Fighting in a relationship may seem healthy, but it just doesn’t feel right. And it could also be harmful in a long term relationship. At times, it’s our own personalities that create issues in love. Find out the kind of fights couples have, and learn to avoid it.
Fighting in a relationship is normal, even if it’s avoidable.
When you’re in a relationship, you fight. Period.
Whether it’s about letting the dog join you in bed or in the shower, or about who’s going to get on top.
Fights are inevitable, but the outcome, aah… now that’s all in your hands, isn’t it?
It’s easy to scream out a war cry or a native Indian hoo-ha, but it’s
a lot better if you just say “yaba dabadoo” and make up after a little
war game.
But before you decide to mush and make up, go figure where you belong in the fight club.
There are just two people in love, so when there’s fighting in a
relationship, it’s obvious it’s just one of you that’s started the
fight.
You may not realize it, but at times you may be the cause of all the fighting in a relationship.
It could be your partner’s fault too, but take a look at the kind of
fighter in love you are, and find out if you’re playing a big part in
the relationship’s fight night.
Go figure if you belong to any of these fighting clubs. And if you do, for crying out loud, deal with it.
THE TONGUE LASHER
Are you the kind of person who just can’t control their temper when
they get angry? You don’t really want to argue, but you see red when you
get angry. For you, your tongue becomes an unruly charger and that too,
very often. You take all the chores in your hands, believe you should
be at your best behavior at every hour of the day. And it gets worse for
the working men and women, who are pounded by guilt 24/7 for not being
able to share quality time with their spouse and family, which would
only make the temper flare up more easily.
How to deal with it
Trying to figure out what makes you fly off the handle will help if
you want to avoid fighting in a relationship. You should understand that
you’re only human and a happy relationship is more important than a
clean house. Do have a talk with your mate and try to figure out what’s
making you so uptight, and the reason behind your frustrations. Let your
partner know what you don’t like, and the next time an incident repeats
itself, calm yourself before you speak.
It may be the work pressure at office, or the pressure to always be
responsible at home. It is essential to find out what your partner’s
been doing, that gets the veins on your temple throbbing. If you’re
treating your mate like a dartboard to throw all your darts at, it’s
time you do something to sort things out. Mend your behavior before it’s
too late, and your partner starts to stay away from you.
THE NO-SOUND-ALL-GESTURES FIGHTER
The fighting in the relationship starts because of all the implosive
anger that you’ve been holding within yourself. You’re the type who will
let petty things grow within you until it becomes a tree of
intolerance. The umbrage, in your case, has grown big out of trivial
issues. And one fine day, you shed the leaves of the big, bad
intolerance tree in one moment of anger. You splutter and spurt in
monosyllables or by showing disinterest and coldness, way after the
fighting dust has settled.
By nurturing a grudge and holding onto your anger, you hurt for far
longer than you actually need to. Your behavior will only worsen the
situation.
How to deal with it
Don’t sweep issues under the carpet. If you want to avoid fighting in
a relationship, you should communicate with your spouse about what
exactly bothers you. It is you who’s letting the small things gnaw at
the foundation of your relationship. Human beings are not mind-readers
and if you want your relationship to grow into a healthy one, rather
than a pathetic “we-just-live-together” one, develop your interpersonal
skills. And stop holding grudges.
THE RAKING COW
All your past resentments begin to drift back into your mind once
your voice rises to a crescendo. And you make a Molotov cocktail of all
your so-called past hurt and resentments, club it with the present ones,
and fling it at their face.
And what if the opposite happens? What if your mate too flings one
back at you, by digging into your past and bringing out their unpleasant
memories? That would just be disgusting, wouldn’t it? That’s definitely
not right. Why would you want your mate to bring up some itsy bitsy
details of your stale shortcomings? So unless you want a stalemate of
words, refrain from raking old issues with your mate.
How to deal with it
The next time, before you go blast to the past, think of the effect
it would have on you if you were in your sweetie’s place. Instead of
snowballing your complaints and hurling it at your spouse, try to solve
the issues.
You aren’t in any competition to sort all your issues at once. For starters, just one at a time will do just fine.
