and
you just feel good about it, that’s real love.
#5 Their happiness is more important than your own. When
you’re truly in love with someone, their happiness comes first. Yes,
you still have to worry about your own happiness, but it’s actually tied
to theirs. When you feel happy about them being happy, it’s real love.
#6 You want to work out your issues. Love doesn’t
come without problems. We all have arguments – even in the healthiest of
relationships. The point is that when you do have these fights, you
want to fix them and resolve the issue. You don’t shove it down and
ignore it or pretend that it doesn’t exist.
#7 You recognize their flaws and still feel the same. You
know they have flaws. You see the issues in their life, but if you’re
truly in love, they don’t matter to you. In fact, those flaws can even
make you love them more. You don’t change how you feel when you see them
at their worst.
Obsessive Love
#1 It’s fast. If you feel as though you’re in love
right when you first meet them. It’s not real love. It’s more likely an
obsession love that formed really fast and hard. It can often be the
“love at first sight” feeling. But it’s not real love.
#2 You can’t pinpoint a reason for your “love.” When
someone asks you why you love them and you can’t even think of a
reason, that’s a problem. You just feel the emotions of love so much,
but you don’t even know why you love them. That’s a sign it’s obsessive
love and not real love.
#3 Thinking of them brings on anxious feelings. When
you think about them, how do you feel? Are you anxious? Does your heart
rate pick up and you feel the need to talk to them? Do you start
breathing heavier? This isn’t a feeling of love, but a feeling of
obsession. They are not good feelings.
#4 You feel as though you can’t live without them. Picture
your life without them. How does it feel? Are you feeling like you need
them to survive, like they’re your oxygen? If so, I’m afraid to say
that this sounds more like an obsessive love and not real love.
#5 You don’t see any flaws in them. Do they have any
faults? When you have an obsessive love, you just can’t possibly
imagine that there’s anything wrong with them. You may notice that they
have a “fault” but to you, it’s not at all and you defend it as a
positive trait. This is more than likely an obsessive love than a real
love if that’s the case.
#6 You go crazy if you’re not talking to them in that moment. I
know everyone wants to talk to the person they love, but only to a
certain degree. If you can’t go a few hours without checking in or
talking to them, it may be a sign of an unhealthy obsessive love. If you
feel a deep need to always be talking to them or being around them,
it’s not real love.
#7 You’re jealous of everything and anything that they love. This
can be a person or even an inanimate object. If you find yourself
wishing you could get rid of everything in their life that they love
except you, it’s an obsessive love. This behavior is really unhealthy
and is not real love at all.
#8 You change your behavior to accommodate their interests. If
you completely change your life around to fit the things they like,
it’s not real love. It’s perfectly normal to want to try and get into
something they enjoy just so you understand it more, but when you’re
dropping your own hobbies to pick up their and that’s it, it’s obsessive
love.
Love should be exciting, rewarding, and really fun. But if
you have an obsessive love, it can be anxiety ridden and hard to deal
with – not to mention really unhealthy. Know where your emotions fall.