Being selfish is okay once in a while, especially in relationships. But is there ever a place for selfishness in a relationship? And if so, when?
Selfishness is one of the negative traits that a person can possess.
Although it is a general guideline to not be selfish at all, most people
are still victims of their own whims.
The urge to become selfish pops up when you least expect it. Nobody
really goes out of their way to be selfish. It usually occurs when
someone asks you for something that you don’t want to give. Of course,
in order to love someone else, you do need to be able to love yourself;
but you don’t want to take your self-love too far. Here are some general
guidelines on what selfishness is in the first place, and when it may
or may not be okay to act a little self-centered in your relationship.
What makes a person selfish?
Being selfish is not limited to worldly possessions. A person can
become selfish of their time, their attention, and even their
understanding.
There are different ways for a person to be selfish. It’s not always a
bad thing. When you are selfish because of greed, envy, and pettiness,
it is a bad reflection of your selfishness.
Being selfish can be an act, but it can also be an inherent trait.
Selfish people think only of themselves and refuse to help those who are
in need.
When you are selfish because you can’t afford to give something away
or if you can’t sacrifice yourself for that purpose, it’s not bad at
all.
We are all guilty of being a little self-centered at one point or
another, but it doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to be selfless now
and again.
How does selfishness play into relationships?
When we are in a relationship, we are sometimes guilty of only
thinking of ourselves, even when we don’t realize it. It can manifest as
something as small as starting a fight for attention, or it can be as
big of an issue as refusing to listen to your partner’s requests.
Issues like these will come up now and again, but you are supposed to
learn from them. Be wary of making a habit of these types of problems.
There will come a time when you need to be selfish, but it’s only
acceptable when it’s for a good cause. It is also acceptable when you
have less than enough to give – not just physically, but also
emotionally.
When are you allowed to be selfish in a relationship?
Is there ever a time when selfishness can be justified or even required in a relationship? Of course, there is.
#1 When your partner doesn’t spend enough quality time with you. In
order for a relationship to succeed, you and your partner must invest
in enough time to bond. Even if you’re in a long-distance relationship
or have problems accessing communication tools, you are obligated to
spend a portion of your time with your partner.
#2 When you feel strongly about a decision that affects you. Doing
something that your partner doesn’t agree with can be considered
selfish. Sometimes, our instincts can be the best indicators of whether
or not we’re making the right decision. If you are ready to bear the
responsibility of the consequences, this can be one of those times when
being selfish works out for you.
#3 When you don’t have enough resources to give. Time,
energy, and money are some of the resources that couples share. If you
don’t have enough to give, it is okay to be selfish. You can’t forsake
yourself for your partner if it means you’ll end up losing more than you
can afford.
#4 When you’re taking on too much. Being a couple
requires certain responsibilities. Being present is one of them, but
there are also other responsibilities, like taking care of your partner.
When it proves to be too much, it’s okay to back down and ask for help
instead of giving it.
#5 When other people meddle in your relationship. When
other people involve themselves in your relationship without your
prompting, it’s okay to be selfish by shutting them out. Friends and
family can help you, but there are times when you need to do things with
your partner on your own.
#6 When you are miserable. When you are unhappy and
your partner doesn’t have the ability to help you, you must do things on
your own and find the happiness that you need.
#7 When something you want will benefit you and your partner. When
your partner fails to understand the necessity of something that you
want, it’s okay to be selfish and decide this on your own. Just make
sure that you are making the right choice and that you can take full
responsibility when it costs you.
#8 When you become too selfless. Giving too much can
take a lot out of you. Some people think that this is the right way to
live, but giving too much means that you’re not leaving enough for
yourself. If you are left with nothing, you end up hurting your partner
in the process.
When shouldn’t you be selfish?
Just as there are instances when you need to be selfish for the sake
of your relationship and yourself, there are also instances when you
should learn to be more giving, for both your sakes.
#1 When your partner is in pain. When you see that
your partner is hurting, it’s okay to give them what they need, like
your time and attention. Ask for time off from work, prioritize them,
and try your best to help them.
#2 When your choices hurt other people. In this
case, you must be aware enough to know that your actions are hurting
people. Be more observant and see how your actions are affecting others.
#3 When you have more than enough to give. Some of
us are luckier than others, which means that it’s okay to give when you
can afford to. If you have some free time, spend it with your partner.
If they need help to get back on their feet, offer to pay for their
share until they can. When the opportunity to help presents itself, take
it.
#4 When you’re being vindictive. When your partner
inadvertently hurts you, you should hold back on taking any sort of
revenge. Hurting someone on purpose is a form of selfishness. It is
better to discuss things and vent out your frustration than to seek
revenge.
#5 When you’re being petty. This is the same as
being vindictive, but this trait is usually caused by immaturity. People
become petty when they resent not getting their way. Being in a
relationship means that there’s no room for immaturity like that.
#6 When you want something unreasonable. If you
can’t have something you want, let it go. Don’t throw a fit and don’t
guilt your partner into giving it. Accept that your partner can’t give
you everything you want and you’ll be happier for it.
#7 When your partner needs you. If your partner
doesn’t know how to ask you for something that they need, step up and
offer it yourself. Being generous is the exact definition of
selflessness. Giving something that someone needs is the point of caring
for and loving someone.
You might think that there’s no room for selfishness in any
relationship, but it is necessary in certain situations. Being selfish
is perfectly fine when it’s not motivated by greed and envy, so consider
the guidelines we showed you above.
Once you truly understand when selfishness in a relationship
is okay and when it isn’t acceptable, you can help your partner
understand your decisions better and also connect better with each
other.
