So you’ve found someone who thinks you’re the light of their life. You may have caught their interest, but what can you do to maintain it?
No matter how much sparks fly at the beginning of a relationship, no
matter how much the earth moves or the clouds lift, the passion you once
experienced inevitably seems to fade away. This happens over different
lengths of time, depending upon the couple involved. It can take
anywhere from two weeks to twenty years to happen, but happen it always
does.
A lot of this has to do with the fact that an individual who once
seemed like an exciting and fascinating romantic prospect, at some point
in the relationship, suddenly finds themselves having nothing new to
give.
Managing your image
Being a successful lover and partner has a whole lot to do with
marketing yourself and managing your image properly. You have to be
aware of how much you are giving of yourself, when your material is
running out and when you need to move on and create new material.
This all, as previously stated, depends on what stage of the
relationship you are at and how well you are managing each stage. The
following tips then elaborate on steps you can take to keep yourself
looking interesting in your partner’s eyes, and at what stage of the
relationship these should be adopted.
Early stages
#1 Make a good impression. An obvious one, although
we’re not talking about first impressions necessarily. A first
impression is what we do within the first few seconds of meeting
someone, how we come across to other people through our speech, manners
and body language. What we’re interested in is the first date, or first
few dates, and how you maintain any good first impressions.
A lot of this has to do with holding things in check, and not pouring
out your life story or telling them in depth about your fascination
with pre-1987 diesel trains and all the glorious details, which that
inclination might entail. Hold your cards to your chest, whilst still
trying to maintain the conversational flow, and play the long game.
#2 Save your best for later. You might have scaled
the Himalayas, studied in the heart of the Amazon under an animistic
shaman for six months, provided first aid to civilians caught in a war
zone or bungee jumped off Victoria Falls. You might have a list of such
achievements as long as your arm.
However, please do resist the urge to share all of your
accomplishments with a potential partner, on the first occasion. There
are two reasons for this: firstly, they’re going to think you’re showing
off. Secondly, what are you going to have to talk about in the future?
Cherry pick your achievements, and make sure you’ve got one for each
occasion, ensuring that you seem as interesting as possible for as long
as possible.
#3 Learn what interests them. Now’s the time to do
your research. Conversation is a two way street. Pick up on those little
things that they profess to liking, but steer the conversation
elsewhere if possible. Then use that knowledge at a later date.
For example, if they mention professional road cycling as an
interest, but not as a topic of conversation, then avoid the temptation
to make it so. Do make a mental note though, go home, do a bit of Google
magic, and next time you’ll be armed and ready to discuss the
achievements of Pedro Delgado and Bradley Wiggins in a virtuoso
performance of knowledge. Nothing is as interesting as someone sharing
the same interests.
Mid stage, a couple of months in
#4 Keep listening. You’ve made a great start, kept
your partner’s interest enough to develop that spark into a full blown
relationship, and started a whole new and exciting life together. Now is
not the time however, nor will it ever be, to start developing bad
habits.
One of the worst bad habits in a relationship is complacency, and you
should make an effort to avoid it all costs. How? Keep listening. Don’t
turn on the mute button and stop listening to what they have to say or
are interested in. Keep doing what you did in the early stages and
listen to what your partner has to say, so that you can contribute to
the conversation at hand. In fact, with all your best stories and
achievements now used up, this is probably more important than ever.
#5 Learn or do new things. So you’ve exhausted
everything you know about road cycling – so much, in fact, that if you
ever actually met Sir Bradley Wiggins in person, you’re pretty sure that
you’d jam one of those high performance wheels right up where the sun
don’t shine! Well then, maybe it’s your turn to take the bull by the
horns and start learning new things.
Get a new newspaper, one with a little more substance than you
usually buy, or of a different political persuasion. Read some new
books, watch some documentaries, do a little home study. You’ll be
surprised how much free education is available out there. Then the next
time you sit down at the breakfast table with your other half, you’ll
have a whole new range of conversational topics to inject into an
otherwise predictable array of verbal offerings.
#6 Try new activities together. Similar to the
previous point, try and find something that you’ve both never done but
really fancy trying, and give it a go. Whether it’s knitting,
hang-gliding or martial arts, there’s nothing better than a shared
interest to make you more interesting: specifically because it is
inclusive of your partner, and shows that you are making an effort, and
are willing to keep your relationship moving forwards.
TIP – both of you make a list in private of the top ten things you’d
like to try, that are reasonably achievable, and compare these
afterwards. See if any of them match, and make these the object of your
new activity itinerary.
Later stages, a couple of years in
#7 Suggest new bedroom activities. A good sex life
is so important to a healthy and balanced relationship. It diffuses
stress, fosters a feeling of closeness and is extremely good fun! So if
one day in the far future of your relationship, you realize that sex has
become a scheduled activity, much like doing the ironing or going out
for the weekly grocery trip, and involves a few moments of half-hearted
groaning and a roll off, then things need shaking up.
Get some magazines with tips about how to improve your sex life or
check out the Sensual Tease section of LovePanky, get some saucy videos
or sex toys, and start spicing things up in the bedroom. You can bet
your bottom dollar that your partner will respond in kind and will start
to remember what an interesting and exciting individual you can be.
#8 Be spontaneous. The best way to be seen as
interesting is to be spontaneous. However, in the later stages of a
relationship, routine sets in and things just naturally seem to fall
into a pattern. If you identify this happening in your life, then try to
break that routine. Make your partner breakfast in bed, if that’s
something you don’t normally do, surprise them at work with a bunch of
flowers or by turning up unexpectedly and taking them for lunch. There’s
a whole host of things you can do to surprise your partner and stop
them from taking you and your habits and ways for granted.
#9 Shake things up. Now’s the time in your
relationship to start making the big changes. You’ve settled down, got
your careers, perhaps a mortgage, maybe children, and life seems to
revolve around paying bills and performing to society’s expectations of a
good solid citizen… *yawn*. So many relationships break up because one
or both of a couple decide that they want more from life, and they start
heading off in a different direction.
Take control of that urge and make a big plan that you can involve
your partner in, that takes you both in a whole new direction. Imagine
how interesting you would seem and how exciting, when walking up to them
one day and saying, “Darling, let’s buy a cottage in France and try
subsistence farming” or “Let’s take a year out and go traveling the
world”. Not only do you seem interesting for suggesting it, but it also
gives you something to aim towards and get you through those grey days
ahead.
From the day you meet the love of your life until the day you
both retire, by following these nine steps, you will always be the most
interesting person in your partner’s life. The only other thing to add
is that if you fall victim to complacency, someone else might succeed
where you failed – and that just wouldn’t be very nice, would it?
